Straight up now, tell me.

[swordwench]

I just robbed a grocery store -
I'm going to Disneyland!
I just took out President George -
I'm going to Disneyland!

[Westley]

Many men, many, many, many, many men
Wish death upon me
Lord I don’t cry no more
Don’t look to the sky no more
Have mercy on me
Have mercy on my soul
Somewhere my heart turned cold
Have mercy on many men
Many, many, many, many men
Wish death upon me

Every night I talk to god, but he don’t say nothing back
I know he protecting me, but I still stay with my gat
In my nightmares, niggas keep pulling techs on me
Psych says some ***** dumb, put a hex on me
The feds didn’t know much, when pac got shot
I got a kite from the pens that told me, tuck got knocked
I ain’t gonna spell it out for you mother****ers all the time
Are you illiterate nigga? you can’t read between the lines
In the Bible it says, what goes around, comes around
Almost shot me, three weeks later he got shot down
Now it’s clear that I’m here, for a real reason
’cause he got hit like I got hit, but he ain’t ****ing breathing

Many men, many, many, many, many men
Wish death upon me
Lord I don’t cry no more
Don’t look to the sky no more
Have mercy on me
Have mercy on my soul
Somewhere my heart turned cold
Have mercy on many men
Many, many, many, many men
Wish death upon me

[Araznal]

Whoa, oh mercy, mercy me
Oh things ain't what they used to be
Now, now, where did all the blue skies go?
Poison is the wind that blows
From the north and southern sea
Whoa mercy, mercy me
Oh things ain't what they used to be
Now, now, oil wasted on the oceans
And upon our seas, fish full of mercury

[Inquartata]

Fish heads, fish heads,
Roly-poly fish heads,
Fish heads, fish heads,
Eat them up. Yum!

[EpeeConvert]

I aint happy
I'm feeling glad
I got sunshine
in a bag
I'm useless
but not for long
the future is coming on

[dunastor]

Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
It's not warm when she's away
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
She's gone much too long
Any time she goes away

[EpeeConvert]

(Sorry for the size but the everyone should see their horoscope)
Aquarius
There's travel in your future when your tongue freezes to the back of a speeding bus
Fill that void in your life by playing Whack-A-Mole seventeen hours a day

Pisces
Try to avoid any Virgos or Leos with the Ebola virus
You are the tru Lord of the Dance, no matter what those idiots at work say

Aries
The look on your face will be priceless when you find that forty pound watermelon in your colon
Trade toothbrushes with an albino dwarf, then give a hickey to Meryl Streep

Taurus
You will never find tru happiness - what you gonna do, cry about it?
The stars predict tomorrow you'll wake up, do a bunch of stuff, and then go back to sleep

Gemini
Your birthday party will be ruined once again by your explosive flatulence
Your love life will run into trouble when your fiance hurls a javelin through your chest

Cancer
The position of Jupiter says you should spend the rest of the week face down in the mud
Try not to shove a roll of duct tape up your nose while taking your driver's test

Leo
Now is not a good time to photocopy your butt and staple it to your boss's face, oh no
Eat a bucket of tuna-flavored pudding, then wash it down with a gallon of strawberry Quik

Virgo
All Virgos are extremely friendly and intelligent - except for you
Expect a big surprise today when you wind up with your head impaled on a stick

Libra
A big promotion is just around the corner for someone much more talented that you
Laughter is the very best medicine, remember that when your appendix bursts next week

Scorpio
Get ready for an unexpected trip when you call screaming from an open window
Work a little harder on improving your low self-esteem, you stupid freak

Sagittarius
All your friends are laughing behind your back (kill them)
Take down all those naked pictures of Ernest Borgnine you've got hanging in your den

Capricorn
The stars say that you're an exciting and wonderful person, but you know they're lying
If I were you, I's lock my doors and windows and never never never never never leave my house again

[swordwench]

(Since I'm a Capricorn...)

The Dark Lord rides in force tonight
And time will tell us all.
Oh, throw down your plow and hoe,
Rest not to lock your homes.
Side by side we wait the might
Of the darkest of them all.

[dunastor]

(I resent being compared to the Lord of the Dance... )

[Westley]

(This is technically not a song. So screw me. I was going to post the LOTR ring poem, but in so doing found this and fell in love.)

The Road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
And I must follow, if I can,
Pursuing it with eager/weary feet,
Until it joins some larger way
Where many paths and errands meet.
And whither then? I cannot say.

The Road goes ever on and on
Out from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
Let others follw it who can!
Let them a journey new begin,
But I at last with weary feet
Will turn towards the lighted inn,
My evening-rest and sleep to meet.

Still round the corner there may wait
A new road or a secret gate;
And though I oft have passed them by,
A day will come at last when I
Shall take the hidden paths that run
West of the Moon, East of the Sun.

[ThatReallyHurt]

The sucker signs
The deed is done
Time for me to get back on the road.
A lonely man
Out on the land
Where the wind can blow so cold.
I ride into the setting sun
With the knowledge of a job well done
But I can't rest until everyone
Has become properly insured...

[Army Fencer]

And if I catch you coming back my way, I'm gonna send it to you
And that ain't what you want to hear, but that's what I'll do

And the feeling coming in my bones says wander home.

[lochinvar]

They say opposites attract, but I don't agree--
I want a woman just as tacky as me!

I like my women just a little on the trashy side...

[swordwench]

She was a fast machine
She kept her motor clean
She was the best damn woman that I ever seen
She has the sightless eyes
Tellin' me no lies
And knockin' me out with those American (fencer's?) thighs

[Army Fencer]

American woman
Stay away from me
American woman
Momma, let me be

"American Woman," by the Guess Who

[ThatReallyHurt]

Momma don't let your babies grow up to be cowboys
Don't let them pick guitars and drive those old trucks
Make them be doctors and lawyers and such
Mommo don't let your babies grow up to be cowboys
They'll never stay home and they're always alone
Even with someone they love

[Araznal]

Cry baby cry
Make your mother sigh
She's old enough to know better
So cry baby cry

The king of Marigold
Was in the kitchen
Cooking breakfast for the queen
The queen was in the parlour
Playing piano for the children of the king

[ThatReallyHurt]

Sing us a song, you're the piano man
Sing us a song tonight
Well, we're all in the mood for a melody
And you've got us feeling alright

[Araznal]

What would you think if I sang out of tune?
Would you stand up and walk out on me?
Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song
And I'll try not to sing out of key.
Oh... (you know the rest)

[swordwench]

These boots are made for walking
And that's just what they'll do
One of these days these boots are gonna
Walk all over you