Dating among club members

[wrdbrn]

Originally Posted by RebelFencer

Whichever gender you happen to be in the relationship: "Don't Lose!"

ahhhh... good egg. smart cookie this one...

[dilznik]

You guys are kidding right? Who *doesn't* sleep their way through the cadre? In six clubs that I've belonged to or at least had least had heavy contact with, people were on each other all the time. In different cities and different countries. If you don't see it happening at your club then either you only have 5 members or you're blind. I can't even remember when the last time I dated a chick that wasn't a fencer was. But it makes sense. People go to work, they go home, and they have hobbies. If you fish off the company pier, you can get fired. At home, if you're already alone, then that's no help. That only leaves your hobbies as an easy location to meet people. You walk through the door and you automatically have something in common with the people there. No need to think up a witty line or dress up or buy drinks or anything. The icebreaker is as simple as "wanna fence?" And then you throw the bout. It's almost TOO easy!

That said, I move a lot so I guess it's no big deal to work my way through a club and then skip out. Of course, the side effect is now I drive 80 miles round trip to fence...

[emxtrix]

I think there's nothing hotter than a good-looking female fencer who can kick my butt.

[MyrddinsPrecint]

Originally Posted by dilznik

The icebreaker is as simple as "wanna fence?" And then you throw the bout. It's almost TOO easy!

i'd rather a potential significant other beat me fair and square, and then give me good advice.

advice, i can use. and it shows (s)he cares about me getting better. if the bout is thrown, there's a good chance i'll KNOW the bout was thrown. and i kind of feel insulted by thrown bouts......

[RITFencing]

Originally Posted by MyrddinsPrecint

i'd rather a potential significant other beat me fair and square, and then give me good advice.

advice, i can use. and it shows (s)he cares about me getting better. if the bout is thrown, there's a good chance i'll KNOW the bout was thrown. and i kind of feel insulted by thrown bouts......

Totally. I'm more flattered by someone giving it absolutely everything they have than by someone giving away touches. It seems kind of insulting.

[Mr Epee]

Originally Posted by emxtrix

I think there's nothing hotter than a good-looking female fencer who can kick my butt.

Are you one of those guys who likes to wear leather collars and get spanked?

Be nice, be gracious, be gentle, be fair, be kind, be helpful in a non intrusive way.... but NEVER be a wuss...

[D+F+P=Hadouken!]

Originally Posted by Mr Epee

Be nice, be gracious, be gentle, be fair, be kind, be helpful in a non intrusive way.... but NEVER be a wuss...

Yeah, if you're a wuss, you'll kill any attraction. And remember that attraction isnt a choice.

[emxtrix]

Originally Posted by Mr Epee

Are you one of those guys who likes to wear leather collars and get spanked?

Negative, I was kidding around. Really though, I'm just saying men are often attracted to women with power - and if a woman can beat you at whatever sport you are into when you're both giving it your all... I'd call that power.

[Fencergrl]

Originally Posted by emxtrix

Negative, I was kidding around. Really though, I'm just saying men are often attracted to women with power - and if a woman can beat you at whatever sport you are into when you're both giving it your all... I'd call that power.

Ah don't mind Mr. E... he likes to tease whenever he gets an opportunity. Wecome to the forum.

[glowstix]

Originally Posted by Mr Epee

Are you one of those guys who likes to wear leather collars and get spanked?

Be nice, be gracious, be gentle, be fair, be kind, be helpful in a non intrusive way.... but NEVER be a wuss...

good stuff..i couldn't rep you here for whatever reason.

[Mr Epee]

Originally Posted by glowstix

good stuff..i couldn't rep you here for whatever reason.

This is not the first time I've heard this... what is the specific error message?

[Larrison]

Originally Posted by MyrddinsPrecint

i'd rather a potential significant other beat me fair and square, and then give me good advice.....

I'll vote for this too.... Intelligence and wit are a big plus in my book. Having a SO who fences and can teach me something new is another facet in what might be an interesting relationship... And yes, intelligence and wit are as important as anything else. In the end, you've got to talk and enjoy being in each other's company more than anything else.. there's more to a conversation than synchronized moans.

[bmcfencer]

Originally Posted by JackOfHearts

Personally, I've never dated anyone in the fencing class, or friday night fencing club (I fence at the local community college), but I have nursed a few crushes, and flirted a few times with some of the ladies there. I even asked one out, but as you can tell from my previous statement, nothing came of that. Though lately I have found myself wanting to get to know a particular young lady that I see at friday night club meetings. She's in the beginning class, and I've been helping her with her foil work. Still debating wether or not I should make a move, but I'm leaning towards not. A girl that beautiful probably has a boyfriend. And I've never really succeded in asking anyone out. I don't see that changing in the near future.

WHAT? Oh my goodness. How can you know that? Just because you think she's beautiful doesn't mean the rest of the world does (it is eternally amusing to me that one of my guy friends thinks that because he finds me attractive surely people must be throwing themselves at my feet all the time). At least get to know her- have some confidence in yourself! Just because you haven't had any luck doesn't mean you won't... gods, I've never been anyone's girlfriend and if I let that keep me from being interested in people.... well, life would be terribly lonely, wouldn't it? And it's always nice to know that someone likes you.

Some of my closest friends are fencing guys that, ah, things didn't work out with. And that's all of my personal life that's going up here.

Personally I'm not dating fencers just now... but I'm not sure how long that will last. Fencing men are so...... interesting.

Good luck!

[JackOfHearts]

Thanks for the pep talk, bmcfencer. I knew it would be worthwhile to join this forum.

I didn't get a chance to speak with her at the last club meeting, but perhaps I'll get my chance at the next one. I still think she has a boyfriend though. She's intelligent, decent sense of humor, a gorgeous smile, beautiful brown eyes, and despite only being in the sport for a couple of weeks she shows a lot of promise. It would be inconcieveable for a girl like that to be single. Though wether she is or isn't, I'm still going to try and get to know her better. At worst, I may get a new friend. And that isn't bad at all, is it? Though bmc, I know for a fact that beauty can be intimidating (case in point, look above). If you ever change your mind about dating fencers, take a look around. If your friend is any indication, a good fraction of the guys around you are perhaps worshiping you from afar. And thanks for the luck. I'm probably going to need it.

[RITFencing]

Originally Posted by JackOfHearts

She's intelligent, decent sense of humor, a gorgeous smile, beautiful brown eyes, and despite only being in the sport for a couple of weeks she shows a lot of promise.

If she does go out with you, tell her that.

[dilznik]

Originally Posted by MyrddinsPrecint

i'd rather a potential significant other beat me fair and square, and then give me good advice.

advice, i can use. and it shows (s)he cares about me getting better. if the bout is thrown, there's a good chance i'll KNOW the bout was thrown. and i kind of feel insulted by thrown bouts......

Originally Posted by RITFencing

Totally. I'm more flattered by someone giving it absolutely everything they have than by someone giving away touches. It seems kind of insulting.

Er, yeah, but I'd just kind of throw it to put her in a good mood and more receptive to my tacky come on lines. You don't have to just stand there like a moron and get hit. Play around and make it look good so that you're still having fun, make it close, and then whoops, you've lost. If I come out of the gates and whoop her 15-1, then she's not too bloody likely to want to hang out with me after a full speed, completely embarassing drubbing like that. I mean, geez, most of these people aren't highly skilled fencers who have fenced 5, 10, 15 years and hang out on fencing.net, you know. As much as I'd like to, I'm not fencing/hitting on Sylwia Gruchala. Who, by the way, I watched fence in Leipzig and she is HOT HOT HOT. But back on track, there's a rhyme and reason to everything. If a girl is going to be impressed because you've come out and fenced her 100% and she's skilled enough to fence you that way, then great. Good find. Otherwise, if you thrash some chick who isn't at your level then you and your bad type-A competitive personality self are going to be going home alone.

[jeff]

If you're interested in somebody, then let them know, just like in Real Life (tm) outside the club. "Faint heart never won fair maiden", or whatever it is you're looking for.

On a personal note, I had a multi-year relationship that started in a fencing club.
Me: "Want to fence?"
Her (seeing my foils): "I fence sabre!" (this was way before female sabre was sanctioned)
Me: "That's okay, I do that too".

I soon saw she was a beginner, and fell into teaching mode: "I'm going to keep doing this action until you figure out what to do about it". I don't know if that's the right foot for starting off a relationship, so I'm not suggesting you go that way.

What might have been more effective was what happened later. She pointed out somebody who she said deliberately hit too hard. I went and fenced this guy (who I thought of as an "old guy" since he looked to be maybe 30 or so...hah!), and sure enough he started belting me around (and gave me tips on how to fence sabre, since I was a mere foilist). I told him "don't do that again" twice by way of fair warning, and since he continued to hit hard, I started beating the crap out of him. I was good enough (or he was weak enough) that I could hit him at will, so I schooled him and told him to behave himself in future. That might have earned me some points.

[broncofencer]

Originally Posted by jeff

"I'm going to keep doing this action until you figure out what to do about it". I don't know if that's the right foot for starting off a relationship, so I'm not suggesting you go that way.

I thought thats what dating was all about. Maybe thats my mistake!

[dilznik]

Originally Posted by jeff

"I'm going to keep doing this action until you figure out what to do about it". I don't know if that's the right foot for starting off a relationship, so I'm not suggesting you go that way.

Originally Posted by broncofencer

I thought thats what dating was all about. Maybe thats my mistake!

Er, I thought that's what fencing was all about...

Okay so I tried the tactics of a few of the other people. The "don't throw the matches" theories. I figured what the heck, second day at a new club, I'll fence the cutest girl in here. And I frikkin' flattened her in foil. So we fenced epee. And I frikkin' flattened her there, too. And you know what the outcome was? Well I'll give you a hint. It's 1.10am and I'm sitting here at my computer. That "other" technique sucks. I shoulda let her win. At least then she might've talked to me after that. Let that be a lesson to the rest of you.

[JackOfHearts]

Originally Posted by jeff

I soon saw she was a beginner, and fell into teaching mode: "I'm going to keep doing this action until you figure out what to do about it". I don't know if that's the right foot for starting off a relationship, so I'm not suggesting you go that way.

That's kind of what I'm doing. We practice parry-ripostes, counters, and just things she wants to work on, then we try them out in a bout. I can go all out, but I just try to stick with what I know she's learned in class and in the club. And sometimes she surprises me, but that's usually a good thing. Though I'm not sure if or how my fencing would score points with her overall. When she wants to practice, I tend to focus on that more then trying to make a move on her. And I'm still trying to decide how to go about the latter in between bouts..