Funny things coaches say

[trazom]

Having had a number of coaches whose first language was not English, I have heard some very funny mis-speaks or mis-translations by coaches. Particularly of proverbs or sayings in their native culture which just don't translate. Othertimes, not know what word they are saying, it just leads to humorous results.

My favorites:

"You fence like fish, only need be find water."

New coach, fresh off the boat, so to speak. As he speaks virtually no English, and in particular no fencing English, the head coach is telling him in their native language what to work on in the lessons and writing out what the new coach is to tell the student about what they are practicing. Paper says "WORK ON FLICKING". However, the new coach doesn't quite see the space between the L and the I, turning it into one letter. Quite an unusual thing to be told by your coach.

Anyone else have good stories about how language translations resulted in humorous statements?

[Go? Fencing?]

No, but I do have a list of funny and good things that my first coach said: http://thebinder.freewebpage.org/lis...offencing.html

Some of the better ones can be found in the designs that I've made. *points to sig*

[telkanuru]

"Do you have any particular reason for throwing yourself on my blade?"

"Sarcasm is just another one of the free services we offer."

"Idiot."

"I'm just going to pretend you're really not that stupid and just did that to make me laugh."

[Zilverzmurfen]

Student to losing cadet fencer at competition the other day:

Maître D'Armes: Where's your riposte?
Fencer: Gone.

[trazom]

Hmm.. Another one where the student's line was funny.

Coach, who had been watching foil/sabre, looks at the epee bout and sees that the student is losing badly: "Just take 6 and bind"
Student: "What do you think I've been doing?"

[MyrddinsPrecint]

Originally Posted by telkanuru

"Do you have any particular reason for throwing yourself on my blade?"

"Sarcasm is just another one of the free services we offer."

"Idiot."

"I'm just going to pretend you're really not that stupid and just did that to make me laugh."

"how was vegas?"

[Zelda]

All my coaches have ahd english as their first language - but it doesnt stop them saying things that make me giggle.

My coach the other day "Your back foot has a mind of its own."

[telkanuru]

A story about a certain coach/ref by the name of Wes, giving a sabre lesson:

Wes: What is the correct response?
Student: Riposte.
*Whack*
S: ow! um, counter-attack?
*whack*
S: pull distance, riposte?
*whack*
S: stop cut?
*whack*
S: (very desperate) beat attack?
*whack*
S: I don't know! What?
*whack*
W: Parry riposte.

[Dax]

My friends coach said this to him during a lesson. I have no idea what his first language was, but it wasn't english.

Coach: Why did you flick my stomach? You had no right of way?
Friend: It was a repost!
Coach: *wack* I WILL BROKE YOU!

[Dmitrivna]

Originally Posted by Go? Fencing?

No, but I do have a list of funny and good things that my first coach said: http://thebinder.freewebpage.org/lis...offencing.html

Some of the better ones can be found in the designs that I've made. *points to sig*

hahahaha - omg, I want your coach! Mine is cool, but not nearly as amusing.

[trazom]

Originally Posted by telkanuru

A story about a certain coach/ref by the name of Wes, giving a sabre lesson:

Wes: What is the correct response?
Student: Riposte.
*Whack*
S: ow! um, counter-attack?
*whack*
S: pull distance, riposte?
*whack*
S: stop cut?
*whack*
S: (very desperate) beat attack?
*whack*
S: I don't know! What?
*whack*
W: Parry riposte.

I remember a guy on my team in college having a lesson like that. He was only wearing a mask for protective gear and all of the whacks were across his chest. He had a nipple ring before the lesson. He didn't at the end of the lesson.

[MyrddinsPrecint]

from tonight, at smith practice:

coach: "why do you parry"
random fencer: "to get right of way?"
coach: "or so you can HIT THEM"
random fencer: "isn't that always the answer in fencing?"
coach: "yes. why do you fence?"
everyone else: "to hit them?"
me: "so i can get sex?"



it is, in fact, a lie.

i just fence so i'll have friends.


(it only kind of works.... : P )

[Go? Fencing?]

Originally Posted by Dmitrivna

hahahaha - omg, I want your coach! Mine is cool, but not nearly as amusing.

I want my coach too. He coached our team for three years, then decided that he had more important things that he needed to spend time on. That's when we got the evil person that we've had this year and last that we're getting rid of, after a lot of headaches.

[trazom]

"You need to keep your dignity riding the donkey"


What donkeys have to do with fencing, I don't know.

[Sciurus-Rex]

My generic favorite: "Faster! Try harder!"

[Rapier_wit]

I heard from one of my friends that his coach was prepping his team for a football game with the whole "let's go get 'im!" speech. "Let me hear you say kill! KILL! Let me hear you say fight! FIGHT! Alright let's go get 'im!" They ran only to find...

the door was locked.

[armataforte]

Originally Posted by Go? Fencing?

No, but I do have a list of funny and good things that my first coach said: http://thebinder.freewebpage.org/lis...offencing.html

Some of the better ones can be found in the designs that I've made. *points to sig*

I'd love to have had this coach! my worst quote from a russian coach 6 years ago who - in his attempt to correct my en garde stance - kept telling me in a very heavy russian accent: "Like armchair! Like armchair!" That confused me even more than clarify things, but it was fun. Another russian coach here in the States while giving me a lesson told me the following: "Stop trying to guess what I going to do next! I am coach, you are student! I know you psychologist, but me not a client!" - at that point I mentally smacked myself upside the head...

[Dmitrivna]

famous one in our club. Our coach was taught by two russian coaches. One would always say (in a heavy russian accent) "Push is good, kick is suck like american cheeseburger to go"

[Epee_Pox]

Originally Posted by Rapier_wit

I heard from one of my friends that his coach was prepping his team for a football game with the whole "let's go get 'im!" speech. "Let me hear you say kill! KILL! Let me hear you say fight! FIGHT! Alright let's go get 'im!" They ran only to find...

the door was locked.

One of Bill Cosby's funny routines from the 1960s.

[ReverseLunge]

I heard a coach say this to his student after he lost a big bout at a local tournament.

"Jesus Tap-Dancing Christ Todd! What the fcuk did you think you were doing out there!"