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Thread: Elf Mail

  1. 12-10-2001 02:48 PM #1
    its_me_mango
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    Elf Mail

    TODAYS STOCK MARKET REPORT

    Helium was up, feathers were down.
    Paper was stationary.
    Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading.
    Knives were up sharply.
    Cows steered into a bull market.
    Pencils lost a few points.
    Hiking equipment was trailing.
    Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline.
    Weights were up in heavy trading.
    Light switches were off.
    Mining equipment hit rock bottom.
    Diapers remained unchanged.
    Shipping lines stayed at an even keel.
    The market for raisins dried up.
    Coca Cola fizzled.
    Caterpillar stock inched up a bit.
    Sun peaked at midday.
    Balloon prices were inflated.
    Scott Tissue touched a new bottom.
    And batteries exploded in an attempt to recharge the market.
  2. 12-10-2001 05:02 PM #2
    Swordsman
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    Umm...wow. Wacko, yet strangely hilarious.
    It is the soldier, not the reporter, who has given us the freedom of the press. It is the soldier, not the poet, who has given us the freedom of speech. It is the soldier, not the campus organizer, who gives us the freedom to demonstrate. It is the soldier who salutes the flag, who serves beneath the flag, and whose coffin is draped by the flag, who allows the protestor to burn the flag. - Father Dennis Edward O'Brien, USMC
  3. 12-10-2001 05:25 PM #3
    DamedEscrime
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    Truly funny, Mango. Did you make it up?
    CAUTION: The heart is a fragile thing. Handle with care.
  4. 12-10-2001 05:42 PM #4
    Scaramouche
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    Wow thanks for a great laugh! I hope you wrote that cuz it's absolute genius
    // I make shiny things! http://aztecpink.etsy.com //
  5. 12-11-2001 03:52 AM #5
    Zelda
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    Mango, its made my day!!!
    Theses are evil....VERY evil, someone rescue me pls!
  6. 12-11-2001 08:24 AM #6
    lochinvar
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    Applause, applause... <img src="graemlins/blah.gif" border="0" alt="[Blah]" />
    Nothing is more frightening than ignorance in action.
  7. 12-11-2001 08:53 AM #7
    HilandDoug
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    Bless you, Mango! I work at H&R Block Financial Advisors (formerly OLDE Discount Stockbrokers) and I've been looking for that for 6 years now! I had heard it 6 years ago on a comedy show, and laughed my butt off! I'm printing that and distributing it to the staff!
  8. 12-11-2001 10:29 AM #8
    its_me_mango
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    a friend sent it to me, i thought it was funny too, and we needed to raise our spirits.
  9. 12-11-2001 06:03 PM #9
    steel_blade
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    yes we did, i thought it was pretty good. hope to see you on the strip. <img src="graemlins/evild.gif" border="0" alt="[Evil]" />
    fencing is wonderful
  10. 12-12-2001 06:19 AM #10
    arcon
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    Mango, I like it.

    arcon
  11. 12-12-2001 03:13 PM #11
    Inquartata
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    Funny! ( Though from the title I was expecting something about Elvish armor! )
    Use the Shift key, people! Keyboard manufacturers everywhere are ineffably saddened when you ignore what they made just for you!
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