Dating among club members

[cfaustus]

Originally Posted by Fencing Mom

cfaustus,
public schools and universities and secular private schools also have solid friends and caring mentors among the club members and coaches. Hmmm - let me put this in classical terms: these schools just don't let en parentis loci be their modus operandi .

Absolutely! It is wonderful when any organization can foster a community among its members.

Oh and for all the non-latin speaking, non-lawyers out there:

(Quotation taken from http://chris.coggburn.us/2005/03/02/a-call-to-action/)
Supreme Court in 1969 ruled in Tinker vs. Des Moines that students didn’t lose their right to free speech when they entered the school (political statement opposing the Vietnam War). Students, however, are prohibited from making statements that impinge on the school’s ability to deliver educational programming. In other words, you can wear an armband or a t-shirt, but a sit-in or soap-box speech during class might not be protected. In 1988, the Supreme Court clarified in Hazelwood vs. Kuhlmeier (sp?), using the Latin phrase, en parentis loci, that the school acts as your parent in your parents’ absence. This means the school can censor or prohibit any speech that is school-sponsored or school-funded.

The basic thing is that any school can curtail certain activities (in the cases above, free speech) to protect its ability to deliver educational programming.

[RebelFencer]

But this is null...the Hazelwood v. Kuhlmeier precedent can't be applied past the high school level, as the vast majority of people entering college are 18...thus the school's job isn't to act as their parents, it's to educate. I can't really think where the tinker standard would be applied in this scenario.

[glowstix]

Originally Posted by RebelFencer

I...erm...am inclined to disagree.

and i'm inclined to agree with the disagreement. its the hooking up that brings the drama.

when i started fencing, i remember there was this "kissy couple" there that annoyed me. they were there before me so i didn't know if they met through fencing or not. they quit not too long afterwards. since then, we've had people come and go, some i've been interested in but never did anything about it because i didn't want to mix fencing with...that.

people always say that to meet someone you have to join a club or do some activity and i think fencing falls under this category but i'm not so sure its a good idea. if the relationship ends then you have to see the person everytime you go to practice and then you get those awkward feelings just being in the same room with them after the fact.

in a perfect world, what should happen is that you meet someone through fencing THEN fall for one of their friends. that way you keep both separate.

that being said there's this sabre chick that i fancy right now though..

[Fechter1]

What about another option: introducing the person you're dating to fencing and then having them join the club?

[AndrewH]

It's called teamcest...

oh wait, my girlfriend fences sabre too. Well at least we aren't on the same team anymore...

[MyrddinsPrecint]

Originally Posted by telkanuru

I believe the previlant phrase is "Team booty is bad booty"...

{which YOU learned the hard way...}


Team booty is bad booty, org booty is bad booty, Squad booty is bad booty, house booty is bad booty, roommate booty is the worst possible booty ever.


That said, in the past 6 years, i have only dated/hooked up with/any variation there of ONE person who wasn't a fencer.

in high school, it was mostly people in my club. of the kids in my high school club who are now seniors, every permutation of heterosexual pairings have gone to a school dance together.....

now i go out of my way to avoid thinking seriously about anyone on my team in that kind of way, because my team has a history of things going BAD when things go down.

(which is just all the more reason for me to be friendly to the nice people at umass....)

[Sisyphus]

Schools, universities, and workplaces have Sexual Harrasment policies and Student Code of Conduct. Not many fencing clubs do.

Though I am not against inter-club unions (coach-fencer, fencer-fencer), I also think it should be looked at on a case by case basis. Intervention may be necessary for the safety and well being of it's members as well as perhaps the reputation of the club.

[needle]

Originally Posted by Fechter1

What about another option: introducing the person you're dating to fencing and then having them join the club?

That's how my wife got into fencing

[Fencergrl]

Originally Posted by MyrddinsPrecint

roommate booty is the worst possible booty ever.

LOL... I married my roommate... 15 years later it's still good.

But I hear what you're saying... don't let relationships mess up other aspects of your life. If everything is good... it's great. If the relationship goes bad it's hard to be around them.

All the more reason to:
a) Pick suitable mates to begin with.
b) Learn to fight fairly, so a relationship doesn't have to end just because you don't always see eye-to-eye.
c) Be respectful in a break-up.

[Ordway]

Originally Posted by Fechter1

What about another option: introducing the person you're dating to fencing and then having them join the club?

That can work My husband was an "armchair fencer" for years until I finally got him to try it, and we fenced at the same club for a couple of years. (Both sabre, so we fenced each other a lot.) It was fun and worked out fine. It was useful to keep in mind that we had different objectives - I'm serious about competition and he was more recreational. He doesn't fence right now, but only because the club I fence at is too far away to be worth it for him to go.

[Flonnova]

Generally, everyone is responsible for their activities aren't they? Dating amongst club members is not really usual in my club, but in other clubs, I have heard that it is very common. If you're gonna do it, fine. But please don't come teary eyed to training when Mr./Ms. Wonderful decides to look for new mountains to climb! It only affects your performance!

(tja... when you do, make sure the person lives at least 150 kms away and you only see him/her every now and then.... makes it more interesting! And nobody notices either!)

[cfaustus]

Originally Posted by RebelFencer

But this is null...the Hazelwood v. Kuhlmeier precedent can't be applied past the high school level, as the vast majority of people entering college are 18...thus the school's job isn't to act as their parents, it's to educate. I can't really think where the tinker standard would be applied in this scenario.

Legally you are correct. I was simply posting an applicable reference for the terms used by Fencing Mom.

[gladius]

Originally Posted by Fencing Mom

... Hmmm - let me put this in classical terms: these schools just don't let en parentis loci be their modus operandi .

Mom:

I hope you don't mind me correcting your Latin: "modum operandi dictare in loco parentis"

This way Cicero will be happy with the grammar AND agree with your opinion...

[Boo Boo]

I started fencing 13 years ago (ALMOST to the day) when I started University. I went along to watch the pre-sessional training sessions (I hadn't fenced before, so didn't take part) and saw this guy in stripey yellow/white socks who fenced foil and did these funny flicky moves to hit people on the back...He was the team captain.

A year later I started going out with him, four years later we were married, eight years on we are still happily married... AND both still fencing.

Boo

[Li'l Bebe]

Originally Posted by cfaustus

In all, I am very proud of my friends in the CFS. They truly are an extended family.

Awwwwh warm fuzzies!! My club does stuff outside of fencing as well, only it's usually more along the lines of ropes courses and the like to help us 'conquer our fears' and 'take risks'..... I just think of it as having fun with my buddies without dressing up like oompa loompas

[Inquartata]

I've observed some intraclub dating over the years, and even been involved in two instances myself...although one was with a woman who HAD been a club member but no longer was. The other worked fine, until the lady moved away to go to college...and like most such long-distance relationships, it faded and died.

Both of those I resisted, because in my experience these relationships tend to end up with one or both partners quitting the club or quitting fencing altogether. The bad breakup cases are understandable---they don't want to keep seeing each other at practice, or even at tournaments. But we had 2 fencers in my club who started dating, got engaged and eventually married. Both quit fencing around the engagement stage.

I hate the idea of being the reason that someone quit fencing. ( It will never be me, of course. )

[MikeHarm]

I've had some of the most intense wicked grudge matches in competitions or practice with other guys over women I flirted with when they had a jealous streak. So, I do think its probably trouble but I'm not opposed to it particulary. Also, its a good way to screw with your opponents mind if you want to game a bit outside of the strip to give yourself an edge though you do risk being strangled by your opponent of course lol.

[MyrddinsPrecint]

of the.... six or seven fencers i've been involved with, only one of them quit once we were no longer involved.

and that was a good decision, because if he ever came to a usfa competition, he might actually get killed. or thrown out of the building.

[Sildar]

Gosh, my question would have been more along the lines of "does your club allow you to date people outside your club?" And why woud you want to? I mean what would you talk about?

As far as people quitting after breaking up, I've had the opposite problem: I've had to break up with people because they quit fencing...

[achilleus]

Originally Posted by Sildar

Gosh, my question would have been more along the lines of "does your club allow you to date people outside your club?" And why woud you want to? I mean what would you talk about?

As far as people quitting after breaking up, I've had the opposite problem: I've had to break up with people because they quit fencing...

This whole thread is disturbing to me.

From CFaustus' Society which 'regulates' interaction all the way to this post above.

Pairing up at clubs happens. Especially at the younger age groups where most of the free time is spent at the club, or at college where everyone is pairing up regardless.

As people get older it should, and in my opinion does, get easier to handle break ups, even on a casual basis. We are all, hopefully, adults, and the situation can be handled without somebody quitting something they love.

That said, I don't date fencers. I did, but I like having my fencing life separate from love life. I don't introduce my girlfriends to fencing unless they really want to, but most don't.