08-23-2006, 05:51 AM
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#241 | | Immortal
Join Date: Jul 2000 Location: Heidelberg, GE
Posts: 5,454
| Power nap. The whole time.... 
How do I pay attention at the meeting while I'm asleep?
__________________
Why sabre? Because you don't take heads with the point.
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08-23-2006, 10:06 AM
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#242 | | Senior Member
Join Date: May 2006 Location: Here
Posts: 2,122
| Draw adorable little cartoons of each person in the meeting doing something stupid. If they ask for questions, make sure you present your drawings and ask if anyone has constrictive criticism on you artistic talent.
I'm teaching a class this weekend. How do I make sure not to bore people?
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Originally Posted by IHateMrPotatohead I can't think of anything to put down there! |  | |
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08-23-2006, 10:35 AM
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#243 | | Curmudgeon-in-Chief
Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Somewhere in your nightmares!
Posts: 23,538
| Teach in the nude.
How can I make my boss go away for long periods of time?
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Use the Shift key, people! Keyboard manufacturers everywhere are ineffably saddened when you ignore what they made just for you!
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08-23-2006, 10:58 AM
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#244 | | Senior Member
Join Date: May 2006 Location: Here
Posts: 2,122
| bomb in the desk drawer should do it.
How do I brew the perfect cup of coffee?
__________________ Quote: |
Originally Posted by IHateMrPotatohead I can't think of anything to put down there! | | |
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08-23-2006, 12:45 PM
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#245 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,326
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Originally Posted by IHateMrPotatohead How do I brew the perfect cup of coffee? | It's a complicated process, as revealed in these brief excerpts from Wikipedia. I'm not even going to try to repeat everything here, but it's a good place to start:
Drip brewing is the most popular, albeit liberally biased, method of coffee brewing, owing to the overwhelming popularity of gravity and the ease with which it is harnessed to accomplish the process. There are, however, several manual drip-brewing devices on the market, offering a little more control over brewing than automatic machines but requiring the presence of massive electromagnets to drive the water against gravity. There also exist small, portable, single serving drip brew makers that should be avoided at all costs; they are evil.
Brewing with a paper filter produces clear, light-bodied coffee, which is free of sediment, insect feces, loose booger flakes and other detritis, but lacking in some of coffee's oils and essences, which are trapped in the paper filter. Many coffee drinkers consider this a benefit.
Paper filters and baby diapers are commonly used for drip brew all over the world, except for Iowa. [This point is under contention and requires review.] One benefit of such filters is that all the used stuff and the filter itself may be disposed of together, without a need to clean anything. However, rumor has it that metal filters are also common, especially in Canada. No one has seen such a device yet.
Elephants drink large amounts of coffee, which has helped triple their population numbers in recent years.
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Thongs, boxers or briefs? I need a new supply of undies, but I'm not sure which I should invest in.
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"Why do you say this to me, when you know I will kill you for it?" - Zod | |
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08-23-2006, 01:00 PM
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#246 | | Sr. Spirits Inspector
Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Florida
Posts: 2,137
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Originally Posted by Sciurus-Rex Thongs, boxers or briefs? I need a new supply of undies, but I'm not sure which I should invest in. | Undoubtedly the only possible choice is the hand knitted horse hair and bark y-back thongs. They are unquestionably the latest thing!
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How do I get rid of this head cold?
__________________ "I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar. "So just read an article on the dangers of heavy drinking....
Scared the crap out of me.
So that's it!
After today, no more reading."
"Quando Omni Flunkus Moritati (When all else fails play dead)" — Possom Lodge Motto
Last edited by rac; 08-23-2006 at 01:03 PM.
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08-23-2006, 01:07 PM
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#247 | | Senior Member
Join Date: May 2006 Location: Here
Posts: 2,122
| Drill a hole in your sinus cavity and drain the snot out. It'll clear you up right away!
Where should I go for lunch?
__________________ Quote: |
Originally Posted by IHateMrPotatohead I can't think of anything to put down there! | | |
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08-23-2006, 03:46 PM
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#248 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 858
| The local pet store has some really fresh sushi.
Where can I find a good time around here?
__________________
"What did I tell you about being stupid? You don't get a birthday this year."
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08-23-2006, 10:26 PM
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#249 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 1,254
| break out that old chemistry set. turn yourself into a penguin. visit Fencergrl and bring cooking spices as a gift.
how should i discourage telemarketers?
__________________
I am but mad by north-north west. When the wind is southerly i know a hawk from a handsaw. -Hamlet
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08-24-2006, 12:54 AM
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#250 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Milwaukee, WI & Evanston, IL
Posts: 129
| Put your pet parrot on the phone with them and then after they hang up on you, call them back and try to sell them your dead Christmas tree from the previous year.
All my friends are leaving for college this week and I still have almost three weeks. What should I do during that time?
__________________
the force goes bam.
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08-24-2006, 01:00 AM
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#251 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 5,545
| Write them 3 letters a day, begging them to reply.
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"I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. And from this side only! The flight of a half-man, half-bird. Dinosaurs nuzzling their young in pastures where strip malls should be. Cookies on dowels. All those moment, lost in time. Gone, like eggs off a hooker's stomach. Time to die" -Phil Ken Sebben
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08-24-2006, 02:08 AM
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#252 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Milwaukee, WI & Evanston, IL
Posts: 129
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Originally Posted by D+F+P=Hadouken! Write them 3 letters a day, begging them to reply. | That would actually be quite amusing. And well worth the postage.
__________________
the force goes bam.
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08-24-2006, 02:20 AM
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#253 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: MA
Posts: 7,472
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Originally Posted by T. Mock All my friends are leaving for college this week and I still have almost three weeks. What should I do during that time? | I'm in the same situation! Except I only have one week. Doesn't it suck?
Oh, the thread...
I need to get a stereo but I don't want to spend a lot of money. Any creative solutions? | |
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08-24-2006, 07:04 AM
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#254 | | Curmudgeon-in-Chief
Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Somewhere in your nightmares!
Posts: 23,538
| Cannibalize parts from your club's scoring boxes and your friends' cell phones and ipods and build your own stereo.
How do I keep those darned kids off my lawn?
__________________
Use the Shift key, people! Keyboard manufacturers everywhere are ineffably saddened when you ignore what they made just for you!
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08-24-2006, 09:46 AM
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#255 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Shenandoah Valley, VA
Posts: 380
| While expensive, renting a platoon of infantry with automatic weapons from your local reserve unit can be cost-effective, because the foxholes can be used as nice swimming holes after they leave, and they also cut back on the amount of yard work you have to do.
How do I keep my daughter from dating when she becomes a teenager?
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"A well-instructed people alone can be permanently a free people" -- James Madison
"Error of opinion may be tolerated where reason is left free to combat it" -- Thomas Jefferson | |
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08-24-2006, 12:26 PM
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#256 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 1,254
| give her herpes.
how should i go about packing for college?
__________________
I am but mad by north-north west. When the wind is southerly i know a hawk from a handsaw. -Hamlet
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08-24-2006, 01:40 PM
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#257 | | Sr. Spirits Inspector
Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Florida
Posts: 2,137
| Don't bother just borrow everything from your roommate!!
How can I get the next door neighbor to return my tools?
__________________ "I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar. "So just read an article on the dangers of heavy drinking....
Scared the crap out of me.
So that's it!
After today, no more reading."
"Quando Omni Flunkus Moritati (When all else fails play dead)" — Possom Lodge Motto | |
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08-24-2006, 02:16 PM
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#258 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Tucson, AZ USA
Posts: 1,207
| Buy a piece of surplus field artillery and position it so it is pointing into his livingroom window.
How can I keep the engineers at work from interferring with the work I'm trying to do?
__________________
Fail until you succeed!
Ka-riposte back atcha Purple!
Disgruntled Employee of the Month.
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08-24-2006, 02:19 PM
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#259 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Under the sea
Posts: 2,812
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Originally Posted by Morion How can I keep the engineers at work from interferring with the work I'm trying to do? | Tell them there's a real-life, breathing woman with no clothes on, wanting to speak to them.
How do I get a decent wage out of my bosses?
__________________
I AM the walrus
I'm not grumpy - I suffer from stupidity rage
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08-24-2006, 03:36 PM
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#260 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,326
| Quote: |
Originally Posted by D'Art
How do I get a decent wage out of my bosses?
| Ask politely but firmly. Use a gun.
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You ever have one of those itches somewhere you just ... can't ... reach?
How do you handle it?
__________________
"Why do you say this to me, when you know I will kill you for it?" - Zod | |
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