The FIE would prepare in secret a new arm to increase the penetration of fencing on TV screens

[Swiss Zorro]

A dispatch from ASP (Swiss Press Agency) :

The FIE would prepare in secret a new arm to increase the penetration
of fencing on TV screens.

The foil semi-final at the Olympics Games in Athens was a revelation
for Mr STONEHEAD president of the FIE :
the popular and mediatic success which followed the fight between
Brice GRANDART,
future Olympic Champion and the Italian CASSARATATA was never seen
before :
brillant shots (and among them his famous and popular flicks) from the
Italian
who leaded 12 to 7 before the French develops a magnificient offensive
game
to come back and finally win by 15 to 14.


So, the Foil, this confidential sport reserved to an intellectual
aristocracy and dominated by the mysterious community of the "Maîtres
d'Armes"
could please the masses as it was and even television could be
interested
by it at another moment that the medal counting.


"This is not surprising", says Patrice LAUBERGISTE, former foil team
Olympic Champion :
"Foil is an arm which is based on attacking and defensing with
priority to attack,
full of creativity and subtle exchanges"


Reforms should be undertaken as soon as possible to take advantage of
this good
event which would permit to the officials and maybe to the foilists to
make good money.


At the same time, Mr STONEHEAD was afraid : the matches were so
intense and full of suspense
that, due to increasing obesity and inactiveness of the mean tv
watcher, could
provoke many heart diseases and suing against the FIE.


A commission of high level sport consultants was hired at once.

The conclusions of the commission came soon :


- foil matches do not last long enough and do not pause enough to
allow
advertising breaks and give time to the tv watchers to get themselves
a good beer


- seeing two lamps light at the same time and waiting for the decision
of the referee
is above the intellectual level of the median tv viewer not speaking
of the colour-blind
people



- to train enough competent referees would not be realistic if the
success of this
new arm was confirmed. Solutions must be found to simplify refereeing
even
at the cost of perverting the spirit of Foil. However the end of
subtlety in foil
will permit to athlets with more legs than head to join.


- the great physical intensity of Foil does not contribute to model
the bodies
of the fencers to current beauty standards which have a great success
as
confirmed by the avent of beach volley


- as proved by the success of beach volley, it is necessary that the
fencers show
their bodies. In a first step, plexiglass masks will show the faces.


- the next step will be a transparent suit currently developed by
Bailleur which
will allow fencers (male and female) to fight in bath suits (and
preferably
strings).
However this new transparent textile do not resist to flicks, so
flicks
will have to be made impossible by invoking other reasons.

The name of this new arm is not known yet. It coule be Flepee but more
probably Foilepee to be better accepted by the English and Chinese
speaking
people.


Study realized by Ian Bomber

----------------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------------
This is hoax. All similarity with reality is pure coincidence.
You can nevertheless transmit it as widely as possible otherwise
you will fall asleep the next time you assist to a Foil competition

[Safir]

really ?
Swiss Zorro wrote:
> A dispatch from ASP (Swiss Press Agency) :
>
> The FIE would prepare in secret a new arm to increase the
penetration
> of fencing on TV screens.
>
> The foil semi-final at the Olympics Games in Athens was a
revelation
> for Mr STONEHEAD president of the FIE :
> the popular and mediatic success which followed the fight
between
> Brice GRANDART,
> future Olympic Champion and the Italian CASSARATATA was never
seen
> before :
> brillant shots (and among them his famous and popular flicks)
from the
> Italian
> who leaded 12 to 7 before the French develops a magnificient
offensive
> game
> to come back and finally win by 15 to 14.
>
>
> So, the Foil, this confidential sport reserved to an
intellectual
> aristocracy and dominated by the mysterious community of the
"Maîtres
> d'Armes"
> could please the masses as it was and even television could be
> interested
> by it at another moment that the medal counting.
>
>
> "This is not surprising", says Patrice LAUBERGISTE, former foil
team
> Olympic Champion :
> "Foil is an arm which is based on attacking and defensing with
> priority to attack,
> full of creativity and subtle exchanges"
>
>
> Reforms should be undertaken as soon as possible to take
advantage of
> this good
> event which would permit to the officials and maybe to the
foilists to
> make good money.
>
>
> At the same time, Mr STONEHEAD was afraid : the matches were so
> intense and full of suspense
> that, due to increasing obesity and inactiveness of the mean tv
> watcher, could
> provoke many heart diseases and suing against the FIE.
>
>
> A commission of high level sport consultants was hired at once.
>
> The conclusions of the commission came soon :
>
>
> - foil matches do not last long enough and do not pause enough
to
> allow
> advertising breaks and give time to the tv watchers to get
themselves
> a good beer
>
>
> - seeing two lamps light at the same time and waiting for the
decision
> of the referee
> is above the intellectual level of the median tv viewer not
speaking
> of the colour-blind
> people
>
>
>
> - to train enough competent referees would not be realistic if
the
> success of this
> new arm was confirmed. Solutions must be found to simplify
refereeing
> even
> at the cost of perverting the spirit of Foil. However the end
of
> subtlety in foil
> will permit to athlets with more legs than head to join.
>
>
> - the great physical intensity of Foil does not contribute to
model
> the bodies
> of the fencers to current beauty standards which have a great
success
> as
> confirmed by the avent of beach volley
>
>
> - as proved by the success of beach volley, it is necessary
that the
> fencers show
> their bodies. In a first step, plexiglass masks will show the
faces.
>
>
> - the next step will be a transparent suit currently developed
by
> Bailleur which
> will allow fencers (male and female) to fight in bath suits
(and
> preferably
> strings).
> However this new transparent textile do not resist to flicks,
so
> flicks
> will have to be made impossible by invoking other reasons.
>
> The name of this new arm is not known yet. It coule be Flepee
but more
> probably Foilepee to be better accepted by the English and
Chinese
> speaking
> people.
>
>
> Study realized by Ian Bomber
>
>
----------------------------------------------------------------------
> -------------------------
> This is hoax. All similarity with reality is pure coincidence.
> You can nevertheless transmit it as widely as possible
otherwise
> you will fall asleep the next time you assist to a Foil
competition
>
>
>
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> end

[reposte]

I'm secretly preparing a new FIE.