11-17-2006, 07:51 PM
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#941 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 767
| Quote:
Originally Posted by Inquartata 
How do I mow my lawn, which I have neglected until the grass is over a foot high, without a machete?
| Use a Flamethrower.
What's a good way to get a PS3?
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Go to the well until the well is dry. When the well is dry find a new well.
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11-18-2006, 03:08 AM
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#942 | | Senior Member
Join Date: May 2003 Location: UK
Posts: 1,565
| Quote:
Originally Posted by Inquartata Methamphetamine, and lots of it. Probably best to set up a lab in your apartment and make your own | You have NO idea of the irony of this advice....  Maybe I'll tell you one day.
Notalent, best thing would be to kidnap the daughter of Sony's CEO and demand the PS3 as ransom. Send her ear through the post so they know you mean business.
How do I get rid of a persistent cold?
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Louweasel
"I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from" [Eddie Izzard]
"she might not look like much, kid, but she's got it where it counts"
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11-18-2006, 03:19 AM
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#943 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 7,100
| Trade it in for some avian flu.  Then you won't give a second thought to that cold. Though if you're really sick, I hope you get well soon, Lou.
What's the best way to see if an old flame would be interested in heating things up again?
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If your hearts not in it, why bother? -Yours truly
Woman was created for our destruction, and it is from her we inherit all our miseries. - Aramis, from The Three Musketeers
All human wisdom is summed up in two words. Wait and Hope. http://www.bash.org/?23396 | |
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11-18-2006, 04:37 AM
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#944 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Australia
Posts: 397
| Don't touch it because that's just asking for trouble. Hover your hands over the ashes and see if you can feel any warmth. Or smell for smoke.
Oh you mean in a ladyfriend sense? Sneak into her house, and whisper normaly, conversational type things in her ear. You will appear to her in her dreams and the next day she will wake up and think about you. If she's interested, she might give you a ring. If she's not, good thing you took photos of her when she was asleep.
Okay that was in poor taste, but seemed funny at the time.
The sight of people squashing ants makes me retch and feel evil inside. What should I do to control my feelings? | |
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11-18-2006, 07:17 AM
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#945 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Fresno, California
Posts: 2,287
| Squash ants yourself! You'll begin to like evil tendencies once you start 
How do I get out of driving, so I don't have to drive in the fog?
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"I may disagree with what you have to say, but I shall defend, to the death, your right to say it."
"Thought crime does not entail death: thought crime is death."
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11-18-2006, 07:44 AM
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#946 | | Senior Member
Join Date: May 2003 Location: UK
Posts: 1,565
| Quote:
Originally Posted by I_luv_saber
How do I get out of driving, so I don't have to drive in the fog?
| Gin, gin and more gin!
I have just looked up the website of a place where a guy has invited me to dinner on Friday night and it looks worryingly trendy. What do i do if they turn me away at the door for not being cool enough?
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Louweasel
"I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from" [Eddie Izzard]
"she might not look like much, kid, but she's got it where it counts"
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11-18-2006, 02:03 PM
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#947 | | Immortal
Join Date: Jul 2000 Location: Heidelberg, GE
Posts: 5,454
| Quote:
Originally Posted by Louweasel I have just looked up the website of a place where a guy has invited me to dinner on Friday night and it looks worryingly trendy. What do i do if they turn me away at the door for not being cool enough? | Report it as a meth lab, change into your Emma Peel catsuit, and lead the raid... ensure that any signs of trendiness are wiped out.
What are some other suitable ways of treating "trendy" locales?
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Why sabre? Because you don't take heads with the point.
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11-19-2006, 11:31 AM
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#948 | | Épéeist Hive Queen
Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Sweden
Posts: 12,759
| Quote:
Originally Posted by sabreur What are some other suitable ways of treating "trendy" locales? | Start up a "Protection" business, enganging Hells Angels and all the local criminal MC trash gangs. It'll be non-trendy within the wink of an eye.
Or burned down.
How do I make sure to go to bed really early tonight so that I get enough sleep until tomorrow?
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Fencing is my only PvP. | |
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11-19-2006, 12:16 PM
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#949 | | Curmudgeon-in-Chief
Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Somewhere in your nightmares!
Posts: 23,538
| Quote:
Originally Posted by Zilverzmurfen
How do I make sure to go to bed really early tonight so that I get enough sleep until tomorrow?
| Gin, gin and more gin! ( Like Bob Hope I am not afraid to steal a joke.  )
How do I get the kneee I injured yesterday to heal in time for Richmond without taking time off from fencing?
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Use the Shift key, people! Keyboard manufacturers everywhere are ineffably saddened when you ignore what they made just for you!
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11-19-2006, 01:54 PM
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#950 | | Senior Member
Join Date: May 2003 Location: UK
Posts: 1,565
| Get a magic weasel to kiss it better.
What shall I buy my 30-year-old brother for Christmas?
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Louweasel
"I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from" [Eddie Izzard]
"she might not look like much, kid, but she's got it where it counts"
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11-19-2006, 02:03 PM
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#951 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 767
| Quote:
Originally Posted by Louweasel Get a magic weasel to kiss it better.
What shall I buy my 30-year-old brother for Christmas? | I will sell you that PS3 that the CEO of sony will be sending me for only $1500.
I have to ref some college kids today. How do I deal with their whining?
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Go to the well until the well is dry. When the well is dry find a new well.
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11-19-2006, 03:04 PM
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#952 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Under the sea
Posts: 2,812
| Quote:
Originally Posted by notalent I have to ref some college kids today. How do I deal with their whining? | Guns work wonders for discipline. Ask anyone in your local ghetto.
How do I recover from another rubbish day at work?
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I AM the walrus
I'm not grumpy - I suffer from stupidity rage
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11-19-2006, 03:34 PM
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#953 | | Senior Member
Join Date: May 2003 Location: UK
Posts: 1,565
| Gin, gin, and more gin!
What do I do to regain some originality?!?!?
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Louweasel
"I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from" [Eddie Izzard]
"she might not look like much, kid, but she's got it where it counts"
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11-19-2006, 04:24 PM
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#954 | | Curmudgeon-in-Chief
Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Somewhere in your nightmares!
Posts: 23,538
| Quote:
Originally Posted by Louweasel Get a magic weasel to kiss it better. | But that's awfully unatrocious advice, isn't it? Quote:
Originally Posted by Louweasel
What do I do to regain some originality?!?!?
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Gin, gin and---no, wait...
Get a magic weasel to---er, no, no, that's not it, either....
Aha! A Mrs. Peel catsuit! No, that's not atrocious... 
OK, here we go: A long fast while wandering in the wilderness. It worked for all those Biblical prophets, after all.
How can I get Thanksgiving Day off? ( Not the same as getting off Thanksgiving Day. )
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Use the Shift key, people! Keyboard manufacturers everywhere are ineffably saddened when you ignore what they made just for you!
Last edited by Inquartata; 11-19-2006 at 05:21 PM.
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11-19-2006, 05:16 PM
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#955 | | Immortal
Join Date: Jul 2000 Location: Heidelberg, GE
Posts: 5,454
| Show up at work in a turkey suit.
How do I make a long-distance relationship work out?
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Why sabre? Because you don't take heads with the point.
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11-19-2006, 05:23 PM
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#956 | | Curmudgeon-in-Chief
Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Somewhere in your nightmares!
Posts: 23,538
| Quote:
Originally Posted by sabreur Show up at work in a turkey suit. | But I do that every day! Ba dum pum!  Quote: |
How do I make a long-distance relationship work out?
| Gin, gin and more gin! ( This bids fair to become the Universal Answer. )
__________________
Use the Shift key, people! Keyboard manufacturers everywhere are ineffably saddened when you ignore what they made just for you!
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11-19-2006, 05:26 PM
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#957 | | Immortal
Join Date: Jul 2000 Location: Heidelberg, GE
Posts: 5,454
| And your question is?
Allow me:
How do I (Inquartata) make it to London in time to save LouW from a horrible dinner date at a horrible trendy restaurant?
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Why sabre? Because you don't take heads with the point.
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11-19-2006, 05:29 PM
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#958 | | Curmudgeon-in-Chief
Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Somewhere in your nightmares!
Posts: 23,538
| And " gratis". Don't forget " gratis.
__________________
Use the Shift key, people! Keyboard manufacturers everywhere are ineffably saddened when you ignore what they made just for you!
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11-19-2006, 06:55 PM
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#959 | | Senior Member
Join Date: May 2003 Location: UK
Posts: 1,565
| I'm sure (if I really needed saving) he could merely summon his winged monkeys.
But let's be fair, it might be a really nice date! Sabreur seems to be convinced only a horrible man would ask me out. 
How should I react to such an insult?
__________________
Louweasel
"I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from" [Eddie Izzard]
"she might not look like much, kid, but she's got it where it counts"
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11-19-2006, 11:17 PM
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#960 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 858
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