The Thread of Atrocious Advice

[D'Art]

Arrange a game of inverted Russian Roulette. Instead of only one bullet in the chambers, have only one empty chamber. A nice twist on an old favourite, and a good way to break the ice.

How do I hand in my notice at work without totally pissing off my bosses?

[sabreur]

If you are handing in your notice, why do you care (unless you're afraid they'll write you lousy recommendations or withhold your last two weeks salary)?

What's the best way to abuse your boss without him/her recognizing that he/she is being abused?

[D'Art]

What's the best way to abuse your boss without him/her recognizing that he/she is being abused?

If I knew that I'd have done it years ago! Though I suppose directing them to your website full of incriminating pictures of them with prostitutes/animals/members of their own family may just do the trick.

how do I get all the housework done without moving from the computer?

[gtmac]

have you tried www.illegalaliendayworker.com?

What's the best way to find your calling in life?

[IHateMrPotatohead]

Answer the phone

How do I get hubby to quit calling me while I'm at work?

[T. Mock]

Divorce him and forward all his calls to your lawyer.


I'm hungry but don't want to ruin my appetite for dinner. Any suggestions?

[Inquartata]

Swallow your pride, or eat your words.

How do I find the next Apple Computer to invest in?

[Louweasel]

Look in a greengrocer's shop, that's where they sell apples.

What do I do now that my ex boyfriend that dumped me a year ago says he loves me and wants to get back together with me?

[OROD]

What do I do now that my ex boyfriend that dumped me a year ago says he loves me and wants to get back together with me?

Marry him and start having kids right away. Then, he wont be able to dump you again.

My wife and girlfriend dont know about each other. How can I keep it that way?

.

[sabreur]

What do I do now that my ex boyfriend that dumped me a year ago says he loves me and wants to get back together with me?

Real advice from Monty Python: Run away! Run away! Seriously. I mean, he didn't even break up with you very gently, if I remember correctly--it was sort of "Me and my white van are out of here."

My wife and girlfriend dont know about each other. How can I keep it that way?

Buy a duplex and keep your wife in one side and your girlfriend in the other--that way you can quickly move from one to the other--they'll never notice.

How can we keep Lou from even considering getting back with the evil ex Mr. Weasel?

[rac]

How can we keep Lou from even considering getting back with the evil ex Mr. Weasel?

Send Mr. Weasel a photo of the "new Lou" post sex change with a letter saying now that the "differences" between them are lessened "Lou" wants to renew the relationship in a more "vigerous way". Include some web links to "hot love/gay" sites that Lou now frequents to complete the package.




What is the best way to pluck a chicken?

[IHateMrPotatohead]

Using telekinesis of course.

What should I teach to my fencers tonight?

[gtmac]

A good fencer typically has some training in pole dancing. Of course it's better if they get this crucial training early on in their fencing careers so they can more thouroughly incorporate the techniques. Try it on some pre-adolescents and see if it works.

What book should I read next?

[T. Mock]

"See Spot Run"- It's such a classic that your friends will be so impressed with your literary choices that you will be chosen to put together the list of books for the local book club.


I'm starting to lose my mind. Where should I look for it?

[KelseyD]

You had one to begin with? I would start looking around the bathroom. Esp. the toilet area.

I have been really irritable lately. How do I got over it?

[Go? Fencing?]

Start looking around the bathroom. Especially the toilet area.

How do I avoid falling behind on my homework?

[T. Mock]

Burn it. If it doesn't exist you can't do it. Then you can start with a clean slate. The restarting of course will have to wait until after fencing season.


I've gotten bored working out at the gym and thus have stopped going. Any suggestions for alternate exercise to do to get me into shape for fencing?

[sabreur]

Rub yourself with bacon and go to the nearest dog park during peak hours.

How do I stop my evil twin from making vaguely suggestive posts in the cocktail party thread?

[Inquartata]

How do I stop my evil twin from making vaguely suggestive posts in the cocktail party thread?

Bite off his typing fingers. Bonus, saves you the cost of a meal.

How can we persuade Louweasel to move to a certain part of the United States? ( Purely as a way of evading the resurgent Mr. Weasel, of course! )

[sabreur]

How can we persuade Louweasel to move to a certain part of the United States? ( Purely as a way of evading the resurgent Mr. Weasel, of course! )

Convince her that living in the "sweatiest city in America" with its heat, sprawl, crime, etc., (and those are the good things) beats the "blessed isle of kings?"

Better, how do we convince Quart to move to England to defend Lou against the resurgent evil ex Mr. Weasel (you need to give him his full and correct title)?