12-14-2004, 11:02 PM
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#1 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: MA
Posts: 7,728
| Jokes
What're your favorite jokes? With all the humerous people here, I'm sure there's a vast collection of funnies just waiting to be posted.
I'll give rep points to any really funny ones.
(Try not to make it sexual or racist, please.)
(If you are offended by sexual or racist jokes, this probably isn't the thread for you. Posters are posters.) | 
| | | And now for this message... |
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12-14-2004, 11:09 PM
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#2 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: None of your Damn buisiness! Or California.
Posts: 2,874
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12-14-2004, 11:12 PM
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#3 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: UK
Posts: 753
| A fella walks into a bar with a steering wheel hanging out of his pants. The barman says "mate you got a steering wheel hanging out your pants." The fella says, "yeah, it's been drivin me nuts all day." | |
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12-15-2004, 02:24 AM
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#4 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Canada
Posts: 495
| "Knock knock"
"Who's there?"
"Control freak....now you say control freak who."
Always liked that one, for some reason.  | |
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12-15-2004, 02:38 AM
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#5 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 6,604
| "Knock knock
Who's there?
Interrupting friction coefficiant!
Interrrupting fric...
MUUUUUUU!"
Also, e^x and a constant function were walking down the street. Both observed a differential operator walking towards them. The constant function fled in terror, fearing negation to zero. E^x kept walking. He walked right up to the differential operator and said, "Hi, I'm E^x." Responded the differential operator, "Hi. I'm A differential operator, with respect to y."
A drum and a set of cymbals fell off a cliff.
Ba-dum crash!
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lol wut?
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12-15-2004, 07:01 AM
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#6 | | Member
Join Date: May 2004 Location: Austin,TX
Posts: 94
| wow E^x jokes..... perhaps we have an engineer in our midst.....
its ok, Im a Physics major....
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Hook 'em
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12-15-2004, 07:02 AM
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#7 | | Member
Join Date: May 2004 Location: Austin,TX
Posts: 94
| oh yeah, the play on interrupting cow is really quite good.
or am i just reaffirming my own dorkiness
p.s. EPEE RULES
P.P.S i may have had a few too many pints tonite.....but its ok, im 21  sorry if i offended anyone
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Hook 'em
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12-15-2004, 08:31 AM
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#8 | | Senior Member
Join Date: May 2004 Location: U.S. of F-ing A.
Posts: 1,926
| zombie baby jokes?? Quote: |
Originally Posted by jokes.com, woohoo What's green, blue, red, and tastes funny?
A zombie baby eating a clown. | kinda lame some of them, but if you think of a little baby.... ew.
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thetheory.tk
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12-15-2004, 10:15 AM
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#9 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Wokingham, Berkshire, England
Posts: 435
| Doctor - Well Mr Jones the results of your tests are back and there is good news and bad news.
Patient - Let me have the bad news first.
Doctor - I am afraid your condition is incurable BUT the good news is they are naming it after you. | |
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12-15-2004, 10:22 AM
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#10 | | Senior Member
Join Date: May 2004 Location: U.S. of F-ing A.
Posts: 1,926
| On a fine sunny day in may, this guy walked into a bar.
*ouch!*
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thetheory.tk
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12-15-2004, 10:23 AM
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#11 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Wokingham, Berkshire, England
Posts: 435
| Sorry Ladies ...
A man comes home and finds the family car in the dining room. 'How did you get the car in the dining room?' he asks his wife. She replies 'It was easy. I made a left turn when I came out of the kitchen.' | |
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12-15-2004, 10:27 AM
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#12 | | Senior Member
Join Date: May 2004 Location: U.S. of F-ing A.
Posts: 1,926
| Three rednecks die in an accident and when they get to Heaven, St. Peter is there at the Pearly Gates. He tells them that since it's the holiday season, in order to get in, they must produce something that they each have in their pockets that represents Christmas.
The first guy digs around in his pants pockets and pulls out a lighter and flicks open a flame. St. Peter asks, "What does that represent?"
The guy says "A candle of hope." And St. Peter lets him in.
The second guy digs around in his pants pockets and pulls out a big tangle of keys and shakes them. St. Peter asks, "What do they represent?"
The man replies, "They're bells." And St. Peter lets him in.
The third guy is digging around his pockets and finally pulls out a pair of red panties, which he proudly displays. St. Peter asks, "Now what does that have to do with Christmas?"
And the guy says, "They're Carol's."
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thetheory.tk
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12-15-2004, 11:18 AM
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#13 | | Senior Member
Join Date: May 2003 Location: Gainesville, FL
Posts: 393
| A termite walks into a tavern and says "Is the bar tender here?"
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If you see my little red rooster, please drag him home
If you see my little red rooster, please drag him home
There ain't no peace in the barnyard,
Since the little red rooster been gone
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12-15-2004, 11:20 AM
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#14 | | Senior Member
Join Date: May 2004 Location: U.S. of F-ing A.
Posts: 1,926
| tavern? 
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thetheory.tk
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12-15-2004, 11:24 AM
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#15 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2000 Location: Gone from fencing.net
Posts: 1,990
| shamelessly stolen from a friend's AIM profile:
Sophisticated Pirate riddles
Q: Whom did the pirate vote for in the Haitian election?
A: ARRRistide.
Q: Wait. Why did they let a pirate vote in the Haitian election?
A: Remember, the nation was taking its first halting steps toward democracy, and balloting procedures were rather chaotic. The pirate just slipped in somehow. Arr
-w | |
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12-15-2004, 11:51 AM
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#16 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: chatooine
Posts: 177
| What starts with F and ends with UCK.
FIRETRUCK
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Every time I look at myself I can't belive how awesome I am.quote strongbad.
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12-15-2004, 11:53 AM
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#17 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: MA
Posts: 7,728
| DOCTOR: Mrs. Smith, I have some very good news for you.
WOMAN: Actually, it's Miss Smith.
DOCTOR: Miss Smith, I'm afraid I have some bad news. | |
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12-15-2004, 01:39 PM
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#18 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: West coast
Posts: 815
| Why can blondes never call the police?
Because they can't find the "11" button.
A ducks walks into a bar and asks, "Got any grapes?"
The bartender, confused, tells the ducks that no, his bar doesn't serve grapes. The duck thanks him and leaves.
The next day, the duck returns and says, "Got any grapes?"
Again, the bartender tells him that, no, the bar does not serve grapes, has never served grapes, and, furthermore, will never serve grapes. The duck, a little ruffled, thanks him and leaves.
The next day, the duck returns, but before he can say anything, the bartender begins to yell: ''Listen, duck! This is a bar! We do not serve grapes! If you ever ask for grapes again, I will nail your stupid duck beak to the bar!''
The duck is silent for a moment, and then asks, ''Got any nails?''
Confused, the bartender says no.
''Good!'' says the duck. ''Got any grapes?''
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"You can honestly say that you can settle for a life full of repression and denial?" "And the dinner parties. You can never forget the dinner parties."
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12-15-2004, 01:42 PM
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#19 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: West coast
Posts: 815
| And Mrbiggs, don't you owe me a rep point for another thread??? 
"Hah! The Pack strikes again!
Rep point to the first person who notices this line. (Just post, and I'll give you it)
And Sabre-Psycho is definately now a member....even though she seems to be dangerously "mature"."
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"You can honestly say that you can settle for a life full of repression and denial?" "And the dinner parties. You can never forget the dinner parties."
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12-15-2004, 02:08 PM
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#20 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: In mid lunge
Posts: 830
| Four baseball fans, each from a major league city, are climbing a mountain.
On the way to the top, each is arguing about how loyal they are to their team and what they would do for their team.
As the climb progresses, the odds increase. Upon reaching the top, the Mets fan shouts, "This is for the Mets," and hurls himself off the top.
Next the Brave fan yells, "I love Atlanta, this is for the Braves," and hurls himself off the mountain.
Suddenly the Red Sox fan yells "This is for everyone," and pushes the Yankees fan off .
MORE JOKES.....
Yankee Fans on a Bike
Q: If you see a Yankees fan on a bicycle, why should you never swerve to hit him?
A: There's a good chance it's your bicycle.
Yankee fans and Sperm
Q: What do Yankees fans and sperm have in common?
A: One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
Birth Control
Q: What do Yankees fans use for birth control?
A: Their personalities.
Two Bullets...
Q: You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake, and a Yankees fan. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?
A: Shoot the Yankees Fan.......Twice! | |
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