Combat to the Death

[parrythis]

Sailor Moon

vs.

Jack Aubrey

Jack Aubrey, being somewhat larger than life, takes the two-dimensional Sailor Moon and crumples here and her two-dimensional solutions to problems up into a tiny ball. Victory: Jack Aubrey


Chevy Corvette vs. Dodge Viper

[mrbiggs]

Dodge Viper, I have to say. Even though the Corvette is nicer looking, and is priced better, the Viper is much faster. And pretty cool.

Goths vs Stoners

[Inquartata]

Tie. ( Winner: the rest of us.)

Angelis vs. Eric Idle with a poin-ted stick

[scrapinpeg]

who/what is "angelis"?

[parrythis]

I would assume that he is referring to "Angel" of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" fame, who, being a vampire, is particularly susceptible to pointed sticks - through the heart, in particular. Unfortunately, Eric Idle, in spite of repeated attempts, has never been trained in the use of pointed sticks and Angelis snatches Eric's stick away and destroys it before any damage can be done. He then crushes Eric like a piece of fresh fruit.


Ron Jeremy vs. Peter North

[Inquartata]

Ron Jeremy vs. Peter North

Both wilt at the sight of each other; the fight "peters" out to a draw.

( BTW, your scenario for Angelis Vs. Eric Idle has far too clear and decisive and ending. No respectable Python would ever allow a sketch to conclude in such a manner. )

Euro vs. the Quatloo

[geezer]

Unfortunately, Eric Idle, in spite of repeated attempts, has never been trained in the use of pointed sticks and Angelis snatches Eric's stick away and destroys it before any damage can be done. He then crushes Eric like a piece of fresh fruit.

No, wait...wait...that can't be right!!! I saw it...I saw it happen! It's true... Idle as down like a squarshed and used grape. He was stepped on, it was awfull...but them, it was like a miracle, or something...he looked like a...a glowing banana. Yeah, all of a sudden...he grabs Angelis's foot...he squeezes his big toe...and in a squeeky, but raising voice starts singing..."Always look on the bright side of LIfe...." And he starts to stand up, still holding on to his toe...picks Angelis off the ground and starts swinging him around and around and around and...well, it was weird, they started a cyclone, that began to move off to the West and soon disappeared from sight. But I've heard they made it back to Hollywood, where their agents got together and...and they made a TV pilot about religious hamsters, with Weird Al...I'm sorry, I ran out of space, this is as far as the Universe goes, and...better luck next time.

(Again, I'm sorry, I don't know these guys...Ron Jeremy and Peter North don't go to my church.)

[Goofy]

Euro vs. the Quatloo

Draw, as neither currency has a basis in reality.

Visa

vs

MasterCard

[bmcfencer]

Visa, because that's what I have and I'm sick of Mastercard telling me what's priceless.

Tennessee vrs. South Carolina

[Araznal]

Tennessee get's in it's Corvette and zooms to South Carolina. Suddenly, when it passes the border, it's arrested for speeding and put in jail (what is it? 30 days?) where South Carolina kills Tennessee in the mess hall.

French vs. Spanish

[geezer]

French vs. Spanish

No one has to die...you just go home when summer's over and take a shower.



For late night hangover snacks...toothpaste or shavecream?

[ThatReallyHurt]

Ooh, toothpaste... minty goodness!

Troy Hurtubise wearing the Ursus Mk. V versus Ellen Ripley wearing the construction robot thing from Aliens.

[parrythis]

Troy Hurtubise wearing the Ursus Mk. V versus Ellen Ripley wearing the construction robot thing from Aliens.

Well, since the Mk. V was deemed unsuitable for an encounter with an angry bear, and since any one of the aliens from "Aliens" could dispatch a bear easily, and since Ripley held her own against the alien with the construction robot thing...

I would have to give this one to Ripley wearing the construction robot thing.

Next:
Brooke Burke vs. Carmen Electra - in a "hot oil" wrestling ring

[fencerontheline]

The audience wins.

The Kama Sutra vs The internet.

[geezer]

The audience wins.

The Kama Sutra vs The internet.

Kama Sutra...any thing chiseled in stone, that long ago, and still holds it's relevence to the modern world...gets my vote!!!

The Wooopie Cushion vs the Rubber Chicken

[D'Art]

The Wooopie Cushion vs the Rubber Chicken

The whoopie cushion wins due to the noise, and childishness of the thing, whereas the rubber chicken just lays there.

Oscar the Grouch vs George Bush

[ThatReallyHurt]

Clang clang clang and it's all over - Oscar stands victorious.

Biff and Sully from Sesame Street vs. Carl and Lenny from the Simpsons

[geezer]

Biff and Sully from Sesame Street vs. Carl and Lenny from the Simpsons

Good God!!! These are like equally, perfectly ballanced black holes! If you disturb any motion of either...you could...DESTROY THE WHOLE GALAXY, CAPTAIN!!! Be careful, for God's sake, BE CAREFUL...!!!

[Inquartata]

You forgot to provide a new offering. So I will provide:

Alzheimer's disease vs. schizophrenia

[ThatReallyHurt]

Unfortunately, Alzheimer's wins this one because there's no way to stop it yet.

DigDug vs. Q-Bert.