For your safety

[Chuck Norris]

For your safety and well being, I am offering in a rare moment of generosity and mercy and lack of roundhouse kicking a few facts about myself...


# Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

# There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

# Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

# Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

# Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

# Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

# There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

# When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

# Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

# Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

# There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.

# Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

# Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

# Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.

# Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

# Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost

# Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

...

Consider yourselves warned.

[KD5MDK]

Those are disturbingly funny.

[ThatReallyHurt]

I agree... those are great.

And I'm not saying that because I'm afraid of being pummeled, either...

[gwax]

meh, they were ripped straight from chucknorrisfacts.com

[sjpfencer220]

there still funny as *heck