Youth Sport: Parent druged kid's opponents (tennis)

[D+F+P=Hadouken!]

Lol........

[RebelFencer]

Originally Posted by Fencergrl

His mother's love and affection....

Wow, me and DFP have something in common in that case...

[zéphirin]

What about the Texas cheerleader's mom? Didn't they make a movie?

Any similar stories with fencing parents?

[SMSEpee]

I wasn't at this particular tournament, but my son and a fencer from another club were fencing. The mother of one of my son's teammates was openly cheering my son's opponent in the first round of DEs.

The most venemous fencing mom I know hates fencing. Within earshot of her son, she's always saying things like "Can you think of a worse way to spend a day?" or "I really hate it when (husband) is out of town, this is just so boring".

Haven't heard of any drugging of opponents, though. Although I'd like to drug a few parents.

[dreamer90024]

This all makes me very glad that my parents have almost no clue about my fencing. At competitions I've come off the strip and been asked, "so.. what happened? You won? okay, what now?" "well dad, that means I got into the next round." "oh... ok." *wanders off*
Seriously though, it's a good thing I switched to epee. I don't think they could handle right of way. It's also kind of nice not to have pressure from them to do well, I put enough on myself and, being a rebellious teenager and all that, it might have a bit of a reverse effect. Not that anything could really keep me from fencing.
I do have a lot of friends that have quit ballet, gymnatics, soccer, etc, because they felt like their parents were putting on too much pressure and that they weren't doing it for themselves, just for their parents.

[Mo]

Originally Posted by dreamer90024

I do have a lot of friends that have quit ballet, gymnatics, soccer, etc, because they felt like their parents were putting on too much pressure and that they weren't doing it for themselves, just for their parents.

Exactly. Do it for youself. Don't do it for your coach, for all the other parents in the club, the team manager, just for you. To do anything very well and love it, the activity has to have value to you.
Too bad more people can't realize that. Wonderful that you have.
Momster

[telkanuru]

I think my most amusing "angry parent story" was at an E and under foil comp. Seriously, better places, people.

One fencer was being beaten 11-4 or so and then remembered how to do a beat, scoring 11 touches on attack-parry-riposte, remise calls to win the bout 15-14. Angry father comes up to me (the ref) afterwards and shouts "EVERY TIME TWO LIGHTS WENT ON YOU GAVE IT TO THE OTHER KID."

My response? "Yes sir, I did." And I walked away. Know the rules before you *****!

[Slim]

Originally Posted by Captain Hook

i've even had a teenager crying as she told me how she never really wanted to fence even though her parents drove her to 4 clubs a week for 3 years which was pretty upsetting

Parents have massive influence over young people involved in the sport, but with younger fencers being in a vulnerable positon, this influence can be very damaging no matter how well meant it is.

I think fencers, coaches and organisers (especially) at a local level in all nations should keep a protective eye on younger fencers, as some parents simply cannot be trusted to do so themselves.

Perhaps her parents were trying to keep her occupied so she didnt start hanging out at the mall and falling in with the wrong crowd? Parents motivations for introducing their kids to fencing, or any sport for that matter are varied. You may understand this when you are responsible for rasing kids of your own.

Some parents are psychos. Most are not. None are perfect, but most are trying to do the best for their kids. I've been to locals, regionals and NACs, and I've seen a couple of real winners, but they are the exception and not the norm. I've seen more coaches who should have been removed than I have parents. Parents have a lot more vested in their kids than the coaches do. I've had my own kids treated miserably by a fencing coach, then told to leave the coaching to him. He came real close to needing new dentures.

And in my experience, it's the children of the over-achieving parents, or the high-school/college super-jocks who are the ones that experience enourmous pressure to "live up" to their parents accomplishments. Not the reverse as someone here had indicated.

[Mo]

It is a difficult balance for coaches and parents. Some coaches do not understand boundries, coach vs parent, or being told, "no."

Eastern European coaches seem to seriously have this difficulty. They want to decide issues in their fencer's lives that are none of their business. Many coaches of elite fencers are dead set against their students going to college unless it is one where they still have the right to control the fencing career of the kid.

They want the kids to give up almost everything that is important in their lives that would take time away from fencing. Some parents are more than happy to put a kid under coach control. That is just WRONG.

Then the same coaches wonder why the fencers burn out and discover a different life in college. Again, there has to be intrinsic value to the fencer for his fencing. Leave that stuff alone, coaches!! parents!!! back off.
(if you are a reasonable parent or coach please disreguard the last sentence.)
The Momster

[Captain Hook]

Originally Posted by Slim

Perhaps her parents were trying to keep her occupied so she didnt start hanging out at the mall and falling in with the wrong crowd? Parents motivations for introducing their kids to fencing, or any sport for that matter are varied. You may understand this when you are responsible for rasing kids of your own.

Some parents are psychos. Most are not. None are perfect, but most are trying to do the best for their kids. I've been to locals, regionals and NACs, and I've seen a couple of real winners, but they are the exception and not the norm. I've seen more coaches who should have been removed than I have parents. Parents have a lot more vested in their kids than the coaches do. I've had my own kids treated miserably by a fencing coach, then told to leave the coaching to him. He came real close to needing new dentures.

And in my experience, it's the children of the over-achieving parents, or the high-school/college super-jocks who are the ones that experience enourmous pressure to "live up" to their parents accomplishments. Not the reverse as someone here had indicated.

yeah

i'm not saying all parents are bad, it's a self induced responsibility and a hard job that many i know do very well at.

i'm no parent... but i do know very well how people behave

i know exactly why this girl fences/d and the motivation for her parents getting her involved in the sport... it isn't the one you said (i feel it's wrong of me to mention it in detail)

being a 'parent' is no excuse for treating a child in a manner that hurts them in such a way

a person should send their child to a fencing club because they want to fence... not to keep them out of trouble, give them an environment exclusivly for socialisation or at worse provide a temporary baby sitting service.

in some cases i think it's the fact that parents have a lot vested in their children that removes their objectivity and in scary cases their empathy.

i have also seen dubious coaches, but for children under a certain age and not capable of judging this on their own, parents should be aware of the coaches personality and if this appropriate or not.

in my experience i also find that it's the 'over achieving' types that put the most pressure on their kids, rather than the 'under achievers'

[mlr2fence]

Apparently I wasn't clear on the 'under-over achiever' part. By 'low achiever' parents I was referring to the ones who, as kids were the bench warmers when they felt they should have been the star, didn't make the cheer leading squad, etc or were/are the couch potato sports junkie. These are the parents I was thinking of who push their kids so that they can live vicariously thru their kids.
They didn't have success so by golly their kids will!

[rustica]

Mo, you hit the nail on the head!! My fencer's former coach didn't want her to take too much "personal" time away from the salle. Family vacations? Forget it, not if it interfered with camps, local tourneys, etc. She fences because she loves the game. The do or die for national teams, colleges, whatever, as prescribed by some coaches, will do far more harm than an over-eager parent.

[Mr Epee]

Originally Posted by Slim

Perhaps her parents were trying to keep her occupied so she didnt start hanging out at the mall and falling in with the wrong crowd? Parents motivations for introducing their kids to fencing, or any sport for that matter are varied. You may understand this when you are responsible for rasing kids of your own.

You might be surprised to learn that elite competitive youth sports are in fact catalysts for deviant behavior - rather than the deterant that is normally assumed.

This is a fairly interesting field of sport sociology.

[Kenji]

Originally Posted by keropie

I would expect the difficulty would lie in proving beyond a reasonable doubt (on this side of the pond, at least) that the drugging caused the accident. I don't expect any of us have any doubts that it contributed to it, but that definitely alters the texture of the case, if nothing else. Additionally, none of us are privy to the full facts of the case or the additionaly information. Though I do agree, eight years does seem a bit light. I would have thought that they'd be looking more at the twenty, and then letting him out in 12ish (good behavior, or whatever).

Either way, I hope the NGB's and IGB for tennis bans him for life. No watching, no coaching, etc.

Well, if there's a warning against operating heavy machinery after taking the drug, I would imagine it wouldn't be too hard to make the argument that the drugging impaired their ability to drive, leading to the accident. Bring in a doctor to examine the witnesses' acounts of how they were behaving at the match to determine more or less how heavily they were drugged, sounds pretty convincing to me. Then again, I'm no lawyer, so I'm sure there are other intricacies that come into account. And besides, it was accidental... I'm sure they were able to bring the sentence down to or near the minimum.

[Captain Hook]

Originally Posted by mlr2fence

Apparently I wasn't clear on the 'under-over achiever' part. By 'low achiever' parents I was referring to the ones who, as kids were the bench warmers when they felt they should have been the star, didn't make the cheer leading squad, etc or were/are the couch potato sports junkie. These are the parents I was thinking of who push their kids so that they can live vicariously thru their kids.
They didn't have success so by golly their kids will!

i know what you mean, and the last 3 lines are creepy lol

the pushy parent's i've known tend to be succesful in some way or the other

being rich, having some form of sporting achievement etcetc

it's almost like they can't bear there children to be unsuccesful as it might stain their personal record

[Slim]

Originally Posted by Mr Epee

You might be surprised to learn that elite competitive youth sports are in fact catalysts for deviant behavior - rather than the deterant that is normally assumed.

I'm not sure who actually assumed elite youth sports are a deterant to anything other than a normal childhood. I would argue that so called "deviant" behavioral traits are a prerequsite for being sucessful as an elite competitor. Some kids have it, some dont. I'm glad mine dont.

Originally Posted by Mr Epee

This is a fairly interesting field of sport sociology.

Perhaps, but it really has nothing to do with my remarks. The majority of people fencing, kids or adults for that matter, don't fall into the elite competitive catagory and are doing it more for the social and physical aspects of the sport.

[Mo]

Originally Posted by Mr Epee

You might be surprised to learn that elite competitive youth sports are in fact catalysts for deviant behavior - rather than the deterant that is normally assumed.

This is a fairly interesting field of sport sociology.

Could you elaborate on this? I would love to read some studies. I can sure see how it could be with all the pressure that is on the kids. They repress and repress, then WHAMMO it just has to EXPLODE....
Momster