The Thread of Atrocious Advice

[KidLazy]

Come work for my non-existing, no-client, and named-by-a-hobbit company.

My life is really out of balance, what should I do?

[lefty_monster]

My life is really out of balance, what should I do?

Put a second fulcrum under it. Everything balances better with TWO fulcrums.

Oh, no! I think that may be a piece of fortune-cookie wisdom! How do I cure wisdom??

[remistress]

How do I cure wisdom??

Take ecstacy in the middle of a busy freeway. Then proceed to hug the cars. They need love too and they'll unwise you very quickly.

What's the best way to casually disentangle myself from the affections of a saber fencer?

[Inquartata]

Take up epee. ( That's always REALLY atrocious advice, whatever the dilemma. )

What is the best way to let Remistress down easy?

[Have At You]

Block and tackle will do the job nicely.


What's the best way to write a mystery?

[The Rose Knight]

Tell the reader who done it at the very beginning, saving them the trouble of going to the last page.

I'm buying good coffee beans and grinding them, and my coffee is good, but how do I make it superb?

[lefty_monster]

mix marijuana leaves into the coffee grounds before brewing.

i'd like to take another language. I have already taken french. What's next?

[Have At You]

Take Spanish, and don't give it back.



What's the best way to cut your own hair?

[sneakattack]

What's the best way to cut your own hair?

With a dull knife using a babbling brook as a mirror.

What's the fastest cheapest way to get to Montana?

[Sword Hobbit]

Trebuchet.


What should I do with the 12is foot tall trebuchet in my back yard(no joke there is a 12ish foot tall trebuchet in my back yard)

[Neinteen]

Trebuchet.


What should I do with the 12is foot tall trebuchet in my back yard(no joke there is a 12ish foot tall trebuchet in my back yard)

Bring it to your friends house, fling frozen food down town, and run thus leaving the trebuchet in your friends house! 8th grade science fair.. good times

[lefty_monster]

Bring it to your friends house, fling frozen food down town, and run thus leaving the trebuchet in your friends house! 8th grade science fair.. good times

What should we do to ppl who don't post a question?

[Neinteen]

What should we do to ppl who don't post a question?

Force them to realize that they should have. Must've been some weird queer kid

How do i find Who placed the envelope with my name on it in the library book i got for summer req. with $43 and some foreign coin?

[remistress]

Who placed the envelope with my name on it in the library book i got for summer req. with $43 and some foreign coin?

Riiiighhht....except how do I give you atrocious advice on this?...well if Inq won't field this one I guess I kinda hafta

Get $43 worth of stamps and send out letters to people you randomly find in a phone book (If you need assistance in randomly generating phone numbers, exploding the phone book works nicely) ***with return envelopes*** asking if they were missing $43 or an old coin. This is also good atrocious advice for the question: How do I find a pen pal? (Buy one get one free day here in the thread of atrocious advice).

I'm worried that I might be thread monitoring . How do I ensure this sickness fades quickly?

[The Rose Knight]

Force them to realize that they should have. Must've been some weird queer kid

How do i find Who placed the envelope with my name on it in the library book i got for summer req. with $43 and some foreign coin?

Plug in a soldering iron and put a nice sized piece of plastic on it once it is hot. This will release vaporous fumes. Reach a zen state of consciousness by inhaling the fumes and meditating on the envelope for about an hour. This should bring their image into focus in your mind's eye and you shall know.

How do I get the Euro coins I have left over from my trip to Ireland to work in an American vending machine?

[Neinteen]

Plug in a soldering iron and put a nice sized piece of plastic on it once it is hot. This will release vaporous fumes. Reach a zen state of consciousness by inhaling the fumes and meditating on the envelope for about an hour. This should bring their image into focus in your mind's eye and you shall know.

How do I get the Euro coins I have left over from my trip to Ireland to work in an American vending machine?

Get a sharpie and write 25 ( where's the cents sign on the keyboard! ) 'cents' on it. and then it should work.

How do i explain to my parents why they found my brother ducttaped to the wall when they came home?

[lefty_monster]

Just sit there at the computer, innocently singing "Spiderman, Spiderman. Does whatever a spider can..." They'll never suspect you.

I can't sleep at night. What should I do?

[Neinteen]

Hmm... Fill yourself with sleeping pills, that sleep cough medicine stuff and get someone to pet your hair until you sleep and expect them to not do anything more once you are.

( Apparently, Spiderman isn't so innocent. so when they came in my room, i changed it to spiderpig and they left!)

Hmm, What should i do if i think my brother is pervertedly-bi-curious...?

[sneakattack]

Since someone got skipped (what's the matter with you people?! ) so I'll answer two this time. Sheesh!

I'm worried that I might be thread monitoring . How do I ensure this sickness fades quickly?

Every time you feel the urge to thread monitor, instead of coming here, go to a forum of some really boring sport like cricket or golf and monitor their threads. You'll be cured in no time!

Hmm, What should i do if i think my brother is pervertedly-bi-curious...?

Invite all your girlfriends over for a slumber party and let everyone dress him up in different girlie outfits with makeup and take lots of photos. I'm not going to tell you what to do with the photos, but I'm sure you can think of something...

My coworker quit to go work on a Will Smith movie and now I'm stuck with the early shift and extra work. How do I keep my spirits up and not get bogged down with cubicle fever while also getting rid of symptoms of resentment?

[Neinteen]

My coworker quit to go work on a Will Smith movie and now I'm stuck with the early shift and extra work. How do I keep my spirits up and not get bogged down with cubicle fever while also getting rid of symptoms of resentment?

Will smith has a new movie!? Tear down your cubicle, combine walls to make a large room, then paint it pink. Drink a LOT of vodka and go to a lot of parties. Then, hire an assassin to burn the script and all copies of it. Then, hire a neuro-surgeon to erase everyone memory who had read it.

What do you do with a brother that watches you sleep for 8 hours!?