11-08-2007, 01:14 PM
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#3001 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: SLC, Utah
Posts: 446
| Try your own advice to Fencergrl's question. See if the mailman gives you a check. If he does then you can afford your assistant.
How do we bail matt9476 out after he gets arrested for attempting this?
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I would challenge you to a battle of wits, but you appear to be unarmed.
"It's a sword. It is not supposed to be safe" - Death "Terry Pratchett's Hogfather"
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11-08-2007, 01:18 PM
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#3002 | | Epee fencing addict
Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Glenwood, ny
Posts: 2,299
| Quote:
Originally Posted by matt9476  I've decided I need a personal assistant, but I can't afford one. Suggestions? | Advertise for one on sugar_daddies_r_usdotcom. In the ad, tell them that the position is worth a half million per year, but to get the job they have to submit to a one day interview and test period. Schedule one "interview" per day for the rest of the year.
[edit] oops, timing edit... Quote:
Originally Posted by Windsetter How do we bail matt9476 out after he gets arrested for attempting this? | Go downtown and sit on a curb singing a song and holding a paper cup. Take up a collection.
[end edit]
I'm hungry, but I don't know what to have for lunch. Any suggestions?
__________________
One test is worth a thousand opinions.
I ain't as good as I once was, but I'm as good once as I ever was. - Toby Keith
"We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo
Last edited by parrythis; 11-08-2007 at 01:20 PM.
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11-08-2007, 09:19 PM
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#3003 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Buffalo, NY
Posts: 1,715
| I hear dog is a tasty meal.
Since my girlfriend moved in with me, I've lost three closets and a storage unit. And she told me she still has more clothes at her parents' house. How can I get out from under the mountain of clothes that has overrun my apartment?
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Can't you, just this once, f*** off?
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11-08-2007, 10:18 PM
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#3004 | | Senior Member
Join Date: May 2005 Location: Over there -->
Posts: 3,873
| Use them as insulation in walls, the ceiling, etc. Winter's a comin', best be prepared!
The 3-year-old box of Velveeta (which does NOT count as AI because it evolved on its own) is now plotting world domination. What should I do? | |
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11-09-2007, 02:13 AM
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#3005 | | Senior Member
Join Date: May 2007 Location: Eugene, OR
Posts: 1,066
| Be a helpful minion in the hopes that it looks upon you with favor and grants you a high rank.
I just got a new girlfriend, what should we do for a first date? | |
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11-09-2007, 04:35 AM
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#3006 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Norcal
Posts: 505
| Quote:
Originally Posted by Nolano I just got a new girlfriend, what should we do for a first date? | While wearing a hockey mask, take them to a secluded area. Get out of the car, start walking. Say nothing. Once far away from the car, start alternating between screaming manically and assuring in a dead voice, "Everything's cool, everything's cool".
How do I get someone to ref for free?
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Do not meddle with dragons, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.
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11-09-2007, 08:58 AM
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#3007 | | Senior Member
Join Date: May 2005 Location: Over there -->
Posts: 3,873
| Promise to pay them, then don't.
What should I have for breakfast? | |
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11-09-2007, 09:01 AM
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#3008 | | Perpetual Ephemerist
Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Virginia
Posts: 2,525
| Deep fried muskrat with bananas and chocolate sauce.
When should I have breakfast?
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When the Himalayan peasant meets the he-bear in his pride,
He shouts to scare the monster, who will often turn aside.
But the she-bear thus accosted rends the peasant tooth and nail.
For the female of the species is more deadly than the male.
-- Rudyard Kipling "The Female of the Species"
¯\(°_o)/¯ | 
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11-09-2007, 09:13 AM
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#3009 | | Senior Member
Join Date: May 2005 Location: Over there -->
Posts: 3,873
| After going for a 30 mile run. You don't want all that food to weigh you down while you run.
I am the club armourer and "secretary" but I'll be leaving in a year and a half for college. How should the club cope with losing both their armourer and their source of information? | |
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11-09-2007, 09:16 AM
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#3010 | | Perpetual Ephemerist
Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Virginia
Posts: 2,525
| Establish you as a telecommuting secretary and armourer. They can set up a video link to college and under your instruction various unskilled children can perform rewiring jobs.
How do I keep my basement workbench clear enough of half finished probjects so I have space to work on my weapons?
__________________
When the Himalayan peasant meets the he-bear in his pride,
He shouts to scare the monster, who will often turn aside.
But the she-bear thus accosted rends the peasant tooth and nail.
For the female of the species is more deadly than the male.
-- Rudyard Kipling "The Female of the Species"
¯\(°_o)/¯ | |
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11-09-2007, 11:07 AM
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#3011 | | Epee fencing addict
Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Glenwood, ny
Posts: 2,299
| Mount it so that it slants down at a 45 degree angle. You'll never see a mess pile up on it again. 
I am sick and tired of fixing epees. How can I keep them from malfunctioning while using them often and hard?
__________________
One test is worth a thousand opinions.
I ain't as good as I once was, but I'm as good once as I ever was. - Toby Keith
"We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo | |
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11-09-2007, 11:13 AM
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#3012 | | Perpetual Ephemerist
Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Virginia
Posts: 2,525
| Take a section of rain gutter 35 inches long. Cap it at both ends. Slot one end and insert the blade of an epee. Fill gutter with epoxy resin, embedding the blade. The epee will no longer have any wiring or tip issues.
Implemented workbench stragegy. How do I keep my wife from "commenting" that I now have even more junk on the floor?
__________________
When the Himalayan peasant meets the he-bear in his pride,
He shouts to scare the monster, who will often turn aside.
But the she-bear thus accosted rends the peasant tooth and nail.
For the female of the species is more deadly than the male.
-- Rudyard Kipling "The Female of the Species"
¯\(°_o)/¯ | |
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11-09-2007, 12:42 PM
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#3013 | | Epee fencing addict
Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Glenwood, ny
Posts: 2,299
| Hire three scantily clad exotic dancers to lounge around in your basement near your workbench. I am betting that your wife will scarcely notice the junk on the floor. BYOG (Bring Your Own Glitter) 
I am tired of lugging my equipment around - especially now that my epees are all encased in heavy epoxy resin. How can I get a fencing groupie to attend to my needs at tournaments?
__________________
One test is worth a thousand opinions.
I ain't as good as I once was, but I'm as good once as I ever was. - Toby Keith
"We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo | |
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11-09-2007, 02:41 PM
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#3014 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Cougar Country
Posts: 8,912
| You need to find someone who's interested in fencing. I suggest a personal ad in the paper indicating your interest. The following ad would help for sure: "Older gentleman who would likes to hook up and score, knows how handle hard, firm objects looking for same."
How do I keep myself from getting sick from the virus I pick-up?
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With special thanks to Mr. E...
“Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all others because you were born in it.” - George Bernard Shaw | |
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11-09-2007, 03:39 PM
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#3015 | | Perpetual Ephemerist
Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Virginia
Posts: 2,525
| Invest in a good personal anti-virus program. Swallow it. Scan yourself. Delete any infected bits.
How do I surf f.net while I'm off on vacation?
__________________
When the Himalayan peasant meets the he-bear in his pride,
He shouts to scare the monster, who will often turn aside.
But the she-bear thus accosted rends the peasant tooth and nail.
For the female of the species is more deadly than the male.
-- Rudyard Kipling "The Female of the Species"
¯\(°_o)/¯ | |
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11-09-2007, 04:53 PM
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#3016 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: SLC, Utah
Posts: 446
| 500 mile long ethernet cable or a nuclear power supply for your wireless card...
How do we make up for the lack of posts from Nien over the last week?
__________________
I would challenge you to a battle of wits, but you appear to be unarmed.
"It's a sword. It is not supposed to be safe" - Death "Terry Pratchett's Hogfather"
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11-09-2007, 05:03 PM
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#3017 | | Perpetual Ephemerist
Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Virginia
Posts: 2,525
| Two possibilities:
1. Start posting yourself. You will have to exceed 100 posts a day in order to "make up".
2. Find out what dungeon she is being held in and then rescue her, presumably using the sword of your choice.
What is the best way to perform part A of option 2?
__________________
When the Himalayan peasant meets the he-bear in his pride,
He shouts to scare the monster, who will often turn aside.
But the she-bear thus accosted rends the peasant tooth and nail.
For the female of the species is more deadly than the male.
-- Rudyard Kipling "The Female of the Species"
¯\(°_o)/¯ | |
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11-09-2007, 05:45 PM
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#3018 | | Senior Member
Join Date: May 2005 Location: Over there -->
Posts: 3,873
| Start by checking Inq's place. 
How do I make my hair dry faster? I hate hairdryers. | |
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11-09-2007, 05:47 PM
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#3019 | | Perpetual Ephemerist
Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Virginia
Posts: 2,525
| Use a blowtorch.
What is the best way to remove burned hair smell from a room?
__________________
When the Himalayan peasant meets the he-bear in his pride,
He shouts to scare the monster, who will often turn aside.
But the she-bear thus accosted rends the peasant tooth and nail.
For the female of the species is more deadly than the male.
-- Rudyard Kipling "The Female of the Species"
¯\(°_o)/¯ | |
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11-09-2007, 05:50 PM
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#3020 | | Senior Member
Join Date: May 2005 Location: Over there -->
Posts: 3,873
| Burn popcorn.
How do I clean the microwave so that my tea or oatmeal or whatever doesn't taste like the Mexican food that the previous person nuked? | |
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