Carrying An Epee Onto a Bus = Interesting

[cornflower]

Here's an entry I wrote for my LJ. Thought I should also post here.

As a sidenote: My new mask lost it's virginity tonight. Yep. Deflowered by several epees and my sweat. Hooray.



*************************
Oh, how I love fencing, 'tis truly a noble sport. I may not be that great of a fencer, but I fence because I love fencing. There is no one else to blame but yourself, it's a sport of concentration, quick wit and strategy.

The only ****ty thing about fencing is that it is expensive; hence the reason why I currently lack a bag long enough to carry my sword, mask, jacket and fencing paraphernalia. I plan on getting a bag next week though. The only thing I'll miss by not having a fencing bag is the looks I get on the bus. I carry my things in a duffel bag with my sword in hand, sheathed by a length of PVC pipe. With this, I get some really odd looks and comments.

Take tonight for example: I was on my way home on the bus, and some greasy-looking native man in a black leather jacket smiled and pointed at my weapon. He said something, and I pointed to my ears and did my best "Sorry I'm deaf, so please **** off and don't talk to me" gesture. He smiled and said, "Ah! So you don't speak English!" Uh... sure? I wish I had more fun with this by pretending (with my deaf accent) that I was German. I can imagine it now, "Da! I no speak English. Me, what you say, Deutsch? Ah, yes! Germaaaan!" But no, I didn't think of that, at the moment, I was too busy trying to not get a whiff of the truly heinous body odor emanating from him.

So, I was glad when I arrived at the train station. I stood at the platform, waiting for the train to come along, when a fat, pimply and stubbly white guy came up to me. He bent his head down and mumbled something to me. I did the gesture. "Oh!" he said, and mouthed a little more clearly - "So fencing, huh?". I gave him an awkward smile and a thumbs up, then tried to ignore him. He asked me, "Can I see it?" What the ****? I gave him a strained smile, and he reciprocated with a sad-faced expression. What the **** is he, ten years old? I relented and handed him my weapon (which is called an epee btw!) and he pretended to wave it around for a bit before he handed it back to me.

The train came along right afterwards and we all boarded. I stood at the doors and hoped against hope that he wouldn't try to talk to me again. He said, "Well, I learned sign language in High School, but I forgot it all, I'm sorry!" I smiled politely and said, "Yes, practice makes perfect." He went on to say something more, but I motioned to him that I couldn't understand him, and he asked for a pen, and I obliged by giving him one. He wrote - "Have you ever heard of the SCA?" I giggled, and said "Yes!". I was ecstatic when the train arrived at my stop right at that moment; I said, "This is my stop!" Alas, God preferred to **** me up the *** because SCA man said, "Oh this is my stop also."

We both got off the train, and he proceeded to introduce himself with his SCA name (he's a Captain! OMG!), and we went back and forth for a bit. I mentioned how I was interested in joining the SCA for the rapier fencing, but it was in Cloverdale (too far!), and that I preferred the convenience of modern sport fencing. Blah blah. I shook his hand and said "Nice to meet you, bye!"

He was truly weird (as are all SCAdians). He had a government bus pass like mine (which has been lovingly nicknamed the 'retard' pass). So I think he might have been a bit... funny in the head (as he was not deaf, mobility-challenged or severely mentally-challenged).

So yes, a fencing bag will deprive me of the joy of meeting people like the ones I met tonight. Oh the injustice.

[D+F+P=Hadouken!]

You should have boinked him.

[JackOfHearts]

See, that's why I wrap my ninja sheathes in electrical tape and make a shoulder strap out of a shoelace. It looks intimidating, and with an italian grip foil in one, i've gotten a good amount of attention from the ladies at school. And for the most part, the crazies leave me alone when I take the bus. Just gotta work on your "I have a weapon, and I know how to use it" scowl.

[LUDICROUS]

People at school occasionally think my Leon Paul 2 foil case bag thingy looks like a rifle bag

[Gav]

I've had many and varied experiences amongst the great unwashed. It's normal for a fencing bag to be mistaken for a golf bag here - I can understand that. I suppose my worst experience was when I worked for a previous employer. We had a sales floor full of call centre types attached. I used to bring my bag to work because it would take too long to get home and then go out to train. I'd put the bag under my desk and forgotten about it. End of the day time and I pull my back out. My colleagues start the usual "fencing is gay" banter and we have a bit of a joke. A couple of them haven't seen an Epee before so I pull it out of the bag to show them. While we haveing a discussion about why the grip looks like a gun handle - one of the sales wierdos sidles up. He's the office social retard - he used to carry around a metal 'spy' briefcase with one apple, a thermos of coffee (I understand that because the coffee there was so terrible) and the latest Terry Pratchett book. He even drove one of those hairdresser jeeps and lived with his mum - and he's older than me. So there I am indulging the geeks; explaining how the scoring circuit works, why some people look like they are going to a flash gordon convention and this guy comes up and asks if he can have a look at the Epee. I say, "Yes" on the condition that he doesn't wave it around. He takes it off me and examines it intently (I should mention that he is holding it by the vestigial pommel rather than attempting the complicated looking handle). During a lull in the conversation he hands it back and asks, "do you fence?"
I say, "yes" and wait for the next question.
"Are you any good?"
"In the grand scheme of things; no. I'm pretty good for a local."
"Hmmm, I like swords as well." My heart sinks. At this point as it's the normal prelude to 'I've watched Robin Hood and so I know a lot about swords'.
"Do you fence?" I ask (dreading that the answer is yes).
"No." He's starting to hop from one foot to the other excitedly - I can't wait for the punchline, "I'm a live action roleplayer!" he annouces. "I have a magical sword and we go out into the woods at the weekends and act out our adventures. There's fencing involved! I'm pretty good as well; maybe we should cross swords some time?" The geeks wander off stifling their laughter (the guy's our customer after all).
I stand stunned. "I don't think I have time at the moment - I'm training hard and I've got to go." I say edging for the door. From that doay on, whenever I see this guy he attempts to engage me in conversatin about his weekend exploits. On top of that the guys in the office regularly take the mick out of me and my sport by comparing it to LARP. There's some photoshop pics floating about somewhere.
Don't get me wrong; I have nothing against the wierd types who indulge in a bit of LARP. I've even met some pretty girls who are into it (although they are usually into vampires as well). I've even done some pretty geeky things in my time. The thing that gets me is why those who do these sorts of things think that: I think they are on a par with me, that I will be interested because he owns a plastic toysword and that they 'fence'. Why are the majority of the guys who are into this dort of thing the sort of social dolts who you can imagine having difficulty washing their own hands? Why does fencing attract people like this to its periphery?

[JackOfHearts]

Robin hood, eh? I guess he's not talking about Errol Flynn. But lets face facts, this is the kind of face people put to fencing. Robin Hood, The Three Musketeers, even Zorro. They see swords, and they think hollywood, not the sport of fencing that we participate in, yet it's all they have to identify it with. Perhaps a few have seen some of the minimal coverage of olympic fencing, but I doubt many have even seen that much.

[Zilverzmurfen]

Why does fencing attract people like this to its periphery?

Great story, Gav.
And yes, what is it with fencing that attracts these odd people?

I mean, from my experience most fencers are a bit individualistic. But then I've seen some people who are really out there...

I remember someone over at the UK forum who said they had had some person turning up at their club wanting to take up the sport. He (I could rant a bit and say of course it was a he... ) had brought along a 'mask' he'd manufactured himself out of chicken net, claiming it would be 'perfectly safe for fencing'...

Hellooooo? What's the matter with some people!

[PeterGustafsson]

Hi!

Take tonight for example: I was on my way home on the bus, and some greasy-looking native man in a black leather jacket smiled and pointed at my weapon. He said something, and I pointed to my ears and did my best "Sorry I'm deaf, so please **** off and don't talk to me" gesture. He smiled and said, "Ah! So you don't speak English!" Uh... sure? I wish I had more fun with this by pretending (with my deaf accent) that I was German. I can imagine it now, "Da! I no speak English. Me, what you say, Deutsch? Ah, yes! Germaaaan!" But no, I didn't think of that, at the moment, I was too busy trying to not get a whiff of the truly heinous body odor emanating from him.

In my previous workplace there was a worker who is totally deaf. He is not good at lip-reading, and carries around a note pad and paper for communication. Maybe you should try that? You could have one side with a headline "I am deaf, and not good at lip-reading." Just show the offending party that headline, and then immediately take away the note pad. Voilá! No communication.

There is a almost totally deaf foil girl in Swedish fencing, her speech is so good that one would would not guess that she nearly if if it not were for the two rather large hearing aids.

He was truly weird (as are all SCAdians). He had a government bus pass like mine (which has been lovingly nicknamed the 'retard' pass). So I think he might have been a bit... funny in the head (as he was not deaf, mobility-challenged or severely mentally-challenged).

Does one get a free bus pass if one is deaf? Hmm. The worker that I referred to is perfectly capable of driving a car.

BTW: I have not had that kind of difficult encounters when I carry my fencing bag and sheathed weapon around.



Have a nice time!

Peter Gustafsson

[fencergal33]

He wrote - "Have you ever heard of the SCA?" I giggled, and said "Yes!". I was ecstatic when the train arrived at my stop right at that moment; I said, "This is my stop!" Alas, God preferred to **** me up the *** because SCA man said, "Oh this is my stop also."

We both got off the train, and he proceeded to introduce himself with his SCA name (he's a Captain! OMG!),
He was truly weird (as are all SCAdians).

My husband and I used to own a lovely little coffee shop with a medieval theme. (It was named "Merlin's Magic Brew!") It was one of those places that attracted the most ecclectic of people, and we had events dedicated to each of them, including pagan night, gaming night, and of course, SCA night. Now the SCA people were famous for coming into the place and bragging about what accomplished "fencers" they were. My husband and I would just sit quietly and listen to all their crap, smiling and nodding, until someone who knew us well would pipe up and say say something about us being accomplished fencers as well (mostly my husband, since I'm destined to be a scrub forever).

Ahhhhhhh the can of worms that opened at this point. The token SCAdian would try to "outknowledge" my husband on fencing, and would always be stupid enough to suggest that they have a go at it on the front lawn. My husband would always oblige, and then the SCAdian would ask, "Your rules or mine?" My husband always said, let's do a bout of each. This is the point where the crowd would gather on the lawn. It was almost like watching a team match, in that the SCAdians would band together (in merriment?) and begin to cheer on their representative. Those on my husbands side (most of which had seen this several times before with other opponents) would be watching silently with big sh** eating grins on our faces.

The first bout would always be with our fencing rules, and my husband (almost blindfolded) would proceed to whoop the token SCAdian until he begged for mercy. Then the token SCAdian would say, "Fine. Now we'll see what you can do with my rules!" My husband then would proceed to whoop the token SCAdian at his own game, because things like "parries" are almost never seen in their sport. The SCAdian would come running forward swinging straight for my husband's head, and he would just stand there and parry 5 riposte to the head for a "killing" blow. The SCAdian would always try a few more times and just get more and more disgruntled. Ahhhhhhh.....the memories.....

[Fencing Jesus]

Gavin,

I'm sorry your cowrokers thing you are not manly because you where knickers.

[Zilverzmurfen]

Gavin,

I'm sorry your cowrokers thing you are not manly because you where knickers.

...says the man wearing a frock...

[cornflower]

In my previous workplace there was a worker who is totally deaf. He is not good at lip-reading, and carries around a note pad and paper for communication. Maybe you should try that? You could have one side with a headline "I am deaf, and not good at lip-reading." Just show the offending party that headline, and then immediately take away the note pad. Voilá! No communication.

Heheh. I do that, but generally the gesture usually works when I want to ward off weirdos.

[RebelFencer]

My husband and I used to own a lovely little coffee shop with a medieval theme. (It was named "Merlin's Magic Brew!") It was one of those places that attracted the most ecclectic of people, and we had events dedicated to each of them, including pagan night, gaming night, and of course, SCA night. Now the SCA people were famous for coming into the place and bragging about what accomplished "fencers" they were. My husband and I would just sit quietly and listen to all their crap, smiling and nodding, until someone who knew us well would pipe up and say say something about us being accomplished fencers as well (mostly my husband, since I'm destined to be a scrub forever).

Ahhhhhhh the can of worms that opened at this point. The token SCAdian would try to "outknowledge" my husband on fencing, and would always be stupid enough to suggest that they have a go at it on the front lawn. My husband would always oblige, and then the SCAdian would ask, "Your rules or mine?" My husband always said, let's do a bout of each. This is the point where the crowd would gather on the lawn. It was almost like watching a team match, in that the SCAdians would band together (in merriment?) and begin to cheer on their representative. Those on my husbands side (most of which had seen this several times before with other opponents) would be watching silently with big sh** eating grins on our faces.

The first bout would always be with our fencing rules, and my husband (almost blindfolded) would proceed to whoop the token SCAdian until he begged for mercy. Then the token SCAdian would say, "Fine. Now we'll see what you can do with my rules!" My husband then would proceed to whoop the token SCAdian at his own game, because things like "parries" are almost never seen in their sport. The SCAdian would come running forward swinging straight for my husband's head, and he would just stand there and parry 5 riposte to the head for a "killing" blow. The SCAdian would always try a few more times and just get more and more disgruntled. Ahhhhhhh.....the memories.....

Most awesome. Story. Ever.

Edit:: Damn, it wouldn't let me rep you.

[fencergal33]

Well thanks Rebelfencer!!!!! Why can't you rep me?

[Araznal]

Robin hood, eh? I guess he's not talking about Errol Flynn. But lets face facts, this is the kind of face people put to fencing. Robin Hood, The Three Musketeers, even Zorro. They see swords, and they think hollywood, not the sport of fencing that we participate in, yet it's all they have to identify it with. Perhaps a few have seen some of the minimal coverage of olympic fencing, but I doubt many have even seen that much.

Ah, and don't forget Die Another Day, the second worst (or maybe third, depending on your views on Tomorrow Never Dies) Bond film of all time. I've seen people come in expecting that everyone has the same crappy equipment as seen in that movie.

Oh, yeah, the worst Bond film of all time is, by far, Never Say Never Again.

[glowstix]

Well thanks Rebelfencer!!!!! Why can't you rep me?

i repped you!! and you say i'm not nice to you..

[fencergal33]

You're only "not nice to me" when we fence silly! Other than that, you're a great guy!

[Fencergrl]

LOL… Little sister… your story reminds me of my real little sister…

She’s a lot of fun and loves to act. She will often just break into a character, any time anywhere.

As a young teen she was standing at a bus stop with her friend. Some guys went by behaving much like most teenage guys do around girls. When they were taking their second pass with their car by them, my sister decided to pretend she was a deaf and started “signing” to her friend.

She figured they’ll think she’s not ignoring them… her friend and her are just deaf and they’ll go away. Well as these two broke out into sign language, one of the guys recognized her friend and hollered out to her.

Since her friend knew these guys they accepted a ride home. There was no way to gracefully get out of this lie, so my sister continued the act for the rest of the car ride.

She found it rather interesting the things the guys said about her when they thought she couldn’t hear them. One guy was interested in her, but of course she had to turned him down… no great loss as my sister seldom had any difficulty getting guys and how do you explain to someone that you were only pretending to be deaf and heard everything he was saying?

[Purple Fencer]

Ah, and don't forget Die Another Day, the second worst (or maybe third, depending on your views on Tomorrow Never Dies) Bond film of all time. I've seen people come in expecting that everyone has the same crappy equipment as seen in that movie.

Oh, yeah, the worst Bond film of all time is, by far, Never Say Never Again.

Y'know what pissed me off about that flick? They had Bond wearing a pair of American football pants instead of fencing knickers.....what....they didn't call Leon Paul?? I'm sure Barry would've LOVED to have gotton a pair of REAL knickers with his name on it on screen.


My own story??

For a few year SwordPlay woul dhave an in-house tournament on Wednesday nights...foil....typically 15 or so people...pool/DE format...we typycally got out at 1pm.

So....one night I'm locking up....head home...get pulled over by the Burbank PD (tail light over my license plate was out). Asked to see license and registration.

Reg...no prob...in the glove box. License? Prob....it's in my wallet...in my trousers...whch are in the trunck with the rest of teh first generation Frankenbag. (I was driving home in my knickers)

Cop gives me a wierd look as I pop the trunk and move slowly to open it...telling him what I'm gonna do before I do it....because I can't see his partner and know that he's standing behind me, hand by his weapon, and to the side to give himself a clear field of fire if I pull a gun from the trunk. (entirely prudent for a cop on a traffic stop)

They relax a biut when I pull the wallet, then I have to explain exactly WHY I'm wearing what I'm wearing....I end up pullin gmy gear and demonstrating at 1am on the sidewalk!!

[DE_Strip_Tease]

Well thanks Rebelfencer!!!!! Why can't you rep me?

he's a mean one.