Funny Ref Sayings!

[telkanuru]

I've come across a couple of these recently, so I thought I'd share them. You should share yours, too!

[gestures at left fencer]
"You fence poorly."
[gestures at right fencer]
"You fence worse. Touch left."
-Unattributed

[Several simultanious touches]
Coach (irate): "Why always simultanious?!"
Ref (confused): "Because they keep attacking each other..."
-Random ref at JOs

"I am a referee, and that means I am a service provider. I must give the fencers the best experience with in the boundaries of the rules. If you get a blade in your chest, I will perform CPR; I am also an EMT. But I will still be running your 10-minute clock."
-Mr. Choi, NIFWAs

*grin*

[FencingKitten]

So, Beau Brunson, pride of the Texas A&M fencing team... or at least, easily its proudest member

Beau loves his story, about when a referee makes a statement of fact about what happened on strip. I will admit, it's much better when he tells it, with visuals

Beau: (with hand signals) "Halt! Attack is on my right, it is parried, riposte left. Touche left."
Right: "Sir, there was no blade contact, when did that become a parry?"
Beau: "It became a parry when I did *this* (parry signal), and it became a riposte, when I did *this* (signal riposte arrives). Any more questions?"

[KD5MDK]

Tomasz - "Beat attack arrives. Touch right."
Fencer on the left - "But it was a parry riposte!"
Tomasz - "I liked his beat attack. Was pretty."

Me, deciding priority:
"Torch up, priority is to the right. Inscription up, priority is to the left"
(Tosses medal just awarded for 8th place in the preceding event)

Referee - (twirls finger in the air next to his head while making a call in a WF bout)
Spectating referee - "What was that? Dingbat to the right arrives?"

Referee - "You dance, he dances. No touch."

In a sabre bout:
"If you two keep fencing epee, I'll blackcard you both."

[peet]

Fencer after weapon fails on-strip test:
"But Sir, it was just working a minute ago!"

Referee (Michael Marx):
"I've never known a weapon not to work right before it stops working."



-p

[KD5MDK]

Action: Double touch. Fencer's blade breaks, end is dangling by the wires.
Fencer - "May I change my weapon sir?"
Referee - "No. On guard"

[remise]

Attack from right fails.....
Counterattack from left.....no
Remise from right.......whatever that was........lands. It was too ugly to call.

This I heard once at a local tournament.

[Mauler]

Originally Posted by telkanuru

"I am a referee, and that means I am a service provider. I must give the fencers the best experience with in the boundaries of the rules. If you get a blade in your chest, I will perform CPR; I am also an EMT. But I will still be running your 10-minute clock."
-Mr. Choy, NIFWAs

I think it was more along the lines of, "We are functionaries in a recreational sports industry. And as such we should always keep in mind the customer service aspect within the boundaries of the rules." .... (in a seperate discussion) ..... "Well, yeah. I'm a trained EMT, so if a fencer has a heart attack and there's no medical help available, I realize that I might as well be the one down on the floor doing the CPR. But I'll most certainly keep an eye on my stop watch, because, you know, my primary function there is still that of a referee."

Here's anther one from the same gathering......

"Statistically speaking, it's most likely that when it's time for me to go it's probably going to happen on a strip or in some relation to my service in a fencing tournament. With all the number of days in a year that I ref, and all the irresponsible choices that I make in my health, and considering that most active hours of my days are when I'm at serving at tournaments, including transit, chances are that it will happen on a strip."

"I know myself well enough to realize that when it happens, and as I'm dropping with final supply of oxygen thinning out in my brain, I would still be completing the call as best as I possibly can communicate under excruciating pain. I mean, my hand signals might not be as precise, but I'm still responsible for that last call because I was there, and I saw it. And the very last image of my life might as well be a Yellow Card that I gave myself for distubring order as the oxygen runs out in my brain and the tunnel vision closes in."

.
.

[RITFencing]

When reffing foil in a small tournament in New York State:

A fencer's foil fails inspection. He borrows one and fences the bout. On his next bout, he reports to strip with the same weapon.

Me: Is this the same weapon that failed inspection last time?
Him: Yeah.
Me: Then what made you think it would work this time?

Same tournament, different bout:

When I say "On guard, please," one girl just stands there staring off into space. I asked her if everything was ok, and in a light, airheaded voice she replies "Oh, I'm fine, I was just thinking of music."

"That's wonderful; we're on a timetable here. Get on guard. NOW."

*twitches involuntarily*

I will never again ref at a tournament where I am told "It's just a friendly affair, we really won't be worrying about the rules or getting every last bout finished."

[larkmaj]

Originally Posted by RITFencing

I will never again ref at a tournament where I am told "It's just a friendly affair, we really won't be worrying about the rules or getting every last bout finished."

and what made you think this tournament sounded like a good idea in the first place?

[RITFencing]

Originally Posted by larkmaj

and what made you think this tournament sounded like a good idea in the first place?

Oh, I was already there when they told us that. Also, I'm kind of a dumbass, from time to time.

[Mauler]

Michel Dessureault:

A very much smart-a** fencer makes a plea for him to reconsider his call considering "extraneous circumstances" surrounding the touch...

"Well. Let me think. OK! First, I give you an "E" -- E is for effort. Second, I give you an "F" -- F is for **** off! "

.
.
On a certain Y-10 event where he was helping out... Keep in mind for best visual effect, Michel's godzilla body frame is comparable to that of Justin Meehan. Y-10 kids are tiny.

"Now, let's see. You! You did something. No. You tried to do something. And it didn't work! (gives the toddler a scary and/or incredulous look, probably unintended to be such) ... And YOU! (the other toddler is now really scared) I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU DID?!? (turns back to the first kid) Then YOU! You did a fencing action!?! It worked!!!! (opens his eyes really wide, and the scary look becomes a "AH-HAH!" smile with his arms up)

[whtouche]

Originally Posted by telkanuru

I've come across a couple of these recently, so I thought I'd share them. You should share yours, too!

[gestures at left fencer]
"You fence poorly."
[gestures at right fencer]
"You fence worse. Touch left."
-Unattributed

You guys quote that all the time, I can't believe you don't know where it's from.
You all heard it from me, I heard it from Mr. G who heard it originally from misha shimshovich at pomme de terre a few years.

To the best of my recollection it is "You do bad. You do worse. Touch left"

[tonybogdan]

2 Foil fencers at a local HS Tournament:

*Both fencers fence, one is tired, has wide parries, hits off target on the floor."

Director: "HALT! Fencer to my right attacks the floor, floor parries. No touch."

[Mauler]

Halt.

Ladies, please leave the floor alone. It didn't do anything to you.

[keropie]

Originally Posted by whtouche

You guys quote that all the time, I can't believe you don't know where it's from.
You all heard it from me, I heard it from Mr. G who heard it originally from misha shimshovich at pomme de terre a few years.

To the best of my recollection it is "You do bad. You do worse. Touch left"

That's far from a singular occurance in Misha's fencing vocabulary. I think that makes up some 20% of his calls.

One from the NC division (two beginning high school aged fencers) by the inimitable Linda Marsh: 'Flail, counterflail. Both fail.'

My personal favorite (it was me after all): two fencers, one advances with a half extension, the other beats the blade and walks forward impaling himself and doing nothing else. 'Presentation fails; remise of presentation arrives for the right. Touch right.' I don't know that they realized I was making fun of them.

[KShan5[PrFC]]

This weekend at NIWFAs, John Moss is reffing a bout in sabre and makes an attack in preperation call. The girl who was marching asks "Why was that prep, my hand was here (pulled back to her chest) the whole time" John Moss: "Exactly, en guarde"

[fencingguy]

At the world cup in vancouver, fencing to make the 16 with Michel Deserault reffing. (I'll translate from the french because I don't think I could record it accurately)

MD: Halt!, no touch, yellow card for turning. (presenting yellow card to me for the second time that day)
Me: I turned completely?
MD: He could have had sex with you. On Guard.

[D+F+P=Hadouken!]

Originally Posted by fencingguy

At the world cup in vancouver, fencing to make the 16 with Michel Deserault reffing. (I'll translate from the french because I don't think I could record it accurately)

MD: Halt!, no touch, yellow card for turning. (presenting yellow card to me for the second time that day)
Me: I turned completely?
MD: He could have had sex with you. On Guard.

Holy crap, I'm gonna have to remember that.

[Mauler]

.... And THAT's why we love Michel.

[epeemike81]

I've mentioned it before, but I like this exchange during a team bout at Nationals last year. the fencer for team A was quite a bit stronger than the fencer for team B. Golubitsky was reffing the bout, but not this particular encounter:

Team B Captain to Team B fencer: "Alright, that's it. your touch. she can't score anymore."
Golubitsky: "Yes, she can."
[One light touch for Team A fencer]
Golubitsky: "See, I told you."

-m