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Fencergrl · 08-13-2006, 05:22 PM

Yes... I do. I just think you just hadn't had enough of being single yet. I predict that sometime in the next 10 years you will.

And if you haven't picked up too many bad habits, some woman will take you and make you into a respectable husband.

purpzeyFCLI · 08-13-2006, 05:23 PM

See, I think that's my problem. I am about ready to settle down. Now, when I say that, I don't necessarily mean house, kids etc...But I am ready to meet someone who has the potential to be the person I'll eventually do that with.

No one around me my age seems to understand my feelings about that. They would all just rather "be handled"

latenight · 08-13-2006, 05:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fencergrl

..some woman will take you and make you into a respectable husband.

Have you been in the cooking sherry, my dear?

LOL

purpzeyFCLI · 08-13-2006, 05:38 PM

And then sometimes people jack my thread and ignore me. . .I kid, seriously.

EDIT: God, I'm such a whiny Jew complainer...What stereotypical Long Island Jew, maybe that's part of the problem...Who knows, there are so many parts it'd be hard to fit them all in to one post.

latenight · 08-13-2006, 05:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by purpzeyFCLI

See, I think that's my problem. I am about ready to settle down. Now, when I say that, I don't necessarily mean house, kids etc...But I am ready to meet someone who has the potential to be the person I'll eventually do that with.

No one around me my age seems to understand my feelings about that. They would all just rather "be handled"

So I would recommend looking outside your age group. I mean not ridiculously out, but broaden your search. Think 26-29.

Fencergrl · 08-13-2006, 05:43 PM

Purp... I just checked your profile. You're 23. I personally don't think any long term relationships you have at this point will actually last a lifetime. Both you and anyone you meet still have a lot of growing and changing to do. I'm not saying it's impossible, it's just rare these days.

Being in your 20's is about figuring out who you are. You can do this within a relationship or in a series of relationships. There's a lot of social pressure to "settle down" and most of this will come from women (mother, sisters, and women you date and are friends with).

It's important to ask yourself why you want to settle down. Is this truly for your own reasons (and are they realistic?) or because others expect it from you.

If you really want to settle down, I suggest you look hard at what type of person you can spend every day with for decades. What characteristics make a good partner?

Do not gloss over this part.... think about what type of person brings out the best in you... what type of person do you fight well with?... yes Purp, you and your dearest will fight... Is there someone you could spend days with or someone you got bored with after an hour? Are there people that made you feel either wonderful or crappy (yes even lousy relationships are helpful)?.. If you cannot answer this... you really need to date and have short term commitments to figure this out.

If you do know what makes Purp happy, then you need to look for it. Online dating is good and bad for this. It only works if both people are honest with themselves and know themselves well enough to know who they are and what they're looking for.

Living your life and doing the things you enjoy is another way. Be friendly and approach people... someone will come your way. As my mother-in-law says... "There's a lid for every pot".

Edit... If you want a commitment because you are unhappy with yourself or your life, it is best to find a way to be comfortable with yourself first. You will do better in both dating and in a relationship. Face it... if you don't like you, then you make it hard for some stranger to.

latenight · 08-13-2006, 05:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fencergrl

Purp... I just checked your profile. You're 23. I personally don't think any long term relationships you have at this point will actually last a lifetime. Both you and anyone you meet still have a lot of growing and changing to do. I'm not saying it's impossible, it's just rare these days.

Being in your 20's is about figuring out who you are. You can do this within a relationship or in a series of relationships. There's a lot of social pressure to "settle down" and most of this will come from women (mother, sisters, and women you date and are friends with).

It's important to ask yourself why you want to settle down. Is this truly for your own reasons (and are they realistic?) or because others expect it from you.

If you really want to settle down, I suggest you look hard at what type of person you can spend every day with for decades. What characteristics make a good partner?

Do not gloss over this part.... think about what type of person brings out the best in you... you fight well with... yes Purp, you and your dearest will fight... Is there someone you could spend days with or someone you got bored with after an hour? If you can't think of people that made you feel either wonderful or crappy (yes even lousy relationships are helpful)... If you cannot answer this... you really need to date and have short term commitments to figure this out.

If you do know what makes Purp happy, then you need to look for it. Online dating is good and bad for this. It only works if both people are honest with themselves and know themselves well enough to know who they are and what they're looking for.

Living your life and doing the things you enjoy is another way. Be friendly and approach people... someone will come your way. As my mother-in-law says... "There's a lid for every pot".

Yeah, and what she said.

purpzeyFCLI · 08-13-2006, 05:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by latenight

So I would recommend looking outside your age group. I mean not ridiculously out, but broaden your search. Think 26-29.

Here's the issue there. Most women that age are starting to think "security" and as I am just entering law school it's going to be at least 5 years before I'll be able to offer that...And women always look for older men.

I dunno, I think when I start school it will be easier b/c right now online dating (my only real "outlet" to meet women) is just a total waste of my energy. I hear success stories..."My friend met his wife. . .etc." but, I don't experience them. . .

Mostly, no one responds to me AT ALL.

And I have come to believe that that has very little to do with me. I think women are just very hesistant with the online dating thing, and that makes it doubly difficult, b/c I am me, plus the online dating thing. So that's two strikes against right off the bat.

Now, before anyone goes and says "You have to be confident, etc etc..." I understand that...Self-deprication is just a personal form of humor. I don't always and necessarily believe it when I say such things, it's more to get a laugh than anything else.

latenight · 08-13-2006, 05:52 PM

School is a big commitment, it puts your life in sort of a hold till your done. But you'll be better for it after. Not to mention you might meet someone who has a lot more in common wife you at school than before.

My job takes a lot of my time. But I wouldn't trade it for anything. See, I LIKE the gamesmanship of the corporate world. And by being in something I like, I meet lots of people who can relate to that. Many of them female.

I wouldn't be where I am now without school though, so that's a key.

Don't worry about it so much and just do what comes natural to you. People will tell you to be super confident, but if YOU don't feel it, she will know it's an act. Be yourself and confidence will come. And never be afraid of taking risks and don't doubt yourself. Through oneself, all things are possible. But until you
believe in yourself, you can't expect anyone else to either. Just saying it doesn't count. You have to truly know you are capable of achieving anything- and that is the tricky part many people fail at.

Oh and sorry about the threadjack.....FG and I do that sometimes.....

Fencergrl · 08-13-2006, 05:59 PM

Purp... isn't it more fun to just let love come along and smack you on the side of the head one day??? Rather than carefully plot out your life, let it happen. Life is way less boring that way. Just tell yourself that sometime in the next 20 years you'll meet "the one" until then... have fun meet girls as friends, as dates... don't take it serious.... I know it's tough you're a serious guy who wants to plan his life out, but you're making yourself crazy right now.

latenight · 08-13-2006, 06:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fencergrl

Purp... isn't it more fun to just let love come along and smack you on the side of the head one day??? Rather than carefully plot out your life, let it happen. Life is way less boring that way. Just tell yourself that sometime in the next 20 years you'll meet "the one" until then... have fun meet girls as friends, as dates... don't take it serious.... I know it's tough you're a serious guy who wants to plan his life out, but you're making yourself crazy right now.

"isn't it more fun to just let love come along and smack you on the side of the head one day"

Love has smacked me in the head several times in a day before......sadly I did something to deserve the smacking..LOL

Fencergrl · 08-13-2006, 06:04 PM

and I'm sure you also have it on tape m'dear!

Besides... I suspect you enjoyed the smacking.

latenight · 08-13-2006, 06:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fencergrl

and I'm sure you also have it on tape m'dear!

Have you been in my video cabinet again?

Fencergrl · 08-13-2006, 06:12 PM

A girl's got to get her thrills somehow

latenight · 08-13-2006, 06:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fencergrl

A girl's got to get her thrills somehow

Hmmm, the one marked July 4th appears to be.....missing......

purpzeyFCLI · 08-13-2006, 06:19 PM

Wow. That all FG and Latenight is a tremendous amount of sagacious information.

FG: Without divulging any more about my true private (not personal) life, I can say that I've had a fair share of bouts with depression, and within the last six months I've finally got my act together.

Had it not been for that, I wouldn't be going to law school. Nor would I have just lost 20 lbs. (25 more to go. . .) So, in truth I am fairly happy about where I am and what I am. In terms of knowing what I want, I've had 3, 2 year relationships starting towards the end of high-school. So I have some idea. And I am ABSOLUTELY AGREED that most likely at this point whoever I meet, I probably won't marry...But, I want that potential, like I want to meet someone I THINK I MIGHT be able to marry one day.

In all of my relationships I thought they were good, but I always knew there would be an end. I could always feel my heart or my head (however you prefer) saying "This is not what I want...I want X to be different, or I want Y to be different"
I would just like to understand somebody and have somebody understand me. So I guess in short, what I seek is not to settle down, perhaps I mis-spoke, but I seek an adult relationship. Which would be different from what I've had before. Not as to say there weren't complex and feelings before b/c there were, but, there was always some element shy.

My grandfather often says "Every pot has a lid..." my mom has so elequently translated "Every seat has a**" which is sort of funnier. And I do believe that.

Frankly, in all honesty without any other words necessary, I'm just lonely. So, starting school and meeting new people, friends, and potential girlfriends has tremendous potential and is so exciting. Truth is new friends are probably more important to my prolonged happiness as g/fs can come and go...But, I've been lonely for a while so, it's just starting to get tired. And frankly, most people don't consider six months a long time to be lonely, but I haven't really been doing anything so it's seemed like an eternity.

But, your advice hits the nail on the head really. The truth is there is no quick and easy solution. I just need to "chill" and let life come to me and sieze it when it does...And starting law school is SUCH a perfect time for that.

Latenight: You're on the money too. There is a really good chance of me meeting many people in law school who are on the same page with me. That's why they are there.

And when I find those people, be it as potential g/fs or simply as friends that will make my life much happier. So, yeah, what you like about your life, is what I seek in my own.

As I said earlier in the post, I just need to cool out for a little bit, as a matter of fact, it's exactly a week from today that I'm starting school, and then, things will start to get better. And they can only get better. There's no doubt I'll meet new people and make new friends. There's no doubt I will meet women and potential girlfriends. There's no doubt I will be successful to some degree or another and all of that puts me way ahead of where I am now. There's only up from here. . .And I'm ready and waiting.

And in the meantime I'll have 2 nights worth of fencing, possibly more, and I'll have you "guys" and the rest of the forum to keep me busy...

Thanks for all the help up to now, and presumably the continuous banter and help,
--Purp (who for the record, since this is sort on a personal subject, is called Brian in real life)

EDIT: You two have been bantering away this whole and here I am composing a pensive and attemptingly(is that word) poignant commentary. I feel silly. But you guys make me laugh.

Fencergrl · 08-13-2006, 06:27 PM

Glad we could help and make you laugh! Take care Brian!

latenight · 08-13-2006, 06:30 PM

No problem. Glad we could help.

FG- Do you know what the wonderful thing about Tiggers is?

purpzeyFCLI · 08-13-2006, 06:31 PM

You're the only one?