Bush "Rewards" Ohio

[Capt. Slo-mo]

Interesting item from the Associated Press this morning:

Bush Looks to Ohio for Armed Forces Aid
AP 11:02 a.m. (Akron, OH)

Within minutes of receiving a concession call from challenger John Kerry, President Bush signed Presidential Order #4523, called the "Impressive Volunteer Armed Forces Augmentation Act."

The act joins other Bush initiatives whose names belie their actual intents, such as the Clear Skies Initiative--which loosened restrictions on polluters, and the Healthy Forests Initiative, which appears primarily intended to allow widespread harvesting of the country's National Forests.

Presidential Order 4523 mandates that all registered Republican men in Ohio between the ages of 18 and 68 immediately report for duty to the Armed Forces for service in Iraq and Afghanistan.

By 10:20 a.m. this morning, Army buses and commandeered Ohio Public Transportation vehicles could be seen going door to door in Akron, with uniformed service members escorting the eligible men to the waiting vehicles. Shocked loved ones had to be forcibly restrained by waiting goverment agents who accompanied the vehicles.

Chief Bush Advisor Karl Rove told a hastily gathered press conference at the White House that the action did not violate President Bush's promise that "there would be no draft as long as I am President."

Rove said, "There is no draft. The good men of Ohio have expressed their willingness to aid our fight against terror, and we were impressed enough to want to add each and every one to the war effort."

Ohio Democratic Party Chairman Dennis White was philosophical as he watched the men being shipped off to basic training. "You get the government you vote for," he told the throngs of Republican wives and relatives beseiging the Democratic Party offices for help.

[Soldier]

...what the hell...?

[Epictetus]

Gallows humor

[Inquartata]

Well, those Ohioans DID keep him waiting, after all. Serves them right.

But I suspect that the bell would toll for Democrats, not Republicans.

[Epee_Pox]

This may get me "disappeared," but this is actually an effective combination of the Big Lie and Newspeak from the Bush administration, to cover up the actual rounding up of all males who voted Democrat in Ohio for immediate transport to Yucca Mountain in Nevada. (What, you thought it was being prepared for nuclear waste? That's more big lie/newspeak to keep inquisitive little eyes away from our concentration camps.)

[Inquartata]

Someone has to carry the waste down into the pits of Mordor, er, I mean Nevada.

[Soldier]

Actually, Capt. Slo-Mo, that does strike home now that you mention it.

I remember being herded through the processing center with a whole bunch of young men and women, shoved onto buses with little more than the clothes on our backs, and told to take a good look out the window at those we loved - because it was the last look we were going to get. From there, transported out to the Colorado Springs Containment Camp...er, I mean, USAFA.

[Black Jeebus]

I feel like an idiot, but you are joking right? Just for the love of all that's good someone tell me he's joking...

[Sarah]

Jeeze... thank goodness I move a lot, I used to live in Akron.

[Soldier]

Hope you're talking about Capt. Slo-Mo, because I'm not joking.

[Westley]

Is this article from "the stranger" or "the onion?" Please tell me it is. It has to be or we definitely would have heard about it by now.

[Black Jeebus]

Hope you're talking about Capt. Slo-Mo, because I'm not joking.

Yes I'm talking about Slo-Mo.

[Soldier]

Figured that made the most sense, but can never be too sure.

[geezer]

Is this one of those new urban legends? My "ill will" compells me to hope that it's true.

[Inquartata]

Jeeze... thank goodness I move a lot, I used to live in Akron.

So, the Pits of Mordor would be an improvement for you, then...

[Epee_Pox]

Is this one of those new urban legends? My "ill will" compells me to hope that it's true.

Um, yeah. It's just an urban legend. I made it up. No, really, honest, it was just a joke. Okay, guys? You can put the electrodes away now. Please? It was just a...

ggkkhthkphggllll...

[geezer]

Damn! I'm so freakin' disappointed! I was hoping the Evangelical Press Gangs were out and about.