Canada Sucks

[ThatReallyHurt]

Soon, there will be no difference between American and Canadian beer. Won't that be Paradise?

You may be able to sneak over the border by hiding in an empty 72 or 96 pack of beer... there's your way out!

[Zilverzmurfen]

Soon, there will be no difference between American and Canadian beer. Won't that be Paradise?

Aaaaah...ha ha ha...er...*ahem*... Ok, it was nothing really. Sorry!

[Inquartata]

Actually Canadians own as many guns per capita as Americans. We just don't shoot each other with them.

Only because by the time you manage to doff your mittens, unzip your parkas, fumble aside your 8 sweaters and 3 shirts to get to your guns, you have frozen stiff....

[jBirch]

That reminds me - there's very little outdoor swimming here in the winter.

They call it hockey...

[ThatReallyHurt]

Only because by the time you manage to doff your mittens, unzip your parkas, fumble aside your 8 sweaters and 3 shirts to get to your guns, you have frozen stiff....

Yeah, and when it's really cold, you can get your tongue stuck to your gun. Now THAT sucks...

[jBirch]

Dude, that last was classic.

*ahem*

And that's not to mention the lack of ammunition left from hunting beaver all day.

Really, Canada is truly a vile place. Just think how embarrassed you'd be to go buy ammunition from a Tire store and find out that your calibre is too large for the clerk (.22) and that she needs you to prove that you can handle the extra firepower. I mean, talk about a bastion of Fascism!

[Epee_Pox]

I just read that the US gets more oil from strip mines in Alberta than from the Middle East.

What I want to know is 2 things. 1, the obvious, is when do we invade?

But 2: strip mines ?!

[ducdequenelles]

I have had mixed experiences in Canada, good and bad. I have been to parts of Canada that are nice, with lots of good places to hang out and friendly people and all. I have been to other parts of Canada where the natives have been, for the most part, stuck-up jerks (*cough* Quebec *cough*). So I can't speak French very fluently, you don't have to humiliate me everywhere I go. All in all, Canada's not much to see. I could have more fun just driving down to NYC or Boston.

[jBirch]

I just read that the US gets more oil from strip mines in Alberta than from the Middle East.

What I want to know is 2 things. 1, the obvious, is when do we invade?

But 2: strip mines ?!

Alberta Tar Sands. Pretty cool technology that. Here's some info: Link

However, it's pretty vile stuff, this Alberta Oil. More like dirty sand left over from the Exxon Valdez. Can't do anything with it except replace the blubber candles in our Igloos. We pull it out with slave labour. No reason to invade. We'll sell you, heck we'll even GIVE you, as much as you need. No reason for any Americans to come up here. It's all dirty mud and frozen coffee.

[jBirch]

I have had mixed experiences in Canada, good and bad. I have been to parts of Canada that are nice, with lots of good places to hang out and friendly people and all. I have been to other parts of Canada where the natives have been, for the most part, stuck-up jerks (*cough* Quebec *cough*). So I can't speak French very fluently, you don't have to humiliate me everywhere I go. All in all, Canada's not much to see. I could have more fun just driving down to NYC or Boston.

Exactly. See? Even your education system is better then ours. At least you KNOW that there is no reason to stay here. We're still learning.

[lochinvar]

...find out that your calibre is too large for the clerk...and that she needs you to prove that you can handle the extra firepower.

Actually, I get this reaction quite often from women.

[Point_Left]

That reminds me - there's very little outdoor swimming here in the winter.

At least the snow in the pool helps to fill it come construction season. (Or "spring and summer" if you live in a warmer climate.)

We have two seasons in Canada. In winter, the traffic is bad due to weather. The other season is "construction." The traffic is bad because...(guess!)

Actually, it is fairly nice (weather wise) right now. The ice is actually melting. Of course, it will get cold enough to freeze all the roads into skating rinks. When it gts to this state it is safer to walk. Unless it is cold. Then you have to wear enough layers so that you CAN'T walk. Ah, well. It acts as padding when you fall on the ice. And it lowers our crime rate. Mugging? Well, beating someone through that many layers is kinda counter productive...

Heck, even illegal immigrants are only here as a stop over to the States.

[Larrison]

I just read that the US gets more oil from strip mines in Alberta than from the Middle East.

What I want to know is 2 things. 1, the obvious, is when do we invade?

But 2: strip mines ?!

Dude! The exact stat is "more oil is imported from Alberta Tar Sands than Saudi Arabia", if you look it up. But man, its like we trade them coal to keep their Igloos warm for that nasty tar sands stuff... I mean, like blubber for dinner? Like for sure! Gnarly to the max...

*Coughing* Invade? No man.. Just like don't tell anyone, like you know? Its a leveraged buyout.. and then just when they think they're closing the deal all the McDonalds up there are going to like foreclose or something on their burger bills.. Dig it?

[Point_Left]

Dude! The exact stat is "more oil is imported from Alberta Tar Sands than Saudi Arabia", if you look it up. But man, its like we trade them coal to keep their Igloos warm for that nasty tar sands stuff... I mean, like blubber for dinner? Like for sure! Gnarly to the max...

*Coughing* Invade? No man.. Just like don't tell anyone, like you know? Its a leveraged buyout.. and then just when they think they're closing the deal all the McDonalds up there are going to like foreclose or something on their burger bills.. Dig it?

You don't want to keep the igloo warm. Besides, we have lots of coal.

Aha! Your nefarious (sp?) plot is revealed to all! I'd noticed these things happening. Buying Molson's, and Tim's, and other Canadian icons! Well it won't work! Unless you threaten to withold hot chocolate. Then we'd freeze. Just a second. Have you added something to our hot chocolate to make it addictive? I must be alert. I must be aware. I must have some hot chocolate. I will never surrender!

I need sleep. Or less caffine. Perhaps both.

[cornflower]

I have been to other parts of Canada where the natives have been, for the most part, stuck-up jerks (*cough* Quebec *cough*). So I can't speak French very fluently, you don't have to humiliate me everywhere I go.

Stuck-up jerks. NO SH*T. Most of the french-canadian guys I've met were JERKS.

[Point_Left]

Stuck-up jerks. NO SH*T. Most of the french-canadian guys I've met were JERKS.

Oh, shoot. That is where I'm working this summer. Was everybody horrible? What part of Quebec?

[cornflower]

I've never been to Quebec. Thank GOD. I've only been to Ontario, and I've met a few French-Canadian men on the job... they snubbed me horribly and acted uberly jerky. Grrr.

[Westley]

How? It's not like they can say mean things to you.

[Epee_Pox]

I actually thought folks in Quebec were really nice, so long as I didn't try to speak Fronch. ("And to drink... Peru!")

Granted, I've only ever been to its northern hills, not to the cities, so maybe that explains it.

[lochinvar]

Aha! Your nefarious (sp?) plot is revealed to all! I'd noticed these things happening. Buying Molson's, and Tim's, and other Canadian icons! Well it won't work! Unless you threaten to withold hot chocolate. Then we'd freeze. Just a second. Have you added something to our hot chocolate to make it addictive? I must be alert. I must be aware. I must have some hot chocolate. I will never surrender!

I need sleep. Or less caffine. Perhaps both.

Dude...what did you think the NAFTA was for?