Everybody's Free.

[Zilverzmurfen]

I'm not sure if this has already been posted over at this forum before, but I think not.

I just think this is too great not to share!
Lyrics by Asphalt. I hope he won't mind me posting...

Enjoy!

Everybody's Free
To the tune of Baz Luhrmann’s "Everybody’s Free (to wear sunscreen)"

Ladies and gentlemen of the millennium.
Fence.

If we could offer you only one tip for improving your life, fencing would be it.
The long term benefits have been proven by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice you can put down to alcohol and too many blows to the head.
I will dispense this advise now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your body; if you don’t already: you can fully enjoy it by doing an unexpected fleche and catch your opponent totally off guard.

Trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of you and your pals flying up and down the piste and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much fun you had and how fabulous you really looked in those tight white trousers.
Fencing is as sexy as you imagine.

Sing into your mask. Use mouthwash first.
Don’t be reckless with other people’s kit. Don’t put up with people who mess with yours…in fact, beat them with a whippy stick.

Fence fast.
Don’t waste your money on fancy lamés or paintjobs, spend it on competitions or partying.

Sometimes you’re fast, sometimes your slow, sometimes you’re hungover.
Competitions can be long, always take a packed lunch and some Red Bull.
Remember the good hits you’ve had, forget the cuts and bruises: try to wear out your blades before your jackets…
If you succeed in doing this tell us how.

Keep your blades clean.
Take chances.
Don’t feel guilty if you win too easily.
Get plenty of piste time.
Be kind to everyone who carries a sword.

Maybe you’ll win, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have surgery, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll get beaten by the newest kid in the club, maybe you’ll get a brand new maraging blade on your 90th birthday…however you fence don’t congratulate yourself too much – your choices are 90 foreign, 10 domestic, so are everyone elses.

Enjoy your body, use it every way you can.
Fleche.
Get to know your opponents, you never know when they’re gonna learn something new.
Understand that coaches come and coaches go, but for the precious talented few you should pay them well and in beer.

Do obscure movements.
Accept certain inalienable truths: prices will go up, traffic will get worse, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasise that when you were young, kit was cheap, nobody could beat you and that foilists were all yuppies.

Flunge.
Be careful what kit you buy, but be patient with those who supply it.
Second hand stuff is a way of pulling stuff out of a dustbin, degreasing it, rubbing of the rusty parts and dumping more money into it than its worth…

But trust me on the fencing.

[ThatReallyHurt]

Funny, appropriate, and oh so true, eh?

[Zelda]

Thanks ZZ, I needed that to give me some perspective.

[Asphalt]

i have way too much time on my hands...
enjoy

[VELISARIOS]

It is cool enough.