12-10-2001, 03:48 PM
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#1 | | Quit (no longer with us)
Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: usa
Posts: 402
| Elf Mail
TODAYS STOCK MARKET REPORT
Helium was up, feathers were down.
Paper was stationary.
Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading.
Knives were up sharply.
Cows steered into a bull market.
Pencils lost a few points.
Hiking equipment was trailing.
Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline.
Weights were up in heavy trading.
Light switches were off.
Mining equipment hit rock bottom.
Diapers remained unchanged.
Shipping lines stayed at an even keel.
The market for raisins dried up.
Coca Cola fizzled.
Caterpillar stock inched up a bit.
Sun peaked at midday.
Balloon prices were inflated.
Scott Tissue touched a new bottom.
And batteries exploded in an attempt to recharge the market. | 
| | | And now for this message... |
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12-10-2001, 06:02 PM
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#2 | | Senior Member
Join Date: May 2001
Posts: 698
| Umm...wow. Wacko, yet strangely hilarious.
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It is the soldier, not the reporter, who has given us the freedom of the press. It is the soldier, not the poet, who has given us the freedom of speech. It is the soldier, not the campus organizer, who gives us the freedom to demonstrate. It is the soldier who salutes the flag, who serves beneath the flag, and whose coffin is draped by the flag, who allows the protestor to burn the flag. - Father Dennis Edward O'Brien, USMC
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12-10-2001, 06:25 PM
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#3 | | Senior Member
Join Date: May 2001 Location: (near Chicago)IL, USA
Posts: 532
| Truly funny, Mango. Did you make it up?
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CAUTION: The heart is a fragile thing. Handle with care.
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12-10-2001, 06:42 PM
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#4 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2001 Location: Cincinnati, OH
Posts: 222
| Wow thanks for a great laugh! I hope you wrote that cuz it's absolute genius 
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My cats ate my signature. Good thing I have this handy inspirtational quote as a back-up!
{Inspirational quote not found.}
CURSES!
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12-11-2001, 04:52 AM
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#5 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 1999 Location: Australia - various
Posts: 2,756
| Mango, its made my day!!!
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You may love me but you dont accept me. I dont want your love without your acceptance. | |
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12-11-2001, 09:24 AM
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#6 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 1999 Location: Grand Rapids, MI, USA
Posts: 2,993
| Applause, applause... <img src="graemlins/blah.gif" border="0" alt="[Blah]" />
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Nothing is more frightening than ignorance in action. | |
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12-11-2001, 09:53 AM
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#7 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2000 Location: Redford, Michigan
Posts: 890
| Bless you, Mango! I work at H&R Block Financial Advisors (formerly OLDE Discount Stockbrokers) and I've been looking for that for 6 years now! I had heard it 6 years ago on a comedy show, and laughed my butt off! I'm printing that and distributing it to the staff! | |
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12-11-2001, 11:29 AM
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#8 | | Quit (no longer with us)
Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: usa
Posts: 402
| a friend sent it to me, i thought it was funny too, and we needed to raise our spirits. | |
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12-11-2001, 07:03 PM
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#9 | | Just Joined
Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: member at large
Posts: 6
| yes we did, i thought it was pretty good. hope to see you on the strip. <img src="graemlins/evild.gif" border="0" alt="[Evil]" />
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fencing is wonderful
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12-12-2001, 07:19 AM
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#10 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 1999 Location: earth(sometimes)
Posts: 1,181
| Mango, I like it.
arcon | |
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12-12-2001, 04:13 PM
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#11 | | Curmudgeon-in-Chief
Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Somewhere in your nightmares!
Posts: 23,534
| Funny! ( Though from the title I was expecting something about Elvish armor! )
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Use the Shift key, people! Keyboard manufacturers everywhere are ineffably saddened when you ignore what they made just for you!
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