Lonely Geek dating ads

[StarFox]

Now that i have your attention: how's about we play a little game?
make up some fictional personal ads/on-line dating profile for lonely geeks?(you dont have to format it in any particular way)Who ever has the most pathetic gets to pat him or her self on the back.
I'll start you off:
Name:Themighty Darthstar
Occupation:Macho Man
Location:Tokyo,Japan
Hobbies:48-Hr Everquest 2 binges,emulating Japanese Game Developers,TV's Thomas Magnum,people who have been on Star Trek,
Skills: (NONE)
I am looking for someone to share long dreamy stares at the CRT with.
Thank you.

[Go? Fencing?]

You just started this cause I said that I have a crush on Wesley Crusher, didn't you? I know how your mind works....

[StarFox]

What!?! NO!
I acually think Crusher is a great guy(in fact sometimes i wish i was him), i just want to see what you guys can come up with.
My mind does not work that way, i only just read your reply!!

[Go? Fencing?]

So, what you're saying is that I know how your mind works better than you do?

[StarFox]

you might!!!! Continue your story and we'll see...

[Go? Fencing?]

Story? What story?

[Inquartata]

Westley's last name is "Crusher"? How interesting...

[Go? Fencing?]

No, no. Our Westley has a T in his name, the Wesley on Star Trek has no T.

[Inquartata]

Surely Picard would give him some of his Earl Grey?

[Go? Fencing?]

Picard never shares his tea. Haven't you noticed how no one else on any ST series drinks Earl Grey? Janeway is hooked on coffee; the closest you'll get to Earl Grey is Vulcan tea.

[cornflower]

Wesley Crusher is SO cute. I'd boink him.

[Tazz]

You spin me right round, baby
Right round like a record, baby
Right round..right..round

[mollusk]

My pathetic entry:

Name: Thaddeus Monkworthy
Occupation: Actuary
Location: Des Moines, Iowa
Hobbies: Optimizing Gentoo kernels, restoring Rayleigh 3-speed bikes, ham radio
Skills: Bow staff and calibration of HDTV monitors

Looking for someone to feed me and do my laundry first. Possibly more later.

[cornflower]

Name: Hubert
Occupation: Data System Analyst
Location: Surrey, living with my mother.
Hobbies: Making ships inside bottles. Solitaire. Reading. Russian Language/History. WoW.
Skills: Data Systems Analyzation. Computers. Nursing (my mother is bed-ridden). Cooking and First Aid.

I need a nice lady who will marry me. The lady must speak Russian to be able to communicate with my mother. She must be willing to help me care for her. Of course, providing that the lady is liked by my mother.

I have been married previously, but she died mysteriously. Bah, my mother didn't like her, anyway. So, I desperately need someone to sleep on the left side of my king-size bed to balance it out.

[telkanuru]

Wesley Crusher is SO cute. I'd boink him.

I think using "boink" as a verb adds the proper level of humor to an altogeather absurd undertaking...

Also, he'd probly do something that caused something to do something, threatening death to all of humanity until the last 2 minutes of the show.

[glowstix]

Data Systems Analyzation

that sounds kinda....aaggghh...funny. nice ad though..

name: henry iwanna*****
occupation: computer programmer
hobbies/interests: role playing games, star wars and star trek collectibles, video games, solving rubix cubes.

my perfect match:
must love science fiction movies, dungeons and dragons and hanging out with me and my friends.

[D'Art]

name: Betty Swollocks
occupation: Err, between jobs at the moment
location: At her Majesty's Pleasure
hobbies: Boiling family pets, anger management, shooting, archery, knife-throwing
perfect match: 4-time (very) rich widow WLTM similarly well-off single, older, trusting (ie gullible), senile, feeble, incontinent gentleman (preferrably over 80) for nights in/out, and to help them end their days quietly, and without suspicion.
Sorry, end their days happily.

[Westley]

(Cf, if you boink him, you have to send me the videotape. )

Name: Wil Wheaton
Occupation: I'm a blogger baby, and if you IM me up we can blog together all night: sexually! Oh, you weren't expecting that, were you b!tch?
Hobbies/interests: Collecting my own action figures, participating in Nambla, looking at the pictures of the women on TNG that I took in their dressing rooms, and writing fanfiction of me having intercourse with counselor Troi and cmdr Yarr. It's had over 12 viewings, baby. I have multiple orgasms. What? Fencrgrl told me it was possible! That girl is foxy! I also posted one where Beverly spanked me, but she sued me and I had to take it off. Stupid bit- I mean, I totally understand her position.... I occasionally enjoy patrolling a little known website known as Fencing.net. God I wish was Westley. That guy gets all the tail! What's this "Lonely Geek dating ads" thread. Holy Crap! What is this guy writing about me? I have to go!

Okay, I'm back. I have assimilated Westley, and he is now in my basement chained to the radiator, along with 2 ten year old boys and Tito Jackson. What? Whatever I do with my love rocket is my own buisiness, damnitt! Now, back to the personal.

What I'm looking for in a girl (or boy under 15) is a coidry love affair in which a hot chick lets me do her in every way possible, live in her house, and use her mney to buy Colt 45's and Heinekens.

[cornflower]

Sure. Everyone has a sex video nowdays. Especially Latenight and company. I also heard rumours that Craig and Gav have one too, but it has yet to be confirmed/denied.

[Westley]

(Ironically enough, I'm watching the episode of TNG on which Wesley becomes an official officer right now, as I'm writing this. In Wil Wheaton's basement. Tied to a radiator. And if Tito doesn't shut up, I will smack him so hard.....)