07-10-2006, 06:44 PM
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#1 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 5,537
| Relationship advice
1. when she asks how she looks shrug and say "could be better" this will keep her on her toes. and girls love that.
2. never hold her hand. this can be interpreted as a sign of weakness. (or if she grabs your hand squeeze hers really really hard until she cries. this will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are.)
3. once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. girls are like dogs. they love to be roughed up.
4. call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. if she is say you better be , repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. this will show her you care.
5. when she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. this will pave the way for her own personal improvement. and every girl needs some improvement.
6. recognize the small things . . . they usually mean the most. then when she's sleeping, steal all her small things and break them. because jewelry is for pussies and asian ladies.
7. if youre talking to another girl, make sure shes looking. When she is, stare into her eyes mouth the words @#%$ you and grab the other girls ass. Girls love competition.
8. tell her you're taking her out to dinner. drive for miles so she thinks it's going to be really special. then take her to a burning tire yard. when she starts to get upset tell her you were just kidding and now you're really going to take her to dinner. then drive her home. when she starts crying and asks why you would do something like that lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear "...because i can."
9. introduce her to your friends as "some chick". women love those special nicknames.
10. play with her hair. play with it HARD.
11. warm her up when shes cold...and not by giving her your jacket... then you might get cold. rather, look her in the eye and say "if you don't stop *****ing about the cold right now you're going to be *****ing about a black eye." the best way to get warm is with fear.
12. Take her to a party. When you get there shell have to go to the bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the partys dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you at the party.
13. make her laugh. a good way to do this is if she has a small pet. kick the pet. i always find stuff like that funny. why shouldn't girls?
14. let her fall asleep in your arms. when she's fast asleep, wait 10 minutes then JUMP UP AND SCREAM IN HER EAR! repeat until she goes home and you can use your arms for more important things. like basketball.
15. Spit often. I hear girls like guys that spit.
16. if you care about her never ever tell her. this will only give her self confidence. then you can never turn her into the object she deep down desires to be.
17. Every time youre in her house steal one of the following: shoes, earrings, or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair. This way shell go crazy.
18. Take her out to dinner. Right when shes about to order interrupt and say no shes not hungry. make her watch you eat. Girls love a guy that speaks for her.
19. look her in the eyes and smile. then clock her one. girls love a spontaneous guy.
20. give her one of your t-shirts......and make sure it has your smell on it. but not a sexy cologne smell. a bad smell. you know what i'm talking about.
21. When its raining keep asking her if shes crying. Shell say no its just the rain ten minutes later turn to her and just scream at her to stop crying you @#%$ baby. Girls like a tough man as i've already stated.
22. Titty twisters and plenty of them.
23. if youre listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell her no. this way she'll think you're mysterious.
24. remember her birthday but don't get her something. Teach her material objects arent important. The only thing thats important is that she keeps you happy. And your happiness is the greatest present she can ever get.
25. when she gives you a present on your birthday, christmas, or just when ever, take it and tell her you love it. then next time you know she's coming over on a trash day leave the trash can open and have the present visibly sticking out of the can. girls actually don't like this one that much but i think it's funny.
26. If shes mad at you for not calling her when you say you will promise her that you will call her at a certain time of the day. This will make sure that she waits by the phone. Tell her when you call youre going to tell her a special surprise. Now shell be really excited. Now dont call.
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"I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. And from this side only! The flight of a half-man, half-bird. Dinosaurs nuzzling their young in pastures where strip malls should be. Cookies on dowels. All those moment, lost in time. Gone, like eggs off a hooker's stomach. Time to die" -Phil Ken Sebben
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|  | | And now for this message... |
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07-11-2006, 12:14 AM
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#2 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: MA
Posts: 7,459
| Maybe it's because I'm immature, but I thought this was really funny. | 
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07-11-2006, 12:19 AM
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#3 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Jyväskylä
Posts: 3,876
| Funny stuff... but it's already been around the internet a few times.
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Quit touchin' me, ya freak
F.Net Rule #1: E. L. E. (everybody love everybody)
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07-11-2006, 06:13 AM
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#4 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 1,216
| Orly?
Number 27: Show her the "Spiderman" attack, if you get my drift...
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I am he
The bornless one
The fallen angel watching you.. | |
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07-11-2006, 10:03 AM
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#5 | | Épéeist Hive Queen
Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Sweden
Posts: 12,754
| 28. Promise things you don't intend to ever fulfil. Women love cowardly bastards that show how little you mean to them.  
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Fencing is my only PvP. | |
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07-11-2006, 10:42 AM
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#6 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Bay Area
Posts: 4,639
| Quote: |
Originally Posted by Zilverzmurfen 28. Promise things you don't intend to ever fulfil. Women love cowardly bastards that show how little you mean to them. | Really? Sweet! I'm a cowardly bastard with no empathy; I'll be on easy street soon enough!
__________________
"If I were ever to challenge you to a duel, your best bet would be battle axes in a very dark basement." Misquoted from The Prisoner
"Technical excellence is the antecedant of tactical creativity." - Nat Goodhartz
But those things which belong neither to God nor to Caeser, feeleth free to writeth them off, for yea, they are deductable.
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07-11-2006, 12:30 PM
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#7 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Jyväskylä
Posts: 3,876
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__________________
Quit touchin' me, ya freak
F.Net Rule #1: E. L. E. (everybody love everybody)
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07-11-2006, 02:39 PM
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#8 | | Senior Member
Join Date: May 2005 Location: Mid-West USA
Posts: 613
| I think DFP may well be on his way to becoming a 40 year old virgin.
Regards,
Feltan | |
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07-11-2006, 02:54 PM
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#9 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Mountain Home, Idaho
Posts: 287
| If DFP really thinks this is what girls want, then he belongs in a rubber room!
__________________
I can be really sweet one second and be a complete bi*ch the next, so be careful on where you tread when you're around me.
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07-11-2006, 02:54 PM
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#10 | | Member
Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: CO
Posts: 56
| LOL!
I somehow don't think that advice will work too well.  | |
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07-11-2006, 02:57 PM
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#11 | | Senior Member
Join Date: May 2005 Location: Mid-West USA
Posts: 613
| Quote: |
Originally Posted by Josephine25 If DFP really thinks this is what girls want, then he belongs in a rubber room! | Indeed, for a second I thought you wrote a room with rubbers -- and I don't think he will have much use for them.
Regards,
Feltan | |
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07-11-2006, 05:39 PM
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#12 | | Senior Member
Join Date: May 2003 Location: UK
Posts: 1,565
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__________________
Louweasel
"I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from" [Eddie Izzard]
"she might not look like much, kid, but she's got it where it counts"
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07-11-2006, 08:59 PM
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#13 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 5,537
| Now when did you come back?
We all have alot of rep to give you....
__________________
"I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. And from this side only! The flight of a half-man, half-bird. Dinosaurs nuzzling their young in pastures where strip malls should be. Cookies on dowels. All those moment, lost in time. Gone, like eggs off a hooker's stomach. Time to die" -Phil Ken Sebben
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07-11-2006, 09:27 PM
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#14 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: MA
Posts: 7,459
| Quote: |
Originally Posted by Josephine25 If DFP really thinks this is what girls want, then he belongs in a rubber room! | OMGZ u r so rite! | |
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07-11-2006, 09:41 PM
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#15 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Japan
Posts: 1,040
| Is it just this sweltering southern heat or does anybody else sense the burning attraction between Josephine25 and DFP?
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FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WON'T YOU BUY MY TACTICAL WHEEL!!!???? | |
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07-11-2006, 09:46 PM
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#16 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 5,537
| You are one perceptive guy.
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"I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. And from this side only! The flight of a half-man, half-bird. Dinosaurs nuzzling their young in pastures where strip malls should be. Cookies on dowels. All those moment, lost in time. Gone, like eggs off a hooker's stomach. Time to die" -Phil Ken Sebben
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07-11-2006, 09:49 PM
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#17 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Mountain Home, Idaho
Posts: 287
| Quote: |
Originally Posted by Grasshopper Is it just this sweltering southern heat or does anybody else sense the burning attraction between Josephine25 and DFP? | OMG! That is so nasty. I havn't even met the guy.
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I can be really sweet one second and be a complete bi*ch the next, so be careful on where you tread when you're around me.
Last edited by Josephine25; 07-11-2006 at 09:54 PM.
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07-11-2006, 10:01 PM
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#18 | | Just Joined
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 15
| From what I've been told, Josephine25 already has a boyfriend. 
__________________
Did your parents ever ask you to run away? | |
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07-12-2006, 12:03 AM
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#19 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Japan
Posts: 1,040
| A scene from "Gone with the Teens"
Josephine25: DFP, DFP where are you going?
DFP: I'm going to Charleston. Back where I belong.
Josephine25: Please, please take me with you.
DFP: No. I'm through with everything here. I want
peace. I want to see if somewhere if there is something
left in life with charm and grace. Do you know what I'm
talking about?
Josephine25: No. I only know that I love you.
DFP: That's your misfortune.
Josephine25: DFP! If you go, where shall I go? What shall
I do?
DFP: Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn.
__________________
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WON'T YOU BUY MY TACTICAL WHEEL!!!???? | |
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07-12-2006, 05:32 AM
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#20 | | Curmudgeon-in-Chief
Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Somewhere in your nightmares!
Posts: 23,475
| Quote: |
Originally Posted by Louweasel | Huh.
I was watching one of those shows where they stop people on the street and ask them questions. This one was asking what sort of things they wished their lovers would do in bed, or what sort of things turn them on. I was surprised by the high number of women who claimed to be excited by having their hair pulled...
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Use the Shift key, people! Keyboard manufacturers everywhere are ineffably saddened when you ignore what they made just for you!
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