Dating among club members

[bmcfencer]

Originally Posted by JackOfHearts

Well, if you can't do anything about it, don't worry about it until later. Just call her at a decent hour. Although I don't know about anyone else, but it seems that every other time I give a girl my number, she ends up calling me up at 2:30 in the morning. Not that I really mind, it just seems odd. Though you may want to call her up at a time when she's able to think straight. Good luck. If she's taking the time to call, that's almost definetly a good sign. If your phone is giving you too much trouble, call from a landline.

I don't want her to think straight!!! And thank you- I suppose I'll go to bed and if she calls hopefully my roomie will wake me up. I wish I had a cell phone- my only phone is a landline provided by the college. It's finicky.

[JackOfHearts]

Originally Posted by bmcfencer

I don't want her to think straight!!! And thank you- I suppose I'll go to bed and if she calls hopefully my roomie will wake me up. I wish I had a cell phone- my only phone is a landline provided by the college. It's finicky.

Ah... college phone... I hear that. Prepaid phones are inexpensive enough, just as long as you don't use it too often. I do not suggest virgin mobile.

[KD5MDK]

Ahh, communication. Good luck with it.

[dilznik]

Originally Posted by bmcfencer

You don't believe me? <...> Yes, she's on the Bryn Mawr/Haverford Rugby Team

I didn't believe it because it was just... too easy. Too stereotypical. But... I guess that all stereotypes have some truth behind them, otherwise we wouldn't have the stereotypes in the first place.
But if she's on the rugby team from an all girls school, then she must, indeed, be female. At least it's pretty clear who will likely be the butch/dominant in this relationship. Not that there's anything wrong with being submissive, I guess. Need someone to run the camera?

Originally Posted by bmcfencer

Wow. A republican? <...> Even if you're just trying to be funny, that's bizarre.

I was just saying that because you said you were a confused homophobes. So are Republicans. And closet gays. Ergo, all Republicans are closet gays.

Originally Posted by bmcfencer

I do not know if she likes me, because when I told her I then, ah, ran away.

That's cute. I think. Sort of. Certainly cartoony, anyway. Anime, not Loony Tunes. Although Looney Tunes style could be good, too.

[bmcfencer]

Originally Posted by dilznik

I didn't believe it because it was just... too easy. Too stereotypical. But... I guess that all stereotypes have some truth behind them, otherwise we wouldn't have the stereotypes in the first place.
But if she's on the rugby team from an all girls school, then she must, indeed, be female. At least it's pretty clear who will likely be the butch/dominant in this relationship. Not that there's anything wrong with being submissive, I guess. Need someone to run the camera?

I was just saying that because you said you were a confused homophobes. So are Republicans. And closet gays. Ergo, all Republicans are closet gays.

That's cute. I think. Sort of. Certainly cartoony, anyway. Anime, not Loony Tunes. Although Looney Tunes style could be good, too.

I'm not homophobic, I"m AFRAID of homophobia. Large difference there. I was actually pretty lucky to be be brought up in a non-homophobic family and church (I came out of the closet to my parents and they were like "Great! Do you have a girlfriend?" I came out of the closet to the Board of my church (no, that's not random, I was on the Board of trustees for 3 years) and they were like "congratulations! Good for you!"). I was a straight ally before I came out of the closet.

And yes, I am aware of the fact that I am currently a walking stereotype. At least for a Mawrtyr.

Why do you assume there must be one person dominant in a relationship? That's silly. Actually, who were you assuming would be dominant? The girl I like, just because she plays rugby? Or me?

[oso97]

Okay, so one of my students the other day at fencing practice mentioned this comment, "The difference between a lesbian and a dyke - about $10,000."

At first, I didn't get it, and thought that it was in extremely poor taste. But then, I remembered back to my college days, and, yes, now I get it.

Its not quite in poor taste, but its not the best either.

Oh dear, I hope I've not moved into RL territory!

[dilznik]

Originally Posted by bmcfencer

I'm not homophobic, I"m AFRAID of homophobia.

Hmmm... guess I totally read that wrong. You said "I'm picky, and I'm abstinate, and I'm terrified of homophobia so..."
I read it differently (I was thrown off since they're's no such word as "abstinate") and got: "I'm prickly, and I'm celibate, and I'm a terrible homophobic..." You know, a Republican.

Originally Posted by bmcfencer

Why do you assume there must be one person dominant in a relationship? That's silly.

No, it's because of the pure lesbian couples I know that are real lesbians, one always is the butch and one is the b!tch. Almost always, anyway. I don't make the rules, I just report what I see. Anytime there's a couple of little waify girls involved, they'll both claim they're bi when in reality they're just confused and/or looking for attention. They usually go back to guys at some point. Real lesbians don't. They're sure of what they're doing and what they want and don't waffle about whose team they're playing for. They then take the dominant role generally by default. Not always, of course, just, you know, a whole lot. Unfortunately, it's nothing like anything starring Devon. Or Jill Kelly. Or Jenna. Or Devon and Jill Kelly and Jenna. DVD night at my apartment!

Originally Posted by bmcfencer

Actually, who were you assuming would be dominant? The girl I like, just because she plays rugby? Or me?

Her. Because you're inexperienced and claim to be bi. If you're saying you're bi, and she really likes you a lot, she's going to do what it takes to not make you want to go back to the straight team. She'll be jealous enough of you ogling every hot chick that walks by, why would she want to worry about you going after the guys, too?

Originally Posted by oso97

Okay, so one of my students the other day at fencing practice mentioned this comment, "The difference between a lesbian and a dyke - about $10,000."

I don't get it.

Originally Posted by oso97

Oh dear, I hope I've not moved into RL territory!

I don't get that either.

[jeff]

Gav, Craig: can this steamy conversation be moved to the Water Cooler? Or should we leave it in the Fencing section to con newbies into believing there's ton of action to be had if they sign up for a fencing class?

[sabreur]

Originally Posted by jeff

Or should we leave it in the Fencing section to con newbies into believing there's ton of action to be had if they sign up for a fencing class?

Leave it here--it's part of marketing the sport--Fencing is sexy! For everyone! Or all persuasions! Or whatever!

And MP, I thought you liked boys as well as girls!

[penguin_2000]

Originally Posted by dilznik

Her. Because you're inexperienced and claim to be bi. If you're saying you're bi, and she really likes you a lot, she's going to do what it takes to not make you want to go back to the straight team. She'll be jealous enough of you ogling every hot chick that walks by, why would she want to worry about you going after the guys, too?

You forgot about the part where the other girl plays RUGBY... if that doesn't scream butch, I'm not sure what does.

[Fencergrl]

Originally Posted by penguin_2000

You forgot about the part where the other girl plays RUGBY... if that doesn't scream butch, I'm not sure what does.

Oh Pleeeease!

[bmcfencer]

Thank you fencergrl! You're my hero.

Yeah, the girl I like plays rugby, and looks butch, but she's actually incredibly girly. I think in reality I'm more butch than she is- I just don't look it. And I don't think she's the type to "make me gay" (yes, I know that happens, but I also have friends in relationships where that ISN"T happening and where they really are just two girls who love each other- neither one being the "man" in the relationship and one being bi and the other a lesbian). Also two of my closest friends who are dating enjoy looking at girls together. "She's hot." "oh yeah, but look at her!" "wow. But you're cuter" "I'm not cute!" "Yes you are!" (and then snogging commences)

I don't get the dyke joke either. Though I think that word is always offensive except when used as a term of endearment between one queer girl to another, and most of my close friends aren't even comfortable with that.

[Fencergrl]

Originally Posted by bmcfencer

....where they really are just two girls who love each other- neither one being the "man" in the relationship and one being bi and the other a lesbian).

I found that amusing as well. I think in some cases it applies, but not always. No more than there are absolutes in hetro relationships.

With guys and gals, sometimes you have sex buddies. Someone who you're friends with, as well as have sex. It's light, it's casual, it either fills the gap between more serious relationships or becomes one.

I could see that happening with people of the same gender as well. Neither are in charge, it's just two people enjoying each other's company inside and outside the bedroom.

[dilznik]

Originally Posted by sabreur

Leave it here--it's part of marketing the sport--Fencing is sexy! For everyone! Or all persuasions! Or whatever!

No kidding. They're certainly not going to come to fencing after watching the "whaddaya mean the team events go to 45?" World Championships.

Originally Posted by penguin_2000

You forgot about the part where the other girl plays RUGBY... if that doesn't scream butch, I'm not sure what does.

Nah. Too easy. Besides, I knew straight girls who played rugby. It's just another sport. Where people hit each other. Straight chicks play ice hockey, too.

Originally Posted by bmcfencer

...I don't think she's the type to "make me gay"

I didn't say make you gay. I said keep you gay. For good. Or at least until she's had enough. You still fit in the category "bi-curious" (good for movies, bad for relationships) which, other than the fact it got you on her radar, isn't beneficial for her since you could flee back to men at any moment, so really if she DOESN'T try and turn you for good, then there's maybe something wrong.

Originally Posted by bmcfencer

"She's hot." "oh yeah, but look at her!" "wow. But you're cuter" "I'm not cute!" "Yes you are!" (and then snogging commences)

Ugh. Get a room. And if they're hot they can invite me to take, uh, tasteful pictures that will CERTAINLY never get on the internet.*

*unless they do

Originally Posted by bmcfencer

I don't get the dyke joke either. Though I think that word is always offensive except when used as a term of endearment between one queer girl to another

Or when holding water back to keep Holland rom flooding. But on the topic, Amsterdam is nice and there's a great tournament on the 12th of November that everyone should go to. On the other topic, why should the word cease to be offensive when only certain people use it? That's a double standard. Like if I use the N word or blacks address each other with it. Why should there be a difference in the level of offense, even if I'm using it in a friendly way (where someone is bound to miss that part) or if two blacks are insulting each other? It's a double standard. If you don't find it offensive for certain people to say certain words, then you shouldn't find it offensive for ANYONE to say those words.

And I'm still waiting for the explaination to the joke. Does ANYONE get it?

Originally Posted by Fencergrl

I think in some cases it applies, but not always. No more than there are absolutes in hetro relationships.

And yet in hetero relationships there are absolutes, too. Not always, but usually in monogamous long term relationships. The bitter irony is typically, the more the people care about each other, the more clear cut their roles are. If it really was such a casual relationship, then it probably wouldn't be one of those, you know, long lasting types. Sex buddies don't really care about each other much. But when one does, they try to change the other and the relationship. That person is taking the dominant role, to try and make things happen. That's what I mean by dominant and submissive.
BMC has already given up her chance in the dominant role (the butch then?) because she's clearly not 100% comfortable with the whole situation, as we've seen. The rugby chick has to do the bulk of the "winning over" work in the same way Jack has to do the work with his Friday Night Girl. Is that bad? No. It's a clearly defined role among people who clearly feel something for the other, at least one who feels for the other.
</soapbox>

[Rapier_wit]

Originally Posted by dilznik

Straight chicks play ice hockey, too.</soapbox>

Amen! Though I miss my hockey league, but that's okay because if I hadn't left it, I would've never discovered fencing!

[MyrddinsPrecint]

Originally Posted by dilznik

No, it's because of the pure lesbian couples I know that are real lesbians, one always is the butch and one is the b!tch. Almost always, anyway. I don't make the rules, I just report what I see. Anytime there's a couple of little waify girls involved, they'll both claim they're bi when in reality they're just confused and/or looking for attention. They usually go back to guys at some point. Real lesbians don't. They're sure of what they're doing and what they want and don't waffle about whose team they're playing for. They then take the dominant role generally by default. Not always, of course, just, you know, a whole lot. Unfortunately, it's nothing like anything starring Devon. Or Jill Kelly. Or Jenna. Or Devon and Jill Kelly and Jenna. DVD night at my apartment!



Her. Because you're inexperienced and claim to be bi. If you're saying you're bi, and she really likes you a lot, she's going to do what it takes to not make you want to go back to the straight team. She'll be jealous enough of you ogling every hot chick that walks by, why would she want to worry about you going after the guys, too?

there are plenty of lesbian couples that follow the whole butch/femme pattern, there are also plenty who don't. there are plenty of bi-girl couples that follow the whole butch/femme thing, and ones who don't. i tend to appear to be rather feminine most of the time (miniskirt&fishnets after nationals, anyone?)--- one of my good friends is so femme she can't pull off "butch" very well at all- even when she's trying--- we frequently get asked if we're dating, and we're not. and we wouldn't fufill a stereotype anyway.

there are gay people who don't like to date bi people. absolutely. of course, that's not as big a problem at AN ALL WOMEN'S SCHOOL. : P

Originally Posted by sabreur

And MP, I thought you liked boys as well as girls!

i do.

ask my boyfriend.

[Blitzkid196]

I think the joke means that a lesbian has $10,000 worth of make-up/whatever to make her pretty and not a dyke?

and lets keep this forum in here, the FIE will be happy that it's making fencing more appealing to the younger new people

[JackOfHearts]

Originally Posted by dilznik

BMC has already given up her chance in the dominant role (the butch then?) because she's clearly not 100% comfortable with the whole situation, as we've seen. The rugby chick has to do the bulk of the "winning over" work in the same way Jack has to do the work with his Friday Night Girl. Is that bad? No. It's a clearly defined role among people who clearly feel something for the other, at least one who feels for the other.
</soapbox>

I think its a little early to talk about roles in these situations. I can't speak for BMC, but she seems to be doing fine. She's got the girl calling her, and if it happens that she wants to go out or whatever, then they can worry about roles. I'm just a guy that's going to buy a young lady a cup of coffee. Do I have to win her over? Yea, I guess I do. But that does that neccesarily make me the dominant one? I dunno. I don't really care either. I'm just looking forward to seeing her.