Dating among club members

[Li'l Bebe]

Recently in my club, people have really been pairing off and have started dating fairly seriously. (Me not included). I was just wondering if it's similar in other clubs

[cfaustus]

Originally Posted by Li'l Bebe

Recently in my club, people have really been pairing off and have started dating fairly seriously. (Me not included). I was just wondering if it's similar in other clubs

Several years ago a guy came to our group and started dating through the women like it was his own personal harem. I put my foot down and called him to task. The salle is not a singles club. I think the other members realized that this was also bad for the club. Since then at both branches members have independently vowed not to look at each other as potential 'matches'. We are there to learn from each other... not to hook up. That being said, some attractions are inevitable, however, with this more mature approach the few romances that have sparked have been more meaningful and have endured, whereas the flings that happened before were short lived and left a lot of people hurt.

[telkanuru]

I believe the previlant phrase is "Team booty is bad booty"...

[LUDICROUS]

It happens.

Don't know what the atmosphere will be like after it breaks up (as close as you can get to anxious)


Anyone got any tales about when the fencers break up?

[Fencing Mom]

Originally Posted by cfaustus

Several years ago a guy came to our group and started dating through the women like it was his own personal harem. I put my foot down and called him to task. The salle is not a singles club. I think the other members realized that this was also bad for the club. Since then at both branches members have independently vowed not to look at each other as potential 'matches'.

Am I missing something here? They PAY to be a part of your club - to be told how to run their personal lives? I can think of a million sarcastic things to say, but I won't. I trust others will step in here. Why would anyone put up with a coach dictating that aspect of his or her life? And just out of curiosity, those "independent vows" that they took - did they sign pledge cards?

[Zilverzmurfen]

There currently are and has been in the past, people 'coupling' at my club. (Me excluded.)

It happens. When people get together there is always the possbility of attraction. That's just the way we humans are.

[Peach]

There have been long-term relationships at clubs I know of. There has been dating. There have been a number of marriages. There have been prolonged, unpleasant breakups. And that's just the coaches An interesting variation: Adult students have taken the series of adult classes, married the coach, and both of them have left fencing.

It's called life, I think.

[sabreur]

At my college club, there was a good amount of dating that occurred--since then, I've never fenced at a place that had eligible females. However, in the years that I played squash, there was a lot of dating within squash cadres.

I think it is a fairly natural thing for people to at least investigate the possibility of a relationship with someone who shares an important interest. I'm quite serious about fencing, and certainly, someone who understands fencing would have some insight into my character that might not be as readily available to a non-fencer (whether that is good or bad could be open to discussion).

Here's a question: does most dating occur within weapons or across weapons?

MR

[WhipLash]

well anytime a grp of ppl from both sexes get together every few days or so, there'll definately be some pairing up. schools, clubs, etc. but i kinda noticed that my club has more couples for it's size then any other activity in my school. maybe the action of stabbing at each other with steel rods make good bonding "starters"?

[cfaustus]

Originally Posted by Fencing Mom

Am I missing something here? They PAY to be a part of your club - to be told how to run their personal lives? I can think of a million sarcastic things to say, but I won't. I trust others will step in here. Why would anyone put up with a coach dictating that aspect of his or her life? And just out of curiosity, those "independent vows" that they took - did they sign pledge cards?

LOL! I totally agree with you if what we had was the typical modern sports club. You have to look at the name of our organization: the Classical Fencing Society. You will notice that it is not called a 'Club' or 'Organization' etc... rather it is a Society. We are much more than just a athletic recreational facility. I am completely aware that the distinction may be lost on some but I shall try to explain.

First of all, both our branches are chartered at Jesuit Universities, so that forms part of our character. One of the Jesuit mantras is Cura Personalis, or Care for the Whole Person. The branch I am at even has its own chaplain. We actually schedule and engage in cultural activities such as going to the theatre, concerts, art shows, etc because we believe that portion of ones being needs to be nurtured as a fencer as well. In fact we just held our first salon and it was a smashing succes. So caring for members lives beyond the fencing strip is a natural extension of who we are. One example came last year when one of our members was struggling in school. The entire salle banded together to support this person's need to study. The salle helped him figure out how to better manage this person's study schedule and even stepped in to help tutor this individual and get this person counseling when it was appropriate. This person's parents were very thankful for the efforts of the salle as was the individual. The parents felt helpless being so far away and were happy that their young adult had a group of friends who cared so much about them to go to such lengths to help. There is a reason the instructors do not call themselves 'coaches'. To be a coach is to be limited to training people to be champions in a narrow aspect of their lives. We believe that fencing has much more to teach us than simply how to gain medals. This leads to my second point.

We train and practice fencing as a martial art. With that comes the idea that fencing is a way of life and what one learns in the salle is to be taken into our everyday lives. I have been part of Dojo's and other groups that have similar policies.

Finally, when I said independent vows, what I was getting at is this was something the members agreed to do independently of anything the instructors said. In fact, we did not hear about it until much later! They just saw how a particular situation had been bad for the salle and they decided that that was not what they wanted in their Society. Again, I can understand some people not understanding this. That is why it is wonderful we have so many choices open to us. If someone does not like what we have to offer, I am always happy to direct them where I think they will be happier. Its a personal choice. Personally, I hope that whatever my children might get involved in in the future, they will find themselves with such solid friends and caring mentors. I can't imagine wanting anything different for myself. We never hide what we are. We are something different.

In all, I am very proud of my friends in the CFS. They truly are an extended family.

[fencergal33]

The rule at my club os pretty much: date who you want to date, but don't bring the drama into practise. A few of the kids have dated each other, but for the most part, they come there to fence, and keep everything to minor, fleeting crushes.

I, on the other hand, married the coach.

[Fencing Mom]

cfaustus,
Yes, now I understand why you are able to dictate how your students live their private lives. And let's just chock this up to the fact that I did't get a good night's sleep last night, but I feel compelled to add - public schools and universities and secular private schools also have solid friends and caring mentors among the club members and coaches. Hmmm - let me put this in classical terms: these schools just don't let en parentis loci be their modus operandi .

[PeterGustafsson]

Hi!

Originally Posted by cfaustus

LOL! I totally agree with you if what we had was the typical modern sports club. You have to look at the name of our organization: the Classical Fencing Society. You will notice that it is not called a 'Club' or 'Organization' etc... rather it is a Society. We are much more than just a athletic recreational facility. I am completely aware that the distinction may be lost on some but I shall try to explain.

Long description of CFS snipped

Cfaustus - it would have been helpful if you would have indicated the different nature of your organization in your first post. Would have saved you an acid remark.


OT: I have generally not fenced at clubs with available females, so the question has not arisen. When single gals have been present, they have not paired up within the club, AFAIK.


Have a nice time!

Peter Gustafsson

[D+F+P=Hadouken!]

DONT DO IT!!! Its such a bad idea to date club members. Hooking up with them though, is not so bad.

[sabreur]

Originally Posted by Fencing Mom

Hmmm - let me put this in classical terms: these schools just don't let en parentis loci be their modus operandi .

You've been hanging around Quart too much.

[Zilverzmurfen]

Originally Posted by Fencing Mom

Hmmm - let me put this in classical terms: these schools just don't let en parentis loci be their modus operandi.

Originally Posted by sabreur

You've been hanging around Quart too much.

Perhaps they started dating as teens at their club..?

[ThatReallyHurt]

Doesn't happen at my club, as far as I know. It's not a really big club.

[Larrison]

Dating between Club members -- it happens. In the two clubs I've been active with, it's not uncommon. I've done it..

However.... when the fencing in underway, its fencing time not meet & mingle time. But outside of class, it's their personal life. It only becomes important to the club if it effects club activities (eg, no snogging in the back during class, no screaming fits between ex-gf/ex-bf during the club activities, etc.) If you come to a fencing club, you're expected to fence.

With any organization that involves a lot of young people, you'll see some social interactions. You're not going to stop folks from checking each other out, but while at the club the emphasis should be on fencing not doing a singles pickup. And while asking someone out on a strip to bout can be sort of an ice-breaker socially, there's a bit of a distance between asking them to cross swords and to go out for dinner & a movie. Club time is for fencing -- afterwards is their own. I've seen people who have been "talked to" by the coaches and other members who come and just try to chat the other sex up...

[RebelFencer]

Originally Posted by D+F+P=Hadouken!

DONT DO IT!!! Its such a bad idea to date club members. Hooking up with them though, is not so bad.

I...erm...am inclined to disagree.

[qatet]

Originally Posted by D+F+P=Hadouken!

DONT DO IT!!! Its such a bad idea to date club members. Hooking up with them though, is not so bad.

Hunh. I'd say exactly the opposite.