100% True Facts About Dan Kellner

[D+F+P=Hadouken!]

Courtesy of me and Rebel.....
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There is no right of way, only touches Dan Kellner allows you to have.

Dan Kellner does not make mistakes, he has mercy on you.

Dan kellner flicked through a mans spinal cord once.

Dan Kellner developed his flick by practicing with 2x4's.

After that fencing exhibition in hiroshima, Kellner is not allowed to lunge full speed anymore.

Dan Kellner does not believe in other fencers, only other victims.

Jesus did not die on the cross. He was just left there after Dan Kellner fenced him.

Dan Kellner is a Sith Lord.

Some refer to "fear of losing" as "fencing dan kellner".

It wasn't a bullet that hit Lincolns head, it was Dan Kellners tip going back in time, because it travels at light speed. Both ways.

Superman may be faster than a speeding bullet, but Dan Kellner can parry that bullet...riposte it, and then bang superman's wife.

Dan Kellner could post the results from the 2008 olympics right now, if he wanted to, not because he can predict the future, but because he IS the future.

Jesus died for our sins, but Dan Kellner helped beat the Russians.
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Feel free to contribute...

[mrbiggs]

Wow, very nicely done!

I'll add some...but I have other things to do...

[RebelFencer]

Yes! Add facts as you come up with them!

[D+F+P=Hadouken!]

Dan Kellner trained Bruce Lee.

[dknj]

Okay... the first set is all true, but I didn't train Bruce Lee... that was Jed.

[D+F+P=Hadouken!]

Dan Kellner trained Jeds sensei, through telepathy going back through time.

[RebelFencer]

Fact: Dan Kellner can banish undead 5x a day.

[ChrisBrasel]

I love these, they are pretty damn funny, even though I don't personally know him, just know of him.

[stealingophelia]

when Dan Kellner falls into water, he does not get wet, water gets Dan Kellner

There are no races, only countries of people Dan Kellner has beaten to different shades of black and blue

[RebelFencer]

When Kellner argues with a referee and gets turned down it isn't because Kellner is wrong, it's because human error is necessary to score on him.

Kellner can set off his on target light just by planning an attack.

[RebelFencer]

When Dan's opponents touch valid target area, the box asks Kellner's permission to set a light off in a language known only to the boxes, Kellner, and David Bowie (Ziggy Stardust era).

[Craig]

See how many you can come up with without ripping off the "100 facts about chuck norris / vin diesel / mr t" sites.

[Spike327]

A director once tried to make Dan Kellner change his lame because it sat over his hipbones. Dan used his thumbs to crack off the crests of his hips, then shoved them up under the lame. You don't tell Dan what he can and can't wear.

[RebelFencer]

Speaking to Dan Kellner without first being spoken to is a black cardable offense.

[Redblade]

Parries don't work within a 50-mile radius of Dan Kellner.

When you rearrange the letters in Dan Kellner's name they spell out any damn thing Dan Kellner wants them to spell.

Dan Kellner wasn't born like most babies -- he fleched.

[Redblade]

The scoring box lights you see when Dan Kellner fences are actually the results from last week's bouts. He's that fast.

Dan Kellner usually gives his victims a 29-point lead in a 15-touch bout, just to make things mildly more interesting.

Sex was created as a weak substitute for people waiting to fence Dan Kellner.

"Teacher says every time Dan Kellner scores a point, an angel gets its wings."

[MikeHarm]

Is dan kellner chuck norris?

[RebelFencer]

Chuck Norris wishes.

[MyrddinsPrecint]

Is dan kellner chuck norris?

chuck norris once called dan kellner and asked him out for lunch. dan kellner said no; he said he was too busy saving the world, but really he just thought that chuck norris wasn't cool enough to be allowed in his presence.

[noahz]

If you can see Dan Keller's attack coming, he can see your parry. If can't see Dan Kellner's attack coming, you may be milliseconds away from death...umm...receiving a touch.

Dan Kellner once roundhouse kicked...er...flicked his foil so fast that the point broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

When Dan Kellner sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, en guarde and ready to lunge. Dan Kellner has not had to pay taxes ever.

Dan Kellner frequently signs up for beginner fencing classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat the ___ out of little kids.

At the start of every summer, Dan Kellner begins practicing his parries outside. We in the Western Hemisphere know this as "Hurricane Season."

Jesus owns and wears a bracelet that reads, "WWDKD?"

Dan Kellner was trained by Simon Gershon. Simon Gershon was trained by time-traveling Dan Kellner, thus completing the circle.