What Makes A Man A Man?

[Soldier]

In response to eskreemr's question, followed by Nusy's interest, here are my thoughts on what makes a man, a man. Anybody else's thoughts? Agree? Disagree?

_______________________________________

Integrity, service, and excellence. The Air Force core values, I think not by coincidence – because they are also the things that make a man a man.

A man keeps his word; this is the simplest meaning of integrity. You can trust him to do (or at least try to do) what he says he will. This includes commitment – not just to relationships or other people, but to tasks.

Integrity also means to oneself. A man knows what he is capable of…but can also admit his weaknesses. He has to be able to. If he can’t, if he lies to himself about a weakness, then how can he ever improve? The first step, as they seem to say, is recognizing that there is a problem. Integrity also means knowing when to ask for help – because no man can do it all himself.

Besides specific weaknesses, he has to be honest about his limits – this is a matter of safety, really. The physical side of this is obvious; males get hurt when they forget to be men and try to pretend to be invincible. But it also applies emotionally, spiritually, psychologically. A man must admit when he is not ready for something – perhaps a commitment he would not be able to hold, perhaps a challenge he simply could not yet stomach. If he tries to “tough it out”, people will be hurt in the end.

Finally, a more common definition of integrity – “doing what’s right even when nobody’s looking”. People always speed on the backroads, and always slow down when they have reason to believe a policeman’s around. “It’s only wrong if you get caught” is something far too many people say about far too many actions. No man cheats on a woman, whether he thinks he will get caught or not. No man cheats in a sport, or any other kind of contest or competition, no matter whether he could possibly be caught. It doesn’t even matter if nobody else cares. No man strikes a woman or child, no matter if it’s behind closed doors. If the wallet on the ground has a thousand dollars in it, it does not matter whether anybody else is looking, you leave the money in the wallet. Integrity is a trait like any other, born of habit. It isn’t what a man does or doesn’t do once or twice; it is what he does every day, in the little things. It isn’t the wallet with a thousand dollars that one time, it’s the extra change they give him at the cash register and the cup of coffee they forgot to charge him for at the restaurant. These are some of the little everyday things that let a man decide whether or not he’s going to have integrity – whether or not he will, in fact, be a man. It isn’t just that he’s never slept with a woman besides his wife, it’s what he thinks when he sees that pretty waitress.

Service is pretty straight-forward. Any male, any guy, can take care of himself pretty well. It isn’t too terribly hard to live comfortably these days. But a man takes care of others, too. Maybe he doesn’t tithe to the local church. But he sees the friend in need. He talks to the distressed friend when he would much rather be doing something else. He makes sure that his family is cared for not just materially, but emotionally and spiritually and psychologically. Perhaps he even passes on that promotion so that he doesn’t uproot his family in a move. Maybe he works less, and so gets less recognition, so that he can be with his family more. Or maybe he works harder, when he would rather be relaxing, to provide for them better.

Again, this is a habit, not just a few actions. It is playing with the children at night when he’d much rather just go to bed after such a long day at work. It’s not just telling a friend “sure, I’m here whenever you need.” It’s taking the initiative and going and talking to that friend, demonstrating that support that is rarely believed in words.

At its base, service is a man not being his own god – working to better others before himself.

Finally, excellence. A man must have integrity, and so admit to himself his weaknesses and limitations. But what good is that if he deems everything beyond his limitations, or does nothing to change his weaknesses? Any male can simply live his life through, grow old and grey and round, and slip downward into age. But a man strengthens himself – physically, emotionally, psychologically, spiritually. He recognizes and admits his limitations and weaknesses – then seeks to expand his limits, and destroy his weaknesses. Because the more he is able to do, the more he can do for others. A jobless man cannot give money to the needy, an incompetent and ignorant man cannot get a job, an insecure man cannot support his family emotionally, a man of weak will cannot stand up to the tests of integrity, a weak and frail man cannot play with his children when he is tired. The stronger a man is, in any or every aspect, the less he needs to care about himself. The less he needs to care for himself, the more he can care for others.

This, then, is what makes a man a man: Integrity to himself and others, putting others before himself, and doing these to the best of his ability.

[Inquartata]

A chromosome.

[rmyounis]

What makes a woman?

[Inquartata]

Flattery and alcohol?

[swordwench]

The ability to walk in stilletto heels and wear clothes that zip up the back (not counting intro-level fencing jackets), and put on make-up while driving at high speeds.

Not that I've ever done *any* of those things.

[howtobrew]

Originally Posted by Soldier

In response to eskreemr's question, followed by Nusy's interest, here are my thoughts on what makes a man, a man. Anybody else's thoughts? Agree? Disagree?

The ability of selective memory.
The ability of selective hearing.
The ability to channel surf.
The ability to not sweat the small stuff.
And there are more, but I forget.

Oh yeah. We can bait our own hook. consistently.

[keith]

here is the details of what makes a man a man;

[armataforte]

Originally Posted by swordwench

The ability to walk in stilletto heels and wear clothes that zip up the back (not counting intro-level fencing jackets), and put on make-up while driving at high speeds.

Not that I've ever done *any* of those things.

This is so true!!! extremely well put in a concise manner undefined

[swordwench]

I would have added our ability to achieve mutiple orgasms, but then all you guys would have been so envious you'd never put down the toilet seat.

[howtobrew]

Originally Posted by swordwench

I would have added our ability to achieve mutiple orgasms, but then all you guys would have been so envious you'd never put down the toilet seat.

No, no, I really relish those in a woman. Nothing can turn a bad day around better than that!

[Dave]

I think that Kipling said it best

"If"

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!

By Rudyard Kipling (1865-1936).

that and leaving the toilet seat up.

[ThatReallyHurt]

What makes a man a man? Well, all of the above posts are good points. However, what makes a man a real man is baldness of some sort. Anything from a widow's peak to the old friar tuck look to flash-down-an-airplane bald.

Yep, there's nothing that says "I'm manly" more than thinning or missing hair. Oh, and you've got to be comfortable with it, too - no spray on or really bad toupees.

[mrbiggs]

Here's a link to a song, involving a band pondering the issue.

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/thechins.html

[InweCiryatan]

Originally Posted by ThatReallyHurt

What makes a man a man? Well, all of the above posts are good points. However, what makes a man a real man is baldness of some sort. Anything from a widow's peak to the old friar tuck look to flash-down-an-airplane bald.

Yep, there's nothing that says "I'm manly" more than thinning or missing hair. Oh, and you've got to be comfortable with it, too - no spray on or really bad toupees.

Is it just me, or does it sound like someone is trying to justify something? Hmmm?

[swordwench]

Originally Posted by InweCiryatan

Is it just me, or does it sound like someone is trying to justify something? Hmmm?

No, no, sweetie... from Jean-Luc Picard (the original alt.sexybaldcaptains), to Agent Skinner on the X-Files, to Vin Diesel - bald *can* be sexy.

[Go? Fencing?]

Originally Posted by ThatReallyHurt

What makes a man a man? Well, all of the above posts are good points. However, what makes a man a real man is baldness of some sort. Anything from a widow's peak to the old friar tuck look to flash-down-an-airplane bald.

Yep, there's nothing that says "I'm manly" more than thinning or missing hair. Oh, and you've got to be comfortable with it, too - no spray on or really bad toupees.

Don't forget fencing-pattern baldness- hair on the sides and lower back, but bald where the tongue of the mask slides on and off!

[latenight]

It all sounds ducky but this:

At its base, service is a man not being his own god – working to better others before himself.


Really makes no sense, one does not exclude the other

[InweCiryatan]

Originally Posted by swordwench

No, no, sweetie... from Jean-Luc Picard (the original alt.sexybaldcaptains), to Agent Skinner on the X-Files, to Vin Diesel - bald *can* be sexy.

lol, I know, I was kidding. That's how it always strikes me when people use it though.

[rmyounis]

Do you think getting married and starting a family is necessary to really "grow up"? I feel like that used to be one of the things a person had to do to be considered a full adult.

[Soldier]

Originally Posted by latenight

It all sounds ducky but this:

At its base, service is a man not being his own god – working to better others before himself.


Really makes no sense, one does not exclude the other

Well, I just whipped that up in about half an hour of thoughts straight off the top of my head. Were I to think about it for much longer, I may well agree with you.