100% True Facts About Dan Kellner

[D+F+P=Hadouken!]

Be original. Try to keep the plugging to a minimum.

[Relampago]

Dan Kellner can score a touch on anyone merely by pointing at him/her and yelling "booyah!"

[Epee Scherma]

When DK stares at his server, the USFA site crashes!

[Black Jeebus]

God told Dan Kellner he couldn't be immortal but he could live until someone came along who could beat him. Dan Kellner is 100,000,000 years old...

[Black Jeebus]

Satan tried to hire Dan Kellner to lead his armies, but Dan Kellner told Satan he would only do it if he could have the power to summon demons. Satan gave Dan Kellner the power to summon demons, and Dan Kellner used that power to overthrow Satan and rule as the undisputed master of Hell.

[Black Jeebus]

Dan Kellner can impregnate women just by being in the same water as them. This lead to an outbreak of Dan Kellner babies after he visited a Wet'n'Wild.

[Epee Scherma]

Dan Kellner is actually allowed by the epeeists to fence his foil.
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Dan Kellner eats vniti blades for breakfast and snorts tip screws like coke.

[D'Art]

Dan Kellner is, in fact, Groundskeeper Willie from The Simpsons

[RebelFencer]

Dan Kellner can cross over in sabre.

[jBirch]

Dan Kellner doesn't infight: he outfights.

[Black Jeebus]

Dan Kellner is so impressive his name is used as a swear word in 38 languages!

[jBirch]

Dan Kellner makes chicks go SOOOO crazy, they named a fashion line after him: Dan Kellner New York (DKNY) "Fencing, with the barbs".

[Black Jeebus]

A picture of Dan Kellner was accidentally dropped from a helicopter into a small village in Indo-China. This village is now known to anthropologists as the Village of Kellner, as all the inhabitants have begun creating extremely complex prayer rituals centering on the Picture of Dan Kellner. The anthropoligists believe that the motivation to meet Dan Kellner will inspire the previously iron-age village to catch up to and exceed all technology based societies on the globe.

[Redblade]

Recall petitions pass with Dan Kellner's signature alone. ... He signs with his blade, dipped in the blood of his latest victim.

Dan Kellner doesn't need screws to hold a blade tip in the barrel. They remain in place out of respect and fear.

World Cup and Olympic competitions are more properly referred to as Dan Kellner's Private Hunting Refuges.

Dan Kellner clips his toe nails by flicking himself with his weapon, because only Dan Kellner can cut Dan Kellner.

Dan Kellner had already won his first gold medal seven months before he was born.

[RebelFencer]

Kellner wires his foil with strips of Golubitsky's skin.

Dan knows how many flicks it takes to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop.

The numbers by Dan's name on the points list aren't his national points, they're casualties.

[airathanas]

The only weaknesses of Superman are kryptonite and Dan Kellner .

[KD5MDK]

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[MyrddinsPrecint]

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"Dan Kellner invented fencing when he wanted to play with his morningwood all day"

was over the line too.

cornflower's was funnier.

[RebelFencer]

Dan Kellner really represents the: United States of Asskicking.

[cornflower]

"Dan Kellner invented fencing when he wanted to play with his morningwood all day"

was over the line too.

cornflower's was funnier.

Biatch, I knew I liked you.