College and Parents...?

[HillBilly]

Alright here's the scoop.

I'm 14 years old, a freshman in Highschool.
I like to dress... "differently" from everyone else, and my parents won't let me dress how i wanna.. but whatever.. I want to do other stuff with my years in highschool than just schoolwork! I know I'm not an A++ Grade student, but my parnts are treating me like i've got to fooking work all the time else i'll only get into like community college or summat.... AGH! I WANNA GO KICK SOMETHING!

[noodle]

i coasted high school and am doing just fine in a respected engineering program. but thats just me. the real question is whether or not you can coast and be fine. if you can't, you really will have to work if you want to do anything with your life. this has nothing to do with how smart you are. i know lots of very smart people who have to study like crazy to pass classes. some people need to work, some don't need to work as much.

[Sarah]

What do you mean by 'differently'? I dress in whatever I feel like, I have some medieval shirts and Idian slippers and I'm going to get a sari, but most of the time I wear jean shorts and a tank. (Hawaii.. it does things to you)

[Saber-Psycho]

Wait, your parents are saying that if you don't devote more time to your fencing, you won't get in to a good school?
Are they planing on you getting a scholarship?

[mrbiggs]

Originally Posted by HillBilly

I like to dress... "differently" from everyone else

Me too, I'm gradually switching to only Homestar Runner clothing.

You should work in school so you don't end up with a crappy job.

There IS alot to do in high school other than schoolwork, but that's not the point of high school. Most things can be done at other times. Those that can't, well, you have to squeeze those in. You probably don't have a job yet (if you're 14), but when you get one....you have like half the time you do now. So enjoy it while it lasts. There's alot of time between when you get home and when you go to bed, so use it wisely.

I'm not saying that I do that. (It's about midnight, and I have 2 major projects to do, start to finish, because I've been fencing.netting all evening). I'm just saying that it's something to work towards.

[telkanuru]

I did OK in HS, and am attending a state school which, like noodle's, has a very decent engineering program. College, be it trailer park U or Harvard, is what you make of it, academically. In any case, my parents were completely hands off, with such statements as "I hear garbage men get paid well" and "Y'know, we really don't have to spend $40,000 per year if all you want to do is deliver packages for UPS", etc. My advice is as follows: Be youself. I find the fanatical drive to push kids into the perfect college mold more than a little silly.

[Sword-Chucks]

Life isn't all about having a job and money or even people that care about you and support you. Unless you need those things to be happy. There are more meaningful things though, things that really fulfil you like futile success never will. You build things out of earth, they go back to the earth. You build things out of love they last forever yo. People can definantly be part of that, but a job in itself purely for the gain of status and possesions will never complete you.

[lochinvar]

This is the perennial complaint of the young, and I feel for you, man. I did it, my father did it, and my kids did/are doing it...

Reality check: Money doesn't buy happiness. Accepted. What it does buy, however, is independence and security. How you use your independence and security is up to you.

The sad fact is that decisions you make now will set the course of your life later, possibly forever. I have a 25-yr old son who kicks himself every day that he didn't work in HS, in fact never finishing. Now he sees what he could have accomplished, but it's too late. He struggles in a dead-end job to support himself and his wife with too few resources and too many expenses. He may go back to school at community college or maybe even a full college--or he may not. Right now the road is still open, but despair mounts incrementaly every year; at some point, it becomes too big a hill to climb.

Those who have gone before aren't trying to make your life miserable, though at times it seems so. It's just that they've seen their contemporaries--or maybe even themselves--fail in what they wanted to do because they didn't work hard enough early on. They don't want that to happen to you. It's a love thing, when you get right down to it.

As for how you dress...well, I can't say anything to that. You wear what you want to wear, and there will be consequences, or not--that's too hard to see. If there are unforseen outcomes based on your clothing, hair style, whatever, then that's just something you'll live with. But the work in school thing is important. The fact that you can't see the purpose or the point doesn't mean there isn't one; it only means you can't see it.

Yes, there are other things to do with your High School years other than schoolwork, and you certainly should take advantage of those things. Just don't let them screw up your priorities.

Remember this: The Harvard MBA can still choose to live in a tenement and eat canned dog food if that's what makes him happy. But if that's where you start, you can't go the other way and decide one day to buy the big house in the country with the state-of-the-art sound system and two cool sportscars.

It's all about keeping your future options open.

[wpotere]

Originally Posted by lochinvar

The fact that you can't see the purpose or the point doesn't mean there isn't one; it only means you can't see it.

This was a great post and I fully agree. Although I am making a decent living, I continaully kick myself for not going to college. Now, I am plucking away at it one class at a time while working my tail off. Not an easy task.

As for this quote above. Simply compare it to fencing... Just because you can't see the target doesn't mean it is not there.

Stay focused and work through school. You will be much happier in the future and life is a long road.

[capa]

An education WILL NOT guarantee you a job, but, a good tertiary education will free you from ignorance.

Its wonderful to understand things and in doing so, think critically of them. Education is not about employment, it is about developing you into a critical person capable of escaping the constraints of other 'educated' people.

Simply look at the political and economic structure of the middle east - most are poor and uneducated. So, they are easily brainwashed by the educated - they only have access to one view, they cannot think critically, and, they are easily manipulated.

Whereas, in the MODERN western world, most have access to affordable tertiary education. From such access to knowledge and academic opinions we see an wonderful array of opinions (Anti-Iraq, Pro Iraq, Liberalism, Conservatism, Socialism, Capitalism, Gay rights, womens right etc etc etc etc !!!!!!!).

A good education will broaden your mind and set it free. ITS INVALUABLE!

Remember, fencing is just a game. Besides, when your 16-20, you'll have other matters on your mind.

[HillBilly]

hey thanks everyone,

Another question on the way I dress..
Do you think people would not take me seriously or judge me purely by my looks? Has anyone had any experience? It's quite a dilemma for me, because I love to wear different clothes etc. but i want people to like me...

-Es

[Mergs]

Originally Posted by HillBilly

hey thanks everyone,

Another question on the way I dress..
Do you think people would not take me seriously or judge me purely by my looks? Has anyone had any experience? It's quite a dilemma for me, because I love to wear different clothes etc. but i want people to like me...

-Es

It is a sad reality of life, but yes, people do judge you based on your looks. It is the first impression that people have of you, and you don't have an opportunity to do it over. I have a nephew that is extremely smart, but is terribly geeky. He made the statement that what matter did it make if he wore mis-matching socks to an interview? It was his ability they were hiring.

Well, an interview is not about them buying; you ain't the only one out there, it's about you selling yourself. What something like what my nephew said is that says, is two things: you are either too busy trying to be different and not a team player (most organizations don't have room for individualists, unless you are working with a start up business and you click on a personal level and quirkieness is acceptable) or you are not very disciplined (at least not self disciplilned enough to do what needs to be done inspite of how you feel about it), both big no-no's in the real world, especially if you are trying to join an established organization.

You can still be yourself, but dressing "differently" is something, as Lochnivar said, that we have all done at your age. What it is, is you testing the limits of the envelope. And this is the toughest part of being a parent. Having the guts to set the limits and stick to them.

Hang in there, kiddo. It's like a kidney stone. It too shall pass. And probably hurt like hell in the process.

[HillBilly]

an apt comparison

Yes I guess i'll just have to fight it out like I always have done. What really bugs me about my parents is that they're actually hypocritical. They both believe that I shouldn't wear any "punk" clothes, but then there they are: my mom has dyed, "spiked" hair, and my dad (although a Classics professor) buys expensive clothes when he already has tons! It's in the genes, I tell you! Anything but my fault...?

Blah, waging war, waging war ...

-Es

[Black Jeebus]

I used to always try to make myself stand out from the people I went to school with. In my elitist mind they were inconsequential and one of the best ways to distinguish myself was obviously to appear different. At some point my elitist thinking led to the thought that I really and truly didn't care what those other people thought and I reverted to a more pragmatic look, because if I don't care what people think about me then I didn't need to look different. That's not saying that I key into fashion at all, but my wardrobe now is one of more pragmatic tastes than in the past.

[Mergs]

Yeah, the wanting to dress differently screams "Look at me! Notice me! I AM different!" as does the piercing, tatoos, etc. We all did that in our younger years. But the main difference is that what we did was not permanent like the things that are happening today are. My stepson realized that just in time and took out the earings. Still has the small tatoo in the small of his back to cover his back surgery scar, but nothing that he has to worry about covering up when he went for interviews and now when he calls on customers. My daughter on the other hand.............

[MHS Fencer]

In terms of how people react to you based on how you look, I've actually done comparisons with how i'm treated based only on the variable of my hair color. While dressing in respectable clothing (ie, khakis or jeans and a sweater) and with brown hair, the average person will smile back at me and generally assume that I'm not incompetent.

This changed when my hair was dyed green (done mostly for the sake of seeing people's changed reactions). Flight attendants no longer spoke to me or said "goodbye" at the end of the flight, people didn't take my opinions seriously (keep in mind that I'm wearing the same respectable clothing here) and I couldn't have a conversation with somebody on a serious topic without some derision about the hair color (and overcoming the obstacle that people underestimated me on the basis of the hair color). I had a 5 minute conversation with a presidential candidate when I had brown hair, but the same candidate had completely ignored me when I had green hair (admittedly it was only David Cobb - Green Party, but still, it shows that people definitely form opinions based on appearance).

That's about as fair a survey I can give using specific examples, but people just look at you and treat you differently when you stick out for more... "creative" stylings. It's something that you should keep in mind in the con column when you are thinking about going for an alternative look.

[Soldier]

Has this struck anybody else as the standard fourteen-year-old wannabe-punk whining about his parents being parents, while making himself an individual - just like everybody else?

Wake up, man. The more you "rage against the machine", the more you fit right in. If you actually want to be different, then just stop caring about everybody else and do what you want. Keep in mind, you will still be judged based on your appearance.

My sister used to hate letting me out of the house in the morning, because of how I was dressed. Something about colors not matching. But you know what? I was comfortable all day!

Examples of appearance: Last year I had to travel in service dress still. I got hit on by the flight attendants. Once we got our Prop & Wings, we were allowed to wear civilian clothes. Now, it just so happens that my favorite color (non-color, my father would be quick to point out) is black. As such, all of my most comfortable clothes are black. When I threw my civvies on for the first time in the squadron, they almost called Security Forces on me. One of the girls in the squad had to do a triple-take of me.

So the lesson is: Listen to your parents, they've got a lot more experience than you, and they're looking out for your best interests. Probably a lot better than you are. Work hard in school if you want to go anywhere. Do what you want, not to be like anybody else around you. But keep in mind that appearances will make a huge difference.

[lochinvar]

Originally Posted by Mergs

Yeah, the wanting to dress differently screams "Look at me! Notice me! I AM different!"

Oh, thanks, Mergs! We'll have Inquartata in here screaming, "See? That's why there shouldn't be any color in the uniforms!" any minute now...

...as does the piercing, tatoos, etc. We all did that in our younger years.

Uh, speaking only for myself, I never thought piercings and/or tattoos were cool (still don't) and never did/will do them. Hair length, on the other hand...

To speak to Hillbilly's question, yes I've often been judged on the basis of my clothes and--ashamed to admit--been guilty of judging others on that basis.
Probably one of the most revelatory moments of my contemporary life was to meet a man 50+ years old, balding, 6'-5", some 290 lbs. with no less than nine earings (six in one ear, three in the other), ponytail, worn leather jacket, and a braided silver choker as thick as my thumb. I instantly pegged him as a "biker" type--only to be introduced as my engineering partner on an upcoming project. We later found we had many things in common, but I would never have broached those subjects had I not been in an enforced collaboration with him. (He is an excellent engineer, BTW, and I have a lot of respect for his work.)

It's all a matter of context. There's a time and a place for dressing "punk", and a time and a place where such dress is inappropriate or at least questionable. A lot of the process we call "growing up" consists of learning what actions/looks/words will be acceptable in what context.

[lochinvar]

Originally Posted by Soldier

Has this struck anybody else as the standard fourteen-year-old wannabe-punk whining about his parents being parents, while making himself an individual - just like everybody else?

That's a little harsh, I think, Soldier, but yes. We've made mention of it.

[frenzl]

here's a little tip for whatever you want to do, just barely passing to get into a decent (not community college) college is an 80 (2.0) GPA and usually a high 900 to a 1000 on SAT. pretty much with out that you aren't going to be going to a good school.

so just think about that.