Babe Battle

[D+F+P=Hadouken!]

This can only be solved by a nude free for all on my bed, with me as the referee, judge, audience and prize. ZZ and Go? Fencing? may represent their affiliated teams.

[pacer]

It's time to get back to the main event. Fencergrl why don't you free up one of your boas and restrain those who would hijack this thread. Surely they can loosen their imaginations enough for this bit of fantasy fencing.

En Garde!

[Maeve_Mari]

It's time to get back to the main event. Fencergrl why don't you free up one of your boas and restrain those who would hijack this thread. Surely they can loosen their imaginations enough for this bit of fantasy fencing.

En Garde!

Feather Boa Restraints? Ohhh! That might be too much excitement for the Fnet Eunuch Trolls to withstand! I believe Geneva Convention restricts unusual punishments including those cruel to animals!

[pacer]

Based upon the lack of response I thought it was more than they could bear to suffer or perhaps the thread was just flying below the FnET radar...

[ThatReallyHurt]

Hmm... interesting poll...

[Zelda]

This can only be solved by a nude free for all on my bed, with me as the referee, judge, audience and prize. ZZ and Go? Fencing? may represent their affiliated teams.

DOWN BOY! Control those hormones......

[Sciurus-Rex]

I'm surprised how close the battle is going... and more people are not offering a play-by-play.... where's your imaginations people???

My imagination would be severely censored here.

[Goofy]

My imagination would be severely censored here.

As well as being too high a requirement. With the exception of ZZ there is nothing to support the claims as to the appearances of the combatants. We're waiting...

Okay, I'm really surprised that no one has said that the poll is flawed yet. Could this possibly be the first perfect poll?

Actually, you missed it.

http://www.fencing.net/forums/316339-55-post.html

It's time to get back to the main event. Fencergrl why don't you free up one of your boas and restrain those who would hijack this thread. Surely they can loosen their imaginations enough for this bit of fantasy fencing.

Fantasy FENCING? Bah.

[Go? Fencing?]

As well as being too high a requirement. With the exception of ZZ there is nothing to support the claims as to the appearances of the combatants. We're waiting...

I have posted several pictures of myself. Look around, they do exist.

[PeterGustafsson]

Hi!

I believe it goes something like this....

Go? is late teens/early 20's
ZZ is in her 30's
SW & I are late 30's/early 40's (we are probably no more than a year or two apart)

I have had the pleasure of seeing ZZ in person (dressed in complete FIE gear) at a big meet. While your age estimate is not that far off, you should be aware of the fact that she both looks and sounds a decade or so younger than her birth certificate.

If you know how to read Swedish, you can find her (and mine, for that matter) DOB on the Sw. fencing federation webpage.


Have a nice time!

Peter Gustafsson

[Mr Epee]

Feather Boa Restraints? Ohhh! That might be too much excitement for the Fnet Eunuch Trolls to withstand! I believe Geneva Convention restricts unusual punishments including those cruel to animals!

The past 4 years have taught me many things

The Geneva Convention only applies to actions taken by non-Americans.

ZZ and FG are from Sweden and Canada respectively. They are bound by the terms of the Geneva convention. SW and GF? are Americans. They can do pretty much whatever they want... Play Ball!

How freakin' hillarious is it that Western Canadian, FG, has declared war on ZZ when she isn't even here This rates very high on my list of things that make the world a better place.

[PeterGustafsson]

Hi!

That's good... young and feisty... now go kick some Swedish butt!

And risk the wrath of 200lbs+ of former wrestler (yours truly) who would take a very dim view indeed of someone beating up another Swede.


Have a nice time!

Peter Gustafsson

[PeterGustafsson]

Hi!

...and I'll have you know that gravity doesn't always have a negative effect on all women. Some of us are still quite firm in that belief!

hehehe

Well, MM, if you sleep like a bat - gravity will have a beneficial effect!


Have a nice time!

Peter Gustafsson

[Mr Epee]

And risk the wrath of 200lbs+ of former wrestler (yours truly) who would take a very dim view indeed of someone beating up another Swede.

I'm going out tonight with some Swedes from JIBS...

Swedes have a great ability to be extremely nationalistic, without taking it too far, or too seriously...

[Go? Fencing?]

Hi!




And risk the wrath of 200lbs+ of former wrestler (yours truly) who would take a very dim view indeed of someone beating up another Swede.


Have a nice time!

Peter Gustafsson

Now you're threatening the squirrel? Excuse me, but this is a babe battle. I think we'll need some evidence that you're a babe first.

[Elemental]

Peanuts!! Get Your Hot Roasted Peanuts Right Here!!

Fresh Squeezed Lemonade!!

Need A Better View?? I Got Monoculars, Binoculars, I Even Got Trinoculars!!

Any Takers?? You Sir??

[Fencergrl]

How freakin' hillarious is it that Western Canadian, FG, has declared war on ZZ when she isn't even here This rates very high on my list of things that make the world a better place.

Very Canadian indeed.... we do those kind of things to the Danish over frozen northern islands too…. I’m surprised you Americans trust us as much as you do…. Oh yeah… your history books “forget to mention the War of 1812”… so how could you know how sneaky we are?…. What was that Jbirch... oh right... I forgot....Oppps never mind… go back to what you were doing…

[glowstix]

Very Canadian indeed.... we do those kind of things to the Danish over frozen northern islands too…. I’m surprised you Americans trust us as much as you do…. Oh yeah… your history books “forget to mention the War of 1812”… so how could you know how sneaky we are?…. What was that Jbirch... oh right... I forgot....Oppps never mind… go back to what you were doing…

ok..maybe i'm having second thoughts on my move..lol!!

[Fencergrl]

Ladies and Gentlemen the Battle of the Babes is about to begin!

Please stand while Westley plays all three national anthems….


This is a very exciting match folks … ZZ is putting on her Viking helmet, and ready with her broadsword and shield. Her partner Swordwench has chosen her favourite chain mail, a broadsword as well, along with her bow and arrows strapped to her back.

On the other side, Go? Fencing? is sharpening her teeth and munching on walnuts in the shell. Fencergrl has nothing more than a feather boa over her t-shirt, which was made by her Snookums, and are available in the lobby…. I must admit that I am a little concerned for these two as they have entered into this match, not only as underdogs, but it appears… under prepared as well…. They seem calm, so perhaps they have something up their sleeves… Canadians are known to be a sneaky bunch…

Our referee Mari enters the centre of the ring… she does not look happy in the Mauve outfit she has been given….

The four ladies make their way to the centre of the ring, they shake hands, and the bell rings…

Go? Immediately throws sharp walnut shells in ZZ’s eyes…. Ohh a real dirty move right off the bat! Where is Mari??? She’s off to the side arguing politics with Jeff & J.Birch…Go? quickly whips around behind ZZ and bites her on the ankles…. Blue smurf blood is dripping from her teeth as she goes for the other ankle… the crowd goes wild…

Meanwhile…Fencergrl knees S’wench in the crotch …. It appears she has hit something hard… S’wench is wearing a chastity belt!… obviously, not a woman to be trusted! Fencergrl reels back in pain… S’wench charges her… FG quickly moves out of the way, while catching S’wench across the neck with her feather boa, knocking her to the ground…. S'wench's arrows lay scattered on the ground....FG jumps on Swordwench’s chest in the hopes of knocking her breath out….

A Viking battle cry pierces the air! ZZ sails over with her broadsword to help her comrade….. FG tries to get out of the way, but the broadsword catches her shoulder… wait… it bounces off… Fencergrl has hockey padding under her t-shirt… Canadian eh???

ZZ helps S’wench to her feet…. What is this??? What’s going on…. S’wench is doing some crazy dance… and giggling… ZZ & FG stare in disbelief as with the rest of the crowd… where’s Go?… why she’s crawled up inside Swordwench’s armour and is tickling her….

Something has shaken loose… oh my goodness… it’s Swordwench’s breast protection (aka Barbie Boobies)…. Go? Is being swept away in the flood of sweat that is pouring out…

Fencergrl lifts her own t-shirt to removes her Barbie Boobies, and shows Swordwench that hers are bone dry because she has sweat wicking fabric between real boobs and her plastic boobs….

ZZ, standing waist deep in sweat… then realizes that she was also wrong… FG did a horrible job as a dyke as the water rushed right past her…. The grrrls apologize and the battle is over….

As for the rest of you….ThatReallyHurt got most of the flood of sweat… but didn’t mind salty water since he’s a good natured starfish and likes that kind of thing…

ParryThis enjoyed the wet T-Shirts so he was quite happy…

Elemental made a killing in selling peanuts to Go? And all her relatives (the few remaining alive)…

Mr. Epee was found in a boredom-induced coma. Not only does he find women’s sports are boring, but Cheeky Canuck was reading out loud some Margaret Atwood to Peach, and there was too many women around and too little sex and food preparation to keep Mr. E conscious. Mr. Briggs tried to use this opportunity to win a fight against Mr. E by jumping him, but Araznal wouldn’t let him.

Achilles enjoyed himself, as did Veeco who just likes watching women (being French).

BrianH found an ancient fossil and correctly identified him as Inq…

Fencergal33 & Nusy had a brief fight in the aisle, but there was something about Nusy’s aura that made her hungry…

Zelda was laughing so hard at everybody’s “accents” she had to go to the washroom, she spent the entire time there fascinated that the water in the toilet swirls in the opposite direction…

Gav & Craig were in the background… they heard that a catfight was happening and wanted to ensure that no cats were harmed.

Latenight was in the shadows… flirting with anyone that strayed away from the light… Glow… glowed… and was ambushed by a bunch of Canadians who told him lies about their country… you got to watch those Canucks... oh sure... they seem friendly...

Melihop spent the entire time looking for a husband for her upcoming marriage, while Goofy wandered looking for the “Babes” he was promised….

DFP walked around totally disillusioned… no one was sure whether it was because the fight was not a fencing match, seeing 40-something year old boobies in wet t-shirts or walking into the men’s washroom to find a 200 lb. Swedish former wrestler (PeterGustafsson) trying to squeeze his body in a dress so he can pass himself off as a woman and help ZZ…. In either case, things turned out normal as DFP didn’t get lucky with any of the young women of F-Net…..

HowtoBrew brought some great beer for the after battle celebrations… ZZ got to keep her title as “Queen of the Epeeist” (although she doesn’t spend nearly enough time in the Epeeists Only thread) as it was clear to everyone she was true royality as our little smurf is blue because of her blood…

Ess… you want to know about Ess???? Shucks… I must have given him the wrong date… silly me! Aww… he wasn’t able to interfere… I mean cheer ZZ on….

[swordwench]

What...the...HELL is this thread all about? I go offline for a few days and return to THIS? It's just too weird for me, and that's saying a lot. I need a drink.

Disclaimer: For the record, I had no part in the creation or continuation of this thread.

Get a grip. I'd kill you all. I'd use my superior logic and problem-solving skills to come up with some dastardly but creative plan, which would probably involve hiring someone to do my dirty work. I'm in management, remember? Much as I love the concept of the mano a mano thing, I have no interest in getting my hands dirty on this one. And I have too much respect for you all as individuals to engage in such violence. Why don't we all sit down and read some Virginia Woolf together and sip some chamomile tea before somebody gets hurt?