07-17-2005, 11:26 PM
|
#21 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 4,851
| Hah.
What's worse that 10 dead babies in 1 trashbag?
1 dead baby in 10 trashbags!
What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Ferari?
I haven't got a Ferari in my garage! | 
|  | | And now for this message... |
| |
07-17-2005, 11:56 PM
|
#22 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 1,216
| Quote: |
Originally Posted by telkanuru Hah.
What's worse that 10 dead babies in 1 trashbag?
1 dead baby in 10 trashbags!
What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Ferari?
I haven't got a Ferari in my garage! |
I love the car one.
Whats big grey and if it fell on your head it would kill you? State highway 1!
Whats big, green and if it fell out of a tree on your head it would kill you? A pool table!
(now would be the time for me to find my "Serious Jokebook" )
__________________
I am he
The bornless one
The fallen angel watching you.. | |
| | |
07-18-2005, 12:02 AM
|
#23 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: DC & Vancouver
Posts: 2,068
| Weapons of Math Destruction
Weapons of Math Destruction
At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual later discovered to be a
public school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession
of a ruler, a protractor, a setsquare, a slide rule, and a calculator.
At a morning press conference, Attorney general John Ashcroft said he
believes the man is a member of the notorious al-Gebra movement. He is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.
"Al-Gebra is a fearsome cult," Ashcroft said. "They desire average solutions
by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of
absolute value. They use secret code names like "x" and "y" and refer to themselves as "unknowns", but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country."
When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted
us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more
fingers and toes. I am gratified that our government has given us a sine that it
is intent on protracting us from these math-dogs who are willing to disintegrate us with calculus disregard. the President said, adding: "Under the circumferences," the President said, "we must differentiate their root, make our
point, and draw the line."
Attorney General Ashcroft said, "As our Great Leader would say, read my
ellipse. Here is one principle he is uncertainty of: though they continue to
multiply, their days are numbered as the hypotenuse tightens around their necks."
__________________
My loverboy asked (in American Sign Language) what I was looking at on the computer:
Me: A fencing forum.
LB: A fisting forum?!
Me: God, NO! FENCING!
| |
| | |
07-18-2005, 12:16 AM
|
#24 | | Fencing Expert
Join Date: Apr 2000 Location: Pennsauken, NJ
Posts: 8,934
| What do you call a fish with no eye?
Fsh.
(okay, maybe it doesn't work as well in print.... )
-B :)
__________________
"Oh but you can't expect to wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you!"
| 
| | |
07-18-2005, 12:17 AM
|
#25 | | Fencing Expert
Join Date: Apr 2000 Location: Pennsauken, NJ
Posts: 8,934
| What's big and gray and doesn't matter?
An irrelephant.
Both of the above jokes courtesy of the Prairie Home Companion program I heard today.
-B :)
__________________
"Oh but you can't expect to wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you!"
| |
| | |
07-18-2005, 12:30 AM
|
#26 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 3,002
| A black guy knew he had it made when the old brass bottle he found in the back yard turned out to have a genie in it. Any three wishes he had would be granted, the genie informed him.
"I wanna be rich," said the black man. The back yard filled up with chests of gold coins and jewels in the blink of an eye.
"I'm no fool," said the black man. "I wanna be white." And there he stood, white, blonde-haired and blue-eyed.
"Thirdly, I never want to work another day in my life." And he was black again | |
| | |
07-18-2005, 12:34 AM
|
#27 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 3,002
| The black dude walked into the house to see his wife dancing seductively in front of him. "Hey babe," he said. "Where'd you get that grass skirt?" "That aint no grass skirt," she replied. "I had my hair straightened." | |
| | |
07-18-2005, 06:32 PM
|
#28 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Cougar Country
Posts: 8,913
| A college class was told they had to write a short story in as few words as possible. The short story must contain the following three components:
(1) Religion (2) Sexuality (3) Mystery
Below is the A+ short story.
Good God, I'm pregnant, I wonder who did it?
__________________
With special thanks to Mr. E...
“Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all others because you were born in it.” - George Bernard Shaw | |
| | |
07-18-2005, 06:34 PM
|
#29 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Cougar Country
Posts: 8,913
| Pope John Paul II gets to heaven. St. Peter says, "Frankly, you're lucky to be here." Pope John Paul II says, "Why? What did I do wrong on earth?"
St. Peter says, "God was very angry with your stance on women becoming priests." Pope John Paul says, "He's mad about THAT?"
St. Peter says, "She's furious."
__________________
With special thanks to Mr. E...
“Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all others because you were born in it.” - George Bernard Shaw | |
| | |
07-18-2005, 06:40 PM
|
#30 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Cougar Country
Posts: 8,913
| Another religious joke
Three nuns died and were at the gates of heaven. St. Peter approaches the first nun and tells her before she enters heaven she must correctly answer a skill-testing question.
The nun steps forward and St. Peter asks, “Who was the first man?” The nun responds “Oh that’s easy, Adam”. The trumpets blow, the angels sing and the pearly gates open, and the nun goes off to heaven.
The second nun steps forward and St. Peter asks, “Who was the first woman?” The nun responds “Oh that’s easy, Eve”. The trumpets blow, the angels sing and the pearly gates open, and the nun goes off to heaven.
The third nun steps forward and St. Peter asks “What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?”. The nun responds, “Oh my, that’s a hard one.....” The trumpets blow, the angels sing and the pearly gates open....
__________________
With special thanks to Mr. E...
“Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all others because you were born in it.” - George Bernard Shaw | |
| | |
07-18-2005, 06:40 PM
|
#31 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 1,018
| two men walk into a bar,
the third man ducks.
__________________
"ATTACK, ATTACK, ATTACK" - Gen. Patton
I miss Fencergrl!!! | |
| | |
07-18-2005, 07:07 PM
|
#32 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: SoCal
Posts: 395
| Funnier after a few beers...
Two pieces of string walk into a bar and order a couple of beers. The bartender says, "Hey, we don't allow strings in here, Get out!"
The two strings go outside and think a minute. One says to the other, "hey, I have an idea" and ties himself to the other one and messes up their hair. [note it helps to pantomine this] The strings go back inside. The bartender turns to them and says, "Hey, I told you guys no strings in here"
"We're not strings"
"What? Of course you are."
"No, We're a Frayed Knot"
Why do ducks have flat feet?
To stamp out forest fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet?
To stamp out burning ducks.
What do you do with an elephant that has three balls?
You walk him and pitch to the rhino.
__________________
Victurus te saluto. Corrigia tua est solutus.
I, soon to be victorious, salute you. Your shoelace is untied. | |
| | |
07-19-2005, 05:24 PM
|
#33 | | Épéeist Hive Queen
Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Sweden
Posts: 12,754
|
__________________
Fencing is my only PvP.
Last edited by Zilverzmurfen; 07-19-2005 at 06:09 PM.
| |
| | |
07-19-2005, 05:34 PM
|
#34 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Cougar Country
Posts: 8,913
| The links don't work ZZ... Can you fix, or provide a title so we can look ourselves?
__________________
With special thanks to Mr. E...
“Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all others because you were born in it.” - George Bernard Shaw | |
| | |
07-19-2005, 05:48 PM
|
#35 | | Épéeist Hive Queen
Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Sweden
Posts: 12,754
| Quote: |
Originally Posted by Fencergrl The links don't work ZZ... Can you fix, or provide a title so we can look ourselves? | They work just fine for me..? 
__________________
Fencing is my only PvP. | |
| | |
07-19-2005, 05:57 PM
|
#36 | | Senior Member
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 4,384
| Quote: |
Originally Posted by Zilverzmurfen They work just fine for me..? | If you meant for each link to go to the same web site advertisement they work fine. If you meant for each link to go to an individual joke, they don't.
__________________
But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
| |
| | |
07-19-2005, 05:59 PM
|
#37 | | Épéeist Hive Queen
Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Sweden
Posts: 12,754
| Quote: |
Originally Posted by Goofy If you meant for each link to go to the same web site advertisement they work fine. If you meant for each link to go to an individual joke, they don't. | What a flop. 
I'll see if I can fix it... *fumbles*
__________________
Fencing is my only PvP. | |
| | |
07-19-2005, 06:00 PM
|
#38 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Cougar Country
Posts: 8,913
| Quote: |
Originally Posted by Zilverzmurfen They work just fine for me..? | I got it figured out... it isn't a direct link. You have to download, then open.
Quite funny! The one to Cvillefencer really explains Saskachewan in a nutshell! I've also seen the one for ThatReallyHurt before as well. You do get snow like that....
__________________
With special thanks to Mr. E...
“Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all others because you were born in it.” - George Bernard Shaw | |
| | |
07-19-2005, 07:08 PM
|
#39 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2003
Posts: 2,464
| Copy the URL and then paste it in the address bar of a new window to see your special message! I have to say, however, doing this - seeing this, tells you much more about ZZ's personality and sense of humor than you had ever known before! 
Too funny in a very strange way! | |
| | |
07-20-2005, 03:50 AM
|
#40 | | Épéeist Hive Queen
&nb | |
