Predicting The Future Game

[Tazz]

Predict the future of the poster above you

[fencerontheline]

Will live a normal, boring life of epee fencing and will eventually retire to the midwest and become a Quaker.

[mrbiggs]

fencerontheline will live a normal, boring life of epee fencing and will eventually retire to the midwest and become a Quaker.

Will, in a surprise turn of events, become one of the first professional U.S. fencing coaches as fencing gains in popularity. Unfortunately, a late night with a stripper causes him to contract AIDS, which kills him at age 40. Meanwhile, the AIDS virus spreads through the world, leaving less than half the population unscathed.

[Army Fencer]

Mr. Biggs was a fine man, but became so only after a very troubled past.

In college, he was the star athlete of the Walden fencing team and the favorite plege of alpha-sigma-sigma fratunity. That was until his life became overtaken by the "gate-way" game of Snood. He played and played, and then got involved in more addictive games: Tetris, BeJeweled, and Mario-Cart. He stopped everything else in his life, barely leaving his room to eat, let alone shower. His grades dropped. He quit the fencing team. He eventually flunked out of Walden, but stayed at the alpha-sigma-sigma house, because his parents had disowened him at this point.

But one night, in the middle of Minesweep, he realized a higher level of human enlightenment. He realized his life was meaningless, and more meaningless than most. So he left Walden for India, and where became a Dali-lama. He became a great, wise teacher of many things, both etheral and supernatural.

In the middle of one of his teachings, he noticed that one of his disciples was unsurpassed in beauty and grace. And thus, he gained his second great enlightenment when he gazed on Cornflower's face. He left his Bhuddist monasty the next day with his Cornflower in hand, and they traveled back to the United States. They married in Las Vegas at the end of the week.

They settled in Seattle, where Mr. Biggs got a high paying job marketing mindless games like Snood and Minesweep. The rest of his life was rather boring, but he got to play cheap, mindless games for a living without his wife or mother bugging him about it.

He is survived by Cornflower Biggs, his six doting children, and his favorite pet goldfish.

[FoilyGeezer]

Will leave fencing for a promising career as the "wunderkind" of a high level government think-tank. Having developed a comprehensive economic forecasting tool based on arcane formulae which are largely predicated on the intelligebility of pop music lyrics and inverse length of celebrity marriages. He will become renown for uttering at the 2006 DITD "What happens in Vegas is repeched in Vegas". Army Fencer will be trampled to death after being recognized at an L.A. rave, but not before stabbing J Lo in the boonkie with an epee proving that yes, those really were implants.

[Tazz]

Foily Geezer will become an inventor and invent a time machine. He'll travel into the past and join the beatles. Then he'll marry Marylin MOnroe and bring her back to the future where they'll be hapilly married. They'll start a production company together and be very rich, famous and happy. They'll have a daugther, Honeybrittle, and she'll grow up to be a very very troubled teen. Oneday, when FG and his wife are both 76 they'll be walking in an open field when a aircraft loses control and crashes into them, killing them both instantly.

[HillBilly]

Tazz will marry a stock market broker, wh ends up killing their dog. The dogs ghost will eventually come back and bite off Tazz's husband's head, thus killing him. Tazz will live happily ever after.

[fencerontheline]

Hill Billy will marry a horse and ride it to california, where he'll get arrested for being married to a horse. He'll spend years and years in jail, being used as currancy, all while longing for the touch of his horse lover... then, after a small revolution in which the horseyophiles (a sect of horse worshippers) take control of California, he'll be liberated and enshrined as the first man to openly confess his virile love of horses. He'll live with his chestnut beauty till they both get too old and converted to glue.

[HillBilly]

fencerontheline will never marry, but instead will have a partnership with a male stripper by the name of Hans Gutenflabben. FOTL will then be converted to the NMSSOA (national male stripper society of Ameica). He will get shot by a right wing nut for having relations with Hans, though Hans and FOTL have never touched each other.

[FoilyGeezer]

HillBilly after a long and rewarding career as the one and only Elvish Elvis impersonnator will undergo a sex change operation with the intention of becoming HillBelle-ey but on the way to the Swedish clinic will be distracted by ZilverZmurfen and lured into a back alley where he/she will be ravaged by a roving pack of mimes.

[fencerontheline]

FG will find love in all the wrong places, using his dashing good looks and charming uncultured nature, and eventually end up with a very lucrative career as a male hooker with a heart of gold. Then he's gonna retire, after Winnona Rider takes him under her arm and forcefully makes him into a man of culture. he'll live on as a happy man.

[Tazz]

FOTL will become a medical miracle when he's infected by a deadly bacteria, which fails to kill him. Instead he developes strange powers, and becomes. . . BACTERIA MAN!!!!!!!! His powers include defying gravity, shrinking or growing to any size and spitting out poisonious bacteria instantly killing the victim. He will become dedicated to saving the lives of innocents, but will always be hated and known as a freak. Oneday, when trying to save a old man, he'll accidently trip and fall off a building, killing himself.

[FoilyGeezer]

Upon graduation, Tazz will travel to Nebraska where she will begin a fulfilling decade as a financial consultant, suplimenting her income by pole dancing. After having been spotted by a Hollywood Casting Director she will travel to Shiner Texas where she'll change her name to "Ma Buckets" and will begin running a ponzi scheme on Ebay. After having grifted thousands of people in PA out of hundreds of dollars she'll be taken out one morning while crossing the street to the brewery in a surprise hit by the Amish Mafia. Despondent, FOTL having heard of her untimely demise will call up HillBilly and Mr. Big who will form a power trio called "Tip Tape" and tour Europe where they will sell "Tons of CDs" but not enough to attract the attention of any major record company.

[D'Artag-NOT]

FoilyGeezer will dedicate his life to having Titanium Spork fencing accepted by the FIE and the IOC. Despite stiff initial resistance, the sport fencing community embraces the Titanium Spork when a rumor spreads on Fencing.net that both the SCA and Nick Evangelista oppose it (because of the SCA and NE oppose it, then it must be cool).

FG eventually becomes the Titanium Spork champion of the world. Such is the attraction of the Titanium Spork, and of FG personally, that sabre fencing and epee eventually wither away and are dropped from the Olympic Games. FG corners the market for Titanium Spork weapons and gear, thereby making enough money to buy and sell Bill Gates ten times over--which he does.

Craig eventually turns Fencing.net over to FoilyGeezer because the incessant sniping between foilists and Titanium Spork fencers is more than even he can stand.

[LUDICROUS]

D'artag will become the Churchill of US fencing, constantly drinking, making bulldog speeches defying the FIE and smoking cigars. He will eventually marry Kerry's daughter and convert her to republicanism, thus turning Kerry himself insane. Kerry's party gains control of a nuclear stockpile and detroys the USA. Thus, D'artag-NOT is the bane of the USA, and the reason China will conquer the world in 2020.

[D'Artag-NOT]

D'artag will become the Churchill of US fencing, constantly drinking, making bulldog speeches defying the FIE and smoking cigars. He will eventually marry Kerry's daughter and convert her to republicanism, thus turning Kerry himself insane. Kerry's party gains control of a nuclear stockpile and detroys the USA. Thus, D'artag-NOT is the bane of the USA, and the reason China will conquer the world in 2020.

You forgot the part where I have the sex change operation. (In my present gender, I'd have to court Dick Cheney's daughter.)

[Tazz]

Ludicrous will get a degree in archeology, and set off to Egypt., where he/she will discover the ancient burial of an unknown pharoah. Ludicrous will enter the tomb, despite the warnings written on the tomb door saying: All that enter here shall face mortal peril. Inside the tomb Ludicrous find finds great treasures, and his discovery makes him rich and famous. He is offered a possision as a lecturer at a top university in the US, which he accepts. Oneday while gambling, he meets Pamela Anderson and its love at first sight. They get married the next morning in Las Vegas. To everyone's surprise, they turn out to be quite happy together. Two years later, Ludicrous dies unexpectedly. Doctors can't figure out what killed him. Rumour has it that it was the ancient egyptian curse.

[Army Fencer]

Tazz gets killed next weekend when one of her classmates, drunk on eggnog, runs her over.

The US government, who has been watching her for many years because of her uncanny brilliance, takes her brain and cyrogenically preserves it. Twenty years later, they thaw it out and place it into catwomen's body. The government intends to use their new lethal weapon to finally get rid of Osama Bin Laden, but when Tazz is released, she hunts down her murderer instead.

Tazz follows her murderer for three years, playing mind-games with him while remaining completely unseen. This tips his fragile mind over the edge, so he kills himself with a bottle of Jim Bean and a few tablets of tylenol.

In the three years that Tazz has been stalking him like a cat, she discovers that her classmates was indeed an Al Qaeda operative. So Tazz/catwoman flies off to what is now Iraqnastan, and roots out Osama. Tazz presents herself to Osama in her tight leather glory, and he, realizing he saw more of a woman than any unmarried Moslim ought, runs back to his cave, crying, "Mommy!" An old shell in the cave explodes, Osama dies, and the Al Qaeda network is completely overthrown.

President Jenna Bush hangs the ill-fated "Mission Accomplished" poster up in her oval office, but gives no credit to Tazz.

Which is fine with Tazz.

[D+F+P=Hadouken!]

army fencer will open a salle, and train a line of very successful fencers. He will die from a headache.

[D'Artag-NOT]

D+F+P=Hadouken! organizes the first FIE Babe-A-Licious fencing competition, which draws unbelievably gorgeous fencing femmes from all over the world. After a week of rigorous competition that makes the Olympic Games look like a Leisure World Nerf fencing tournament, the best and most babe-a-licious female fencer in the world emerges. DFP=H! immediately proposes that they, you know, hang out and maybe, you know, do it?

Whereupon--her brother shows up, shaking with rage at this insult to his sister, and challenges D+F+P=H! to a duel with the weapon of his choice. DFB, thrilled that someone is finally taking his repeated offers to duel seriously, selects his best and favorite weapon. As they face off, the brother lifts his sword, smiles, and says:

"Hello! My name is Inigo Montoya! You dissed my sister--prepare to die."

Alas for D+F+B=H! . . .

Edited to correct the spelling of DFB=H!'s name--the least I can do, in loving memory.