F.Net Roast Thread

[Mr Epee]

F.net has a fancy new feature, Negative Cool Points.

I'm sure a few of you are sitting there thinking... "that's cool! now what?"

After much solemn thought and pondering, I have a solution.

Roast - A facetious tribute, as at a banquet, in which the honoree is alternately praised and insulted

Who could we honor with this tradition?

It would have to be someone old enough to appreciate it.
Someone with pro-establishment views, due to the very old-school nature of this tradition.

hmmm.... WAIT!!!

I present to you a saber fencer we all know and love, the library lurking economist, attired from head to toe in lilly white, the masked man of the desert, the one, the only IN-QUAR-TA-TA

Give the curmudgeon a hand people..... cuz his are nearly worn out! [crash]

Shower him with praise, insults, and as much negative rep as you can spare.

Remember that this is supposed to be good natured fun.

[Fencergrl]

Inq... what can I say that hasn't already been said before? When Mr. E told me that he was holding a roast I could only reply "Is the Inq I smell on the spit?" I could think of no other than you who should be the first to be honoured in this regard.

Yes... my dear, my sweet, "Wannabe-Epeeist-but-doesn't-have-the-skill, (socially or otherwise)-nor-the hygiene-so-you-fence-sabre"... I raise my glass to you (at a safe distance as you haven't bathe this century or last).

Cheers!.... now drink your prune juice and have a nap until the next person steps up to the podium...

[fencerontheline]

As I walk up to this soapbox and take this mike, I'm reminded of the many generations before me that have taken part in this time-honored tradition.

Roasting Inquartata has been a wholesome national pastime forever. I'm going to take some time to pay some honor to the roasts of Inquartata past.

The first roast was in 1927, in a Harlem jazz club. Inq walked in, dressed is his whitest of whites, took his seat, and was cut into mercilessly in song by Al Jolson and ripped into by Amos and Andy.

Here is an exerpt from Jolson's song (to be sung as a ho-down):

"Before us is placed,
a man who's very crass
He speaks in puns,
and looks like an @ss

His clothes are white,
and so's his pointy hat
but you should see
deep down his skin is dark
like me and my mam-mi"

[Fencergrl]

We talk about Inq's clothes being white.... but when you haven't bathed for so long, how can this be true? I guess no one has been able to get close enough to tell.... unless perhaps you're upwind....

[needle]

Who said anything about them being white now? They were white in 1927, but since there is no evidence that Inq bathed or changed clothes since then, the current color is anybody's guess, especially since it's so difficult to get close enough - being upwind does not help; like bad news, that smell travels very fast and in all directions

[Zilverzmurfen]

Originally Posted by needle

...being upwind does not help; like bad news, that smell travels very fast and in all directions

Yes, I thought I smelled something in the wind today. At first I thought it was someone burning tires, now it makes more sense...

[esskreemr]

I would join in but unfortunately, I don't know Latin and you know Inq could never respect any argument or statement that wasn't properly phrased in that dead pedantic tongue. Of course, if I grew up learning latin during the Roman Ages, I would probably have a hard time giving it up too. He only started learning English when he found that most modern young women don't respond to ribald latin phrases. They don't respond well to his English, so I've heard he's learning French. Unfortunately, in French, his nickname is 'stinky leather bag of wind', so perhaps he should try Spanish...

[ReverseLunge]

I wouldn't mind being roasted but by now you guys must have realized that I am not a mortal.

[Zilverzmurfen]

Originally Posted by esskreemr

They don't respond well to his English, so I've heard he's learning French.

I've heard he only kisses in french...

[glowstix]

Originally Posted by Zilverzmurfen

I've heard he only kisses in french...

but wait..so do i!?!!!

[Fencergrl]

Originally Posted by glowstix

but wait..so do i!?!!!

Your knowledge of French I'm sure will come in handy (and keep you warm) when you move to eastern Canada.

[swordwench]

How did this devolve from roasting Inq to providing Glowstix with dating advice?

Admit it, the only reason any of you read this thread is because secretly you want to BE Inq. Or at least be WITH him.

[Fencergrl]

I like Glow! He's a sweetie... as for Inq.... that wasn't much of a roast grrrlfriend.... I KNOW you can do better!

[esskreemr]

Originally Posted by Zilverzmurfen

I've heard he only kisses in french...

I'm very fluent in the French tongue, I don't understand a lick of the language, however.

[Inquartata]

Just as well, since you need to stick to Swedish...or maybe Lapp.

[parrythis]

Friends, Fencers, Fellow Athletes...

I come here to defend Inquartata, not to roast him. There is much misinformation floating about with regards to him and I'm here to set the record straight.

First, there is no truth whatsoever that Inq chooses not to wear a cup because he's a sabrer and that's not valid target. In fact, he chooses not to wear a cup because he sees no point in protecting equipment that he's never going to use again.

Then there's the misconception that Inq is a closet-epeeist. Let me tell you that is not true at all. His numerous posts in the "epeeists only" thread is proof positive that he is out of the closet. He's just in denial.

And don't forget the long white socks. There are those that say he wears them to fulfill some Japanese schoolgirl uniform fantasy. Untrue, I say. Well... I could be wrong about this one.

Anyway... I say let's stop this petty roasting and start a "Be Kind to Inq" thread. I may do so myself if I can find two other people that will post to it.

[Maeve_Mari]

I can specifically attest to the sincere kindness of Inq. I knew a fella who knew a guy who overheard a woman who talked to a man who saw this happen personally.

Our very own, sincere and kind Inq, found and tried to pet a Kitty. He yelped when he was scathingly scratched and managed to narrowly miss serious injury and possibly death, when Kitty hopped into her Lincoln Continental, and sped towards him, trying to run him down, before she spun off abandoning him there alone in the gutter!

Poor kind Inq, just trying to pet Kitty.

[glowstix]

Originally Posted by Fencergrl

I like Glow! He's a sweetie

aawwww...thanks!!