Parents

[Zasha]

as some of you may have gathered, i am not the highest authority in my home. i have parents, to which i am legally binded. normally, there is little or no friction. but there is now.
they want me to stop fencing.
i'm looking at colleges, and their main argument is that only considering those with fencing is that, "it limits the options too much." i know i'll never fence for princeton, but i have good marks. how do i explain to them that taking away my main activity outside of academics would be a very very bad thing?

[melihop]

Mabey you should look at colleges that just have fencing programs, mabey just one with a good club in the area?? A lot of schools have clubs as well, they just arn't listed on the website, and you can only find out about them if you contact the school!

[keith]

well since you are going to be a self supporting adult I think you should just tell them it's none of their business!

[ThatReallyHurt]

Unless you're looking to make a living fencing, it's a good idea to look at all the colleges. You really can't afford to miss out on any opportunities that you might by limiting your choice of school.

By all means, keep fencing (I'm sure that it will help you, academically), but don't put your future on hold or change it because of fencing.

You can always keep fencing outside of college - you don't need to fence at college.

Tough choices though, eh?

[geezer]

Ha,ha...you should always listen to your parents 1st and do what they tell you....

You should realize that you need to do what you need to do.

In 15 days I put one of mine in a dorm and drive away before the drugs wear off (mine or his?).... There's a great fencing club in town, but he'll never use it...to expensive...sad...the plan is to be to busy (sure he will...) at music practice. We'll see.

Options...have hundreds of them!!

[howtobrew]

What do you want to be when you graduate? Doctor, Lawyer, ENGINEER, etc.?

Olympic Fencer? Then focus on fencing schools.
Something else? Then focus on those schools. This is the next 40 years we are talking about here - your career satisfaction, your financial future.
Sure I wish I had fenced in college, I would have had a ball, but I am fencing now, and have an interesting career that easily supports my family.

All I am trying to point out is take a long view, and make sure you don't short change yourself.
All the best,
HtB

[fencerontheline]

I think you should commit seppouku. A frisbee is not the worst way to go.

[ThatReallyHurt]

I think you should commit seppouku. A frisbee is not the worst way to go.

Ugh, who wants to eat that much butter?

[mrbiggs]

as some of you may have gathered, i am not the highest authority in my home. i have parents, to which i am legally binded. normally, there is little or no friction. but there is now.
they want me to stop fencing.
i'm looking at colleges, and their main argument is that only considering those with fencing is that, "it limits the options too much." i know i'll never fence for princeton, but i have good marks. how do i explain to them that taking away my main activity outside of academics would be a very very bad thing?

I'm surprised, actually, I'm in the same boat, but I found that looking for fencing colleges didn't limit me much at all. Many colleges at least have fencing as a club sport.

Well, good luck with it all working out...

[bmcfencer]

Worst comes to worst, you can start a club, like I did. It's not the same, but not having fencing that first semester isn't necessarily a bad thing.

And part of college, after all, is growth, and not diving straight into fencing allows you to find other things. I discovered, for example, that I'm a Shakespearan actor, something I wouldn't have had time to find out if I'd had fencing to keep me sane. And now I'm a fight choreographer as well as an actor and fencer. It's none so bad!

Listen to your parents! They usually have at least some idea of what they're talking about, and if you can't talk them around, well, perhaps your arguement isn't so good after all. My parents told me the same thing yours are telling you, and I ended up at a college I love.

[afc fencer]

I am going to go against what other people have said and tell you not to listen to your parents. Your parents, unless they happen to be admissons officers at a college, probally have a poor grasp of college admissions today. I've gotten tons of horrible advice from adults. Take every thing you hear with a grain of salt.

Quiting fencing now will look bad on your college application. It the admissons officers might think you have a commitment problem. My advice to help your parents understand this is to find every article on EC's, print it and give it to your parents.

[D+F+P=Hadouken!]

Do what you want with your life, man. God gave it to you, not your parents. If you want to fence in college, then go under the radar and choose a school based on fencing and lie to your parents about why you chose it.

[Fencergrl]

Do what you want with your life, man. God gave it to you, not your parents.

LOL.... do we have to explain the birds and the bees to ya DFP? *still laughing while I type*.... Unless she's adopted.... the two people who are paying for her education most definately gave her, her life.

It doesn't mean she doesn't have a right to self-determine or have a say in her education, but you have a funny way of putting things DFP...

Zasha... It's easy to be upset over the possibility of not fencing. Pick your school based on how you want to spend your life supporting yourself. If you don't know what you want to do (and that's normal, many of us change careers anyway) pick a school based on other factors (closeness to home, fencing etc.).

As mentioned, there are fencing clubs everywhere. This might be a way to meet your parents half way. Learn the fine art of negotiating, this will get you much further than anything else.

1st step... acknowledge your parents concerns.
2nd. .... state your needs.
3rd.... offer a solution that looks after both parties needs. Make sure that solution addresses your parent's needs, and then make sure you tell them how it addresses their needs.

Think about what they want. Address it, but look after your own needs as well.

[Welted 24/7]

You don't necessarily need a school with a team or a club...are you checking the surrounding area to see what there is in the way of fencing in the towns around the school?

I also have yet to determine whether that "God gave you your life, not your parents" remark was an intentional or unintentional joke...but one way or another, it certainly was a joke.

[Araznal]

My parents understood that if I didn't fence during college, whether NCAA, or in a local club, I would probably commit seppuku (most definitely with a frisbee, too ). Every school I applied to had NCAA fencing except Williams, which I didn't like much anyway. Good thing that they didn't accept me because my mom liked that school. Columbia also rejected me outright, and though I don't dare tell my parents, I would not go there even if I got in. So what? Well, I would have free tuition if I attended Columbia. If I had got in, I would be in your position Zasha, except my parents pretend like money doesn't matter, even though I know it does. I only got into one school: the one I'm going to . Made it really easy to decide where to go. So... my point... yeah... if you're parents want you to apply to non-fencing colleges, choose one or two that have no fencing, but are just out of your reach.
"Oh dear, you didn't get in?"
"No... I guess I'll just have to fence..." *hides big smile*

[D+F+P=Hadouken!]

LOL.... do we have to explain the birds and the bees to ya DFP? *still laughing while I type*.... Unless she's adopted.... the two people who are paying for her education most definately gave her, her life.

It doesn't mean she doesn't have a right to self-determine or have a say in her education, but you have a funny way of putting things DFP...

Zasha... It's easy to be upset over the possibility of not fencing. Pick your school based on how you want to spend your life supporting yourself. If you don't know what you want to do (and that's normal, many of us change careers anyway) pick a school based on other factors (closeness to home, fencing etc.).

As mentioned, there are fencing clubs everywhere. This might be a way to meet your parents half way. Learn the fine art of negotiating, this will get you much further than anything else.

1st step... acknowledge your parents concerns.
2nd. .... state your needs.
3rd.... offer a solution that looks after both parties needs. Make sure that solution addresses your parent's needs, and then make sure you tell them how it addresses their needs.

Think about what they want. Address it, but look after your own needs as well.

What a crock, they dont have to live his life, he does. He should make it the life that he wants to live, not some compromise of his wants and his parents fantasy.

[Gav]

Well it's your choice which college you go to. Don't forget that your parents only have your best interests at heart. Apply some common sense and make your choice.

[sabreur]

What a crock, they dont have to live his life, he does. He should make it the life that he wants to live, not some compromise of his wants and his parents fantasy.

Dude,

Zasha is a girl.

Zasha,

Why do they want you to quit fencing now? If you are getting the grades you need to get into a decent school, then fencing is obviously not interfering with your academics.

Are they concerned that you won't study hard enough in college if you are fencing? That seem unreasonable, but it could be their concern.

When I went to college (back in the Dark Ages--we had to copy our books by hand), we had a general rule of thumb--you could do any two things well--study, athletics, social life, girl/boyfriend. If you tried to do more than two things, you were going to end up doing one or all badly--that, I think, is a good rule (even though I am an inveterate doer of more than two things... ). You might need to reassure your parents that books will come first.

Some other folks have given you good advice--Fencinggrl's is about the best, IMNSHO. You don't have to completely cut fencing off and pretend that it isn't important to you, but you should probably have other criteria as being more important as you choose your college.

Good luck.

MR

[Peach]

I'm a fencer and parent of a fencer. We kept paying for her fencing from elementary school on (though we did periodically ask, "Are you sure you want to keep doing this?), and eventually I started fencing myself. Fencing helped get her into college, indirectly helped her pay for college, and provided a systematic distraction from her studies similar to holding down a full-time job while studying, which had its benefits but was pretty draining for a long time.

The folks who tell kids it's their life and they can do what they want are half right. Keep in mind that parents (a) pay for fencing and often expend considerable time and effort on supporting a student's fencing (b) are legally, morally, and socially responsible for their children, often well into what is theoretically called adulthood (c) sometimes (just sometimes) know better than their kids do.

Remember that parents have a life and they can do what they want, too, and perhaps they don't want to keep paying for something or expending their effort when college is going to be this insanely expensive thing. The college situation is nuts. We expect parents to pay for it and have no control over it, which is just stupid in terms of marketing and customer satisfaction, and has produced a generation of parental control freaks who are afraid one of their biggest investments of a lifetime won't be the right one.

The dilemma for the student is that unless she's willing to pay for fencing and/or college herself, she has to negotiate somehow. Good negotiating points are:

--It keeps you sane while you're in school, and too busy to get into trouble.
--Unusual sports, even if the college doesn't field them, look good on an application if you're not too scattered. Colleges like people who are interesting and independent. That's how the guy down the hall who makes balloon animals and wears a top hat got in, in case you were wondering.
--You're not good at other things your parents want you to do, and it would look bad to get a 1 on your AP exam when you could be listing competitive results instead.
--You're willing to pay for some of the expense or drive yourself
--You'll do something else they want you to do if you can keep fencing.

[Welted 24/7]

You should pretty much ignore DFP. Contrary to what many "rebellious" fourteen year olds will tell you, your parents usually DO have your best interests at heart. You don't have to do exactly what they tell you to do all the time, but their opinions are certainly worth noting and taking under consideration. As Peach rightly pointed out, they ARE the ones who are financing you, so dismissing their wishes out of hand altogether is a good way to make them say "Alright, if you want to fence so bad, you can pay for it yourself." Let me tell you from experience- almost no job you find during college is enough to support fencing, socializing, and basic living needs. So again, I guess it's a "pick one" situation, but it probably won't even fully cover fencing, either.

In conclusion...talk to them about it and try to work something out.