Jokes. Need I say more?

[Goofy]

In heaven there were two queues. The sign for one read, "Men who were bossed by their wives," and the sign for the other one read,"Men who weren't bossed by their wives".

There was a big crowd behind the first sign, but then St Peter noticed there was one man next to the second one. He walked over, and asked the man why he had gotten in that queue.

The man replied,"My wife told me I had to."

[Zilverzmurfen]

A dad is on his way home a bit late from the office when he realizes that it's his daughter's birthday and he has not bought her a gift.

So he stops at a toy store to buy his daughter a Barbie. Inside he sees a Barbie display and asks the salesgirl how much the Barbies are.

The girl responds: "Which one? We have Gymnasium Barbie $19.95, Volleyball Barbie $19.95, Shopping Barbie $19.95, Surfer Barbie $19.95, Disco Barbie $19.95 and Divorced Barbie $299.95."

Shocked the man asks "why is Divorced Barbie $299.95 when all the other Barbies are $19.95?"

Exasperated the girl responds "Sir, Divorced Barbie comes with, Ken's Car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat, Ken's furniture, Ken's jewellery, Ken's money, Ken's computer and Ken's best friend..."

[Black Jeebus]

Originally Posted by Fencing Jesus

Two jokes with the same answer

What is my least favorite sport, and least favorite vacation destination?



Any guesses?

Crucifixion!

[Black Jeebus]

Two modelling executives meet at a convention a few weeks after vacationing. The first one asked the second how his vacation was and the second responded with, "Well, we went to Colorado and it snowed the whole freaking time, so I didnt get to ski at all. To top it all off my wife refused all my advances, ran up all my credit cards and at the end of the week she left me. Then I get back in town and find my son shtooping my best model, and now she's pregnant!"

The first executive looks at the second and tells him, "You think that's bad?! Well I went to Hawaii, where it proceeded to rain the whole time. And after my wife used all my traveller's checks she ran off with some young Hawaiin surf instructor! By the time I finally make it back to the office, I walk in on my son schlupping my best model!"

The second pensively looks at the first and asks, "How is that any worse than mine?"

Says the first, "I represent male models."

[Black Jeebus]

Superman was flying around one day and he was super horny (another super power maybe?), so he flew up to Lois Lane's apt but she told him she was too busy. As he was flying around trying to get his mind off it he ran into Supergirl, so he hit her up, but she was busy saving people. He tracked down catwoman next but when he got there she was already "occupied" with Batman. Discouraged, he flew off. As he was moping he noticed Wonder Woman in an alley already bent over with her pantys off. Superman got to thinking and realized with his super speed he could bang her and be gone before she realized what was going on. So Supes swooped down and proceeded to get his super groove on. After he flew off Wonder Woman noticed something odd so she looked back and asked "What was that?" The invisible man said "I dont know what the **** that was but man does my a** hurt"

[Goofy]

Two fellows are talking in a bar that sits atop a very tall hotel. One of them says "Ya know, the winds around this hotel are very unique. Folks say that they blow right up the side of the building, and are so strong that someone can float for a minute".

The second fellow, of course, tells the first that he's crazy. A $1000.00 bet follows, and they head over to a window.

The first fellow opens the window and steps out into nothingness. Amazingly he does NOT fall, and indeed stays just outside the window for a full minute before stepping back in.

The second fellow gladly pays off the bet, and then steps outside the window to try the phenomenon for himself. He falls to his death.

The first fellow returns to the bar, where the bartender comments, "Superman, you are one mean drunk."

[bmcfencer]

Originally Posted by Black Jeebus

Two modelling executives meet at a convention a few weeks after vacationing. The first one asked the second how his vacation was and the second responded with, "Well, we went to Colorado and it snowed the whole freaking time, so I didnt get to ski at all. To top it all off my wife refused all my advances, ran up all my credit cards and at the end of the week she left me. Then I get back in town and find my son shtooping my best model, and now she's pregnant!"

The first executive looks at the second and tells him, "You think that's bad?! Well I went to Hawaii, where it proceeded to rain the whole time. And after my wife used all my traveller's checks she ran off with some young Hawaiin surf instructor! By the time I finally make it back to the office, I walk in on my son schlupping my best model!"

The second pensively looks at the first and asks, "How is that any worse than mine?"

Says the first, "I represent male models."

I don't think that's funny. And it makes me sad that you do.

[Go? Fencing?]

Originally Posted by bmcfencer

I don't think that's funny. And it makes me sad that you do.

Agreed. Wouldn't it be worse that the female model was pregnant?

[Araznal]

Originally Posted by bmcfencer

I don't think that's funny. And it makes me sad that you do.

Oh, of course all humor should be in good taste...

It's politically incorrect, so what? Seriously, for a father to learn his son's gay... in that way, would freak out ANYONE. I hate to say it, but it's one of those things girls don't see the same way guys do.

Seriously, people shouldn't be so touchy about this kind of stuff. I get told so many jokes that should offend me, but I don't let it bother me because... they're jokes. Doesn't say a thing about the person's character if they find it funny. Example: I was just talking to a black friend of mine, and I told a joke about black people, and you know what he did? He laughed.

Of course, that doesn't mean you have to like that joke, but to JUDGE someone for making a joke? This just goes to show how PC this country is getting. Unbelievable.

And I thought jokes were the last haven for political incorrectness... seems I was wrong. Oh well, no more jokes about ANYBODY since that group will get pissed.

Ok, if that's the case, I want ALL jokes about Polish people, Italians, Jews, Frenchmen, Englishmen, Lithuathians, New Yorkers, and men to be abolished.

[Go? Fencing?]

Hey, Araznal! Do you know the difference between a Jew and a pizza?

[Araznal]

I've heard that one before (heck, I've heard them all). It doesn't bother me. You can call me Dan, by the way.

[Go? Fencing?]

Wasn't trying to bother you. It's one of my favourite Jew jokes.

The difference between a Jew and a pizza is that a pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven.

[Araznal]

Hm, G?F? brings up an interesting point. How far is too far? Genocide jokes? Slavery jokes? Plague jokes? Is a joke based on extreme suffering even considered a joke?

[Go? Fencing?]

Hey, man, my joke's about pizza!

[bmcfencer]

Originally Posted by Araznal

Oh, of course all humor should be in good taste...

It's politically incorrect, so what? Seriously, for a father to learn his son's gay... in that way, would freak out ANYONE. I hate to say it, but it's one of those things girls don't see the same way guys do.

Seriously, people shouldn't be so touchy about this kind of stuff. I get told so many jokes that should offend me, but I don't let it bother me because... they're jokes. Doesn't say a thing about the person's character if they find it funny. Example: I was just talking to a black friend of mine, and I told a joke about black people, and you know what he did? He laughed.

Of course, that doesn't mean you have to like that joke, but to JUDGE someone for making a joke? This just goes to show how PC this country is getting. Unbelievable.

And I thought jokes were the last haven for political incorrectness... seems I was wrong. Oh well, no more jokes about ANYBODY since that group will get pissed.

Ok, if that's the case, I want ALL jokes about Polish people, Italians, Jews, Frenchmen, Englishmen, Lithuathians, New Yorkers, and men to be abolished.

I didn't say I was judging anybody. I just said I didn't think it was funny and that it made me sad that others considered it amusing. You're reading far too much into that.

I think gay jokes are hilarious. My friends and I make queer jokes all the time. But we're also taking ownership and finding humor in what is in general a painful situation.

Humor is a funny thing- (NO pun intended, i assure you)- it means such different things between different people in different settings. A queer joke in a Rainbow Alliance meeting is entirely seperate from that joke being told here, and when I say I find that joke un-funny it's because it's not mocking a situation of homophobia like most of our queer jokes and instead mocking a situation involving homosexuality. It makes me so sad that it would be considered so terrible to discover that your son is gay. It cuts too close to reality, and I am saddened that my line between funny and offensive is drawn differently than most people's here. I'm not saying anything against anyone, it just makes me sad. Though I can understand that homophobia wouldn't be something most of you worry about as much as I do since it isn't constantly slapping you in the face.

Oooh, great book about this sort of thing- Portraits of the Whiteman- talks a lot about joking in various settings and the codeshifts that make something funny, also about how humor can slip over the line into the un-funny and offensive.

Girls see things differently? Hmmm. Funny how homophobia works. I remember someone saying that men fear gays because they're afraid THEY"ll be treated the way they treat women. Perhaps girls don't generally fear lesbians as much as boys fear gays because women tend to treat their partners better than men do? I wonder.

On the other hand, gay men may face more violent homophobia but also make a lot more money than lesbians. In general.

Not that it's great being a queer female, either. The girls behind us in the comedy performance tonight were "ewww"ing when my girlfriend kissed me on the forehead and then said "oh yuck, it's like they're having sex in front of us!" when I kissed her on the nose. And this is at BRYN MAWR, which is supposed to be a safe space where nothing is thought of same-sex couples.

On the other hand, we've been joking all evening about lesbian nose-sex, which has been a lot of fun..... (the joking, I mean, though kissing is fun too......)

I'm glad you've got a great joking relationship going with your black friend, but I don't think that actually relates to my earlier comment. Totally different situation.

Political incorrectness can be great, but you have to be carefull...... *shrugs* don't be so offended by the fact that I found a joke saddening. Goodness gracious!

Also it should be noted that I secretly really love dead baby jokes. Shame on me? Perhaps. Hypocritical? Maybe........

[gojujay]

Originally Posted by bmcfencer

I think gay jokes are hilarious. My friends and I make queer jokes all the time. But we're also taking ownership and finding humor in what is in general a painful situation.

Read Robert Heinlein Stranger in a Strange Land for an interesting take on the cause of laughter. He makes a good argument...

[Goofy]

Q: You're trapped in a room with a lion, a cobra, and a New York Yankees fan. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?

A: Shoot the Yankees fan. Twice.