The Thread of Atrocious Advice

[The Rose Knight]

Karate is like a language; go to a foreign country and if you work at it, you'll pick up the language. Just the same, enter KidLazy in a cage match against Dolph Lundgren, a man very fluent in karate. Don't worry, the Kid will pick it up in no time

How do I convince the Sports Authority to start carrying fencing gear?

[lefty_monster]

How do I convince the Sports Authority to start carrying fencing gear?

stand there and whack the sales associate in the shins with your sword every 3.2 seconds.

What should I do about Nein's attacks on my weapon?

[KidLazy]

Challenge Neinteen into a cage match. Have it broadcast over f.net and sell T-shirt, toys, etc.

I can't fence for a week, what should I do until then?

[Neinteen]

watch re-runs of me beating Lefty_monster

What do i tell the cops when they see lefty's mangled body?

[KidLazy]

Blame it on Inquartata. Plan some evidents first tho...

I have spend all my saving on going to Miami SN, how could I come up with money in three days to pay for this month's bill?

[Neinteen]

Sell.. yourself!

How can I make Inq-something ( his name reminds me of encarta ) look guilty?

[matt9476]

Put Inq in a motel room with two kegs of beer and a girl scout troop. Take some photos and doctor them up with photoshop. Hello blackmail.

I've been covering the Empire State Games in Westchester County, New York since Wednesday, and I'm getting sick of it. How can I leave early and still convince my publisher to pay me full price?

[remistress]

I've been covering the Empire State Games in Westchester County, New York since Wednesday, and I'm getting sick of it. How can I leave early and still convince my publisher to pay me full price?

Make up a fake contest involving writing up a few questions as parameters. Hand them out to participants, telling them to "Write their own coverage of the Empire State Games". Prizes will be a published article in whichever publication you work for as well as the Ferrari you will make a downpayment for with the company credit card. It's alright I'm sure your company will thank you for the large write-off and brilliantly thought out article. Tell everyone to mail in their submissions...have a back-up plan to disappear for awhile in case your boss' view of tax law is different than yours.

I'm starting to take up a little recreational epee (call it a fling). How do I make sure it doesn't FUBAR my foil?

[Neinteen]

NO DONT! EPEE IS EVIL!

To ensure it doesn't 'FUBAR' ( whats that? like GUBAR? ) your foil, you must do 3 things.

• Drop that epee
• Burn it
• Fence foil like you crazy

How do i explain to my parents that spiderpig is real?

[Lord Gorlock]

Show them the hoof prints in the ceiling.

How can I keep posting on fnet, but write the paper due monday and study for the test on tuesday?

[Neinteen]

trap and enslave an epee or sabre to do it for you.

as for studying, have them yell facts at you whilst you post.


How do i explain to my brother that Dani California and Snow are gay for him to listen to, but fine for me to listen to. One track minds are so sabrish.

[Lord Gorlock]

Just say it's womanly music. The logic is flawless. It would make him woman-like, while you remain unharmed from this perfect mental argument! If he says he doesn't care, tell him he needs to wear women's clothing before he can listen to it, to test his womanhood.

How do I keep my little brother out of my room?

[Rabid Monk]

Tripwire linked to a paintball gun.
Remember to aim at the jewels.


I want my car to be done .

How do I get it done quicker?

[Neinteen]

send terorosit threats to the autoshop.

that will make them work harder...

what do i do if my brother remembers sleeping with me when iw as like 8 and he was like 6!? He's 14 BTW. Bi-Curious. and A FREAK.

[Rabid Monk]

send terorosit threats to the autoshop.

that will make them work harder...

what do i do if my brother remembers sleeping with me when iw as like 8 and he was like 6!? He's 14 BTW. Bi-Curious. and A FREAK.

Deny it.
He's young. If you repeat it enough, he;ll believe whatever you say.

What if my car isn't at a autoshop?
(It's a restoration)

[Neinteen]

i dont know what a restoration is. so get a parrot.

How do I tell my parents that the hamster bitemarks on my brother aren't from my hamster, but from spider pig?

[Rabid Monk]

First you need pig feet. You can buy these from the pet store (they sell them as doggie treats).

Then you need mud. Look in the garden. Use a hose if necessary.

Dip the feet in the mud (squishy fun!) and put prints in unreachable locations, like the undersides of bookshelves.

Point to the evidence as proof of your lies.

It might help to actually go and procure a pig, too.




What should I teach my parrot to say?

[Neinteen]

I love Neinteen, She's the coolest frikken person i know

Where do i find a pig?

[Rabid Monk]

eBay. Where else?


How do I get my parrot to shut up?

[Lord Gorlock]

Teach it to fence sabre =D

(Bad advice thread, right?)


How do I make my camera charge faster?