Rules of the Road in DC

[jeff]

Sent by a friend, about Washington, but fortunately not about politics:

For those of you who live here, and those who wish you did...

Rules of the Road in the Washington D.C. metro area

1. First, you must learn to call it by its rightful name. It is "D.C.", or "the District". Only tourists call it Washington.

2. Next, if your road map of Montgomery County is more than a few weeks old, throw it out and buy a new one. It's obsolete. If you live or work in Loudoun or Fairfax county, your map was obsolete as soon as you paid for it.

3. There is no such thing as a dangerous high speed chase in D.C. It's just another chase, usually on the BW Parkway.

4. All directions start with "From the Beltway"...which has no beginning and no end, just one continuous loop that locals believe is somehow clarified by an "inner" and "outer" designation.

5. The morning rush hour is from 5 to 11 AM. The evening rush hour is from 1 to 8 PM. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning, especially during the summer on Route 50 Route 66 eastbound.

6. If there is a ball game at Redskins stadium, there is no point in driving anywhere near PG County. (Tip: Never say PG County to anyone from Mitchellville, Upper Marlboro or Fort Washington.)

7. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended. If you run the red light, be sure to smile for the $100 "picture" you will eceive courtesy of DMV.

8. Rain causes an immediate 50 point drop of IQ in drivers.

9. Snow causes an immediate 100 point drop in IQ and a rush to the Giant for toilet paper and milk.

10. Construction on I-270 is a way of life and a permanent source of scorn and cynical entertainment. It's ironic that it's called an "Interstate," but runs only from Bethesda to Frederick, unless you consider Montgomery County another state, which some do.

11. If someone actually has their turn signal on, they are by definition, someone who just moved here from the mid-west.

12. Car horns are actually "Road Rage" indicators. Heed the warning.

13. All Buicks have the right of way in the area of Leisure World.

14. In Virginia, many roads mysteriously change their names as you cross intersections. Don't ask why, no one knows.

15. A taxi ride across town will cost you $12.50. A taxi ride two blocks will cost you $16.75. (It's a zone thing, you just wouldn't understand.)

16. Traveling south out of DC through the Interstate 395/95 interchange (a.k.a., the "Mixing Bowl", which is getting better) is the most dangerous, scariest thing you will ever do in a car.

17. You're comforted that you will make it to work on time when there are seven lanes of traffic cruising along at 85 mph, bumper-to-bumper.

18. The minimum acceptable speed on the Beltway is 75 unless there's only you and another car, which of course will be doing 40, in the left lane.

19. The open lane for passing on all Maryland interstates is the far right lane because no self-respecting Marylander would ever be caught driving in the "slow" lane.

20. The far left lanes on all Virginia interstates are official "chat" lanes reserved for drivers who wish to talk on their cell phones.

21. All mini-vans and SUVs have priority clearance to use every lane at whatever speed the driver feels most comfortable multi-tasking in. Please don't be concerned if the driver is not actually looking at the road. They know they're on it.

[esskreemr]

My first trip to D.C I must've ran 4-5 redlights before I figured out that they were on the sidewalks...

[Inquartata]

Pffft! What civilized behavior! Ah, the ones I could write for Athens when I lived there! Like

1. The larger vehicle has the right of way. Beware especially of dumptrucks and buses.

2. Sidewalks serve as passing lanes.

3. The police are far too busy with accidents ever to write tickets for taffic-rule infractions. Thus for all practical purposes

4. There ARE no traffic rules.

5. Beware of 7-street-intersections. Seriously.

6. Such road signs as exist are in bloody GREEK! And brush up on your metric conversions. However, don't worry about speed limits ( see #4 above ).

7. In the wintertime, cars grow enormous snowmen on the hood. These typically last between 3 days and 1 week. Drivers must peer out the drivers-side windows to see where they are going in the meantime.

8. Do not expect brake lights on vehicles stopping ahead of you. Most drivers disconnect them "to save gas".

9. Do not expect turn signals. ( Sort of like in the US. )

10. When stopped at intersections, do not venture any body part out a window, it will immediately be lopped off by mopeds hurtling between the lanes of cars to get to the head of the line.

[davtsung]

In Homer's voice: "Its so funny cause it's true"

[LordTofuDog-jnr]

In Homer's voice: "Its so funny cause it's true"

I believe that Homer says "it's funny cause it's true." not "it's SO funny cause it's true."

Ha! Didn't expect that did you?!

[Iwant2bafencer]

How to Identify Where a Driver is From......
1. One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: Chicago.
2. One hand on wheel, one finger out window: New York.
3. One hand on wheel, one finger out window, cutting across all lanes of
traffic: New Jersey.
4. One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator:
Boston.
5. One hand on wheel, one hand on nonfat double decaf cappuccino, cradling
cell phone, brick on accelerator, with gun in lap: Los Angeles.
6. Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror:
Ohio, but driving in California.
7. Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to
talk to someone in back seat: Italy.
8. One hand on latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on
brake, mind on radio game: Seattle
9. One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle, alternating between both
feet being on the accelerator and both feet on brake, throwing McDonald's
bag out the window: Texas.
10. Four-wheel drive pick-up truck, shotgun mounted in rear window, beer
cans on floor, squirrel tails attached to antenna: West Virginia.
11. Two hands gripping wheel, blue hair barely visible above windshield,
driving 35 on the Interstate in the left lane with the left blinker
on:
Florida.

[cornflower]

Somebody told me that if you break down on the highway, and you leave your car, you're sure to return to a shell ('cause of thieves stripping it down). Is this true?

[Maeve_Mari]

Somebody told me that if you break down on the highway, and you leave your car, you're sure to return to a shell ('cause of thieves stripping it down). Is this true?

Not in DC it's not true.

[Iwant2bafencer]

I wouldn't put it past some places.

[Epeecurean]

[QUOTE=Inquartata]Pffft! What civilized behavior! Ah, the ones I could write for Athens when I lived there! Like

4. There ARE no traffic rules.
QUOTE]

I find that third worlders often tend to be more highly skilled drivers than those in developed countries. The lack of traffic rules forces them to be far more alert and engaged in the act of driving. There is no right of way to protect them. Epee versus foil.

[davtsung]

No hands on wheel, brick on the accelerator AND
Green= Go; Yellow=Go-faster ; Red= Now I got to haul-a$$ = Boston
Green=Yellow=Red = Roma
'I only see verde' = Paris
'I see dead drivers' driving = NYC
'I can't see sh-t' driving = Humbolt county CA
6 lanes in a 3 lane road = Taipei
Car passing another car who is also passing, in a 2 lane road = Napoli
'Motivational' language toward other drivers = France in general
Drive on the wrong side of the road = London
Drive on the wrong side of the road = again Boston
High-speed chases of White Broncos = LA
Bouncy driving = Epee drivers
Bring it on / Superman driving = Saber drivers
Born ready for anything driving = Foil drivers

[pacer]

sounds like things haven't changed in the twenty years since I left D.C. I do recall that Maryland drivers would honk after only giving the first car stopped at a red light about 1.5 sec to get started. Virginia drivers waited at least 4 seconds. But Virginia drivers thought the yield sign at the end of an on ramp meant stop ...Arrggh!

[Inquartata]

I find that third worlders often tend to be more highly skilled drivers than those in developed countries. The lack of traffic rules forces them to be far more alert and engaged in the act of driving.

It's a theory. In Greece though it is, or was, belied by the truly awe-inspiring number of Bondo patches and primered areas on so many of the cars there. Especially taxis.

I forgot a rule:

11. The car horn is the national musical instrument, and the waved fist is the national salute. The red-faced screamed invective is the national anthem.

[xcr]

Driving here (I dont own a car, so I drive only occasionally) is somewhat orderly. People dont run red lights (except when the light just change, in wich case two more people will follow the person who can 'just make it').
On the highway, one somtimes passes people going at the speed limit, but more often gets passed going 20 over it. (the speed limit is 110).

[Soldier]

Don't forget North Dakota:

If you actually happen to meet another car on the road, you're both required to stop, get out, and strike up a conversation.

[davtsung]

Ah yes, North Dakota... the forgotten state if only the college hockey wasn't so darn good.