08-22-2006, 12:14 PM
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#221 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,326
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Originally Posted by swordwench I'm not enjoying my job these days. I work for a madman (who is brilliant, but still... he's a madman). How should I tell him how I feel? | Follow this script, at a very loud volume, directly to his face: "YOU ARE A MADMAN! I'M NOT ENJOYING MY JOB THESE DAYS!"
Stage it in public if you can. A very crowded area. Punctuate each comment with a slap to the face.
I'm not sure what this will accomplish, but that wasn't really implied in your question, was it?  You wanted to know how to tell him how you feel.
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I just realized my pants zipper is broken and it's probably been like this all morning while I've wandered around the office talking to people. What should I do now to correct this major faux pas?
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"Why do you say this to me, when you know I will kill you for it?" - Zod | 
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08-22-2006, 12:19 PM
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#222 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Shenandoah Valley, VA
Posts: 380
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Originally Posted by Sciurus-Rex I just realized my pants zipper is broken and it's probably been like this all morning while I've wandered around the office talking to people. What should I do now to correct this major faux pas? | Man, an easy one. Announce at the top of your lungs, when everyone in your office is around to hear: "(insert name of female co-worker you don't like here), you forgot to zip my fly afterwards, I can't believe that I've been walking around all morning like this! Can you please remember to zip me up next time?" This will deflect any embarassment off of you, and onto the person you select.
How do I convince my friends that I am truly the greatest?
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"A well-instructed people alone can be permanently a free people" -- James Madison
"Error of opinion may be tolerated where reason is left free to combat it" -- Thomas Jefferson | |
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08-22-2006, 12:54 PM
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#223 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,326
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Originally Posted by campb1pr
How do I convince my friends that I am truly the greatest?
| Don't know; I pass. ... Haven't seen Inquartata pull it off yet, either, and he's tried just about everything.
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"Why do you say this to me, when you know I will kill you for it?" - Zod | |
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08-22-2006, 12:57 PM
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#224 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Shenandoah Valley, VA
Posts: 380
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Originally Posted by Sciurus-Rex Don't know; I pass. ... Haven't seen Inquartata pull it off yet, either, and he's tried just about everything. | I'd rep you if for that if able! 
back to your regularly scheduled thread...
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"A well-instructed people alone can be permanently a free people" -- James Madison
"Error of opinion may be tolerated where reason is left free to combat it" -- Thomas Jefferson | |
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08-22-2006, 05:54 PM
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#225 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 1,254
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Originally Posted by campb1pr Man, an easy one. Announce at the top of your lungs, when everyone in your office is around to hear: "(insert name of female co-worker you don't like here), you forgot to zip my fly afterwards, I can't believe that I've been walking around all morning like this! Can you please remember to zip me up next time?" This will deflect any embarassment off of you, and onto the person you select.
How do I convince my friends that I am truly the greatest? | why couldn't it be a male coworker?
rent a gorilla suit. steal a barbie doll. climb the empire state building. continue waving arms until you fall. get arrested. emerge from jail a 'changed man' who becomes politically active. bring communism upon the world.
i don't like you. what should i do about it?
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I am but mad by north-north west. When the wind is southerly i know a hawk from a handsaw. -Hamlet
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08-22-2006, 07:29 PM
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#226 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,326
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Originally Posted by Zasha i don't like you. what should i do about it? | It's probably repressed sexual tension. You should just give in to your animal lust and get it over with.
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One of my nephews has told me he's gay. He's the youngest of three boys and his father (my brother) is a very conservative man. He wants to "come out of the closet" to them, and has asked for my opinion. What do you say?
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"Why do you say this to me, when you know I will kill you for it?" - Zod | |
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08-22-2006, 07:56 PM
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#227 | | Senior Member
Join Date: May 2006 Location: Here
Posts: 2,122
| Tell him that his best bet is to dress in drag or march in a pride parade, and invoite his brothers and parents to come watch. The family will be so impressed by his performance, they will have to accept his lifestyle!
I'm hungry. What to do?
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Originally Posted by IHateMrPotatohead I can't think of anything to put down there! |  | |
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08-22-2006, 09:32 PM
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#228 | | Incorruptible
Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: NJ
Posts: 2,758
| Hunger is typically felt in the emptiness of your stomach. Try removing your stomach with a pen knife and that feeling should go away.
What should I get my niece for her b'day? She's 10.
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Fencing T-shirts available at Off-The-Piste Wear **New designs** including f.net themed designs for easy recognition of fellow f.netters at tournaments!
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08-22-2006, 10:07 PM
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#229 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: West Coast
Posts: 2,414
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Originally Posted by gtmac What should I get my niece for her b'day? She's 10. | This: http://world.guns.ru/sniper/sn02-e.htm
Every little girl wants a .50 caliber sniper rifle for her birthday. That way, even if Little Suzy is hiding in the family Suburban after beating your niece out of the last spot on the cheerleading squad, your niece can reach out and say: "Lights Out!" from a half mile away.
The Mormons are coming over to my house this week. What should I do when they start proselytizing?
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"Fraud is the creation of trust. And then: its betrayal."
William Black, Ph.D.
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08-23-2006, 12:45 AM
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#230 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Milwaukee, WI & Evanston, IL
Posts: 129
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Originally Posted by Capt. Slo-mo
The Mormons are coming over to my house this week. What should I do when they start proselytizing?
| Put some cotton into your ears and sing loudly at the top of your lungs. Tell them you are practicing your selective hearing but that you aren't quite good enough to block them out. If they come back in a year you will probably be able to block them out without the help of cotton.
My room looks like a bomb went off in it and I'm having trouble finding the stuff that I need to bring to college. What should I do to ensure that I don't forget anything without having to clean my room first?
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the force goes bam.
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08-23-2006, 12:57 AM
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#231 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,326
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Originally Posted by T. Mock
My room looks like a bomb went off in it and I'm having trouble finding the stuff that I need to bring to college. What should I do to ensure that I don't forget anything without having to clean my room first?
| You'll slap your forehead when this is pointed out to you, because it's so obvious: Set off a real bomb in your room! Really, once the bomb goes off, you won't have to worry about college, one way or another.
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There are some really weird sounds coming from out attic lately. Like thud thud shwoosh thud thus shwoosh ... over and over again. They start at about 7:30 each night and end at about 2 a.m. I'm a little scared of what I might find if I go look. What do you suggest I do?
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"Why do you say this to me, when you know I will kill you for it?" - Zod | |
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08-23-2006, 01:04 AM
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#232 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Milwaukee, WI & Evanston, IL
Posts: 129
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Originally Posted by Sciurus-Rex
There are some really weird sounds coming from out attic lately. Like thud thud shwoosh thud thus shwoosh ... over and over again. They start at about 7:30 each night and end at about 2 a.m. I'm a little scared of what I might find if I go look. What do you suggest I do?
| Set off a bunch of those bug bomb things that exterminate bugs from your house (hence the name) directly under the attic in order to "smoke" it out. Ignore the warnings on the bottle and make sure you sit in the room with the bug bombs so that you can make sure to see this thing as it runs out of your attic.
The bomb in my room took off part of my neighbors house. What should I do?
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the force goes bam.
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08-23-2006, 01:25 AM
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#233 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Los Angeles/San Francisco
Posts: 2,005
| Claim that a terrorist placed the bomb in your room and try to claim some insurance money. As for your neighbors, sucks for them.
Should I drive without insurance?
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A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word you first thought of.
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08-23-2006, 01:30 AM
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#234 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 7,100
| Of Course you can! It's not like EVERYBODy gets into an accident, so you have a sporting chance. 
I need a new job. Any suggestions?
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If your hearts not in it, why bother? -Yours truly
Woman was created for our destruction, and it is from her we inherit all our miseries. - Aramis, from The Three Musketeers
All human wisdom is summed up in two words. Wait and Hope. http://www.bash.org/?23396 | |
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08-23-2006, 01:47 AM
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#235 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Milwaukee, WI & Evanston, IL
Posts: 129
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Originally Posted by JackOfHearts
I need a new job. Any suggestions?
| Professional hitchhiker. Anyone that picks you up must pay you 35 cents per mile that they drive you. If they argue about this threaten them with your mad sword skillz.
How do I get off the awful sleep pattern that has me awake until 1 am or later every night?
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the force goes bam.
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08-23-2006, 01:53 AM
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#236 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 7,100
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Originally Posted by T. Mock How do I get off the awful sleep pattern that has me awake until 1 am or later every night? | Stay up all night. Every night. For about a week. Helps if you have company.
A friend of mine is planning to get drunk on Friday. What should he get once we're at the tattoo parlor?
__________________
If your hearts not in it, why bother? -Yours truly
Woman was created for our destruction, and it is from her we inherit all our miseries. - Aramis, from The Three Musketeers
All human wisdom is summed up in two words. Wait and Hope. http://www.bash.org/?23396 | |
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08-23-2006, 04:16 AM
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#237 | | Immortal
Join Date: Jul 2000 Location: Heidelberg, GE
Posts: 5,454
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Originally Posted by JackOfHearts A friend of mine is planning to get drunk on Friday. What should he get once we're at the tattoo parlor? | The chorus from "Mambo #5" (one of the most annoying songs ever): http://lyrics.astraweb.com/display/6.....mambo_5.html
What's the best way for Jack's friend to remove the tattoo, once he gets a girlfriend who isn't one of those named in "Mambo # 5?"
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Why sabre? Because you don't take heads with the point.
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08-23-2006, 04:38 AM
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#238 | | Épéeist Hive Queen
Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Sweden
Posts: 12,759
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Originally Posted by sabreur What's the best way for Jack's friend to remove the tattoo, once he gets a girlfriend who isn't one of those named in "Mambo # 5?" | Amputation. This is also a great way of losing weight incredibly fast!
A colleague of mine (consultant, not an employee) thinks he's some kind of 'boss' person around my office. (  ) Any tips on taking him down to Terra Firma..?
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Fencing is my only PvP. | |
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08-23-2006, 04:41 AM
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#239 | | Immortal
Join Date: Jul 2000 Location: Heidelberg, GE
Posts: 5,454
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Originally Posted by Zilverzmurfen A colleague of mine (consultant, not an employee) thinks he's some kind of 'boss' person around my office. ( ) Any tips on taking him down to Terra Firma..? | Hip throw, followed by a submission choke hold.
I have to attend a four-hour meeting today after lunch! How do I stay awake?
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Why sabre? Because you don't take heads with the point.
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08-23-2006, 04:53 AM
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#240 | | Épéeist Hive Queen
Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Sweden
Posts: 12,759
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