A point for Gravity... Who wants a Point

[Black Jeebus]

In a poor excuse for coming up with a way to entertain myself (and possibly others), I'm going to award a reputation point to the person with the most creative explanation of gravity.

This point shall go to the person who has the most entertaining answer. Entertaining is entirely subjective. Be your answer logical and scientific or nonsensical and fantastic if it is the most interesting I will give out a point.

Also I would like the other members of the board to endorse their favorite answer as well. I can be easily swayed by the opinions of others (what can I say I am weak willed, hmm, maybe I'll run for president...).

[Soldier]

According to Dave Barry, gravity is one of the Six Fundamental Forces of the Universe. The other five are magnetism, duct tape, whining, remote control, and the Force that Pulls Dogs Toward the Groins of Strangers.

[Point_Left]

The entire reason for gravity is to allow fencing. Without gravity, the action/reaction pairs would leave the fencers wildly carrening through space after every parry or attack or... It speeds up bouts because fencers can return to their en-guard lines much faster. Footwork is possible under gravity, and would not be possibly without it. In order to prevent wild drifting, fencers would need to cling to a wall, and this could hamper the progression of the bout if you opponent is out of range. Gravity allows us to stay firmly on the ground (or not, if you jump, flunge, etc.), control our actions and allows the bout to progress at a reasonable speed. Therefore, the entire purpose of gravity is to allow for fencing. And if that made any sense to you, please explain it to me...

[Soldier]

According to Urbandictionary.com: An item on Homer Simpson's revenge list.

[Black Jeebus]

Hmm... to give Soldier a point or not? While funny neither of his responses were originally his. On the other hand he was honest with his borrowing... And while I do believe honesty should be rewarded in this instance I'll let his reward be the knowledge that he has proven himself to be an honest person

[Soldier]

No, you shouldn't. Not all that entertaining, and they never really answer the question. Plus, like you said, they're not my answers. I think there will be a tough time beating Point Left.

[Point_Left]

I was half serious... It is amazing what sleep deprivation makes you think of.

[Purple Fencer]

Gravity is that force which makes the Earth suck...

[Black Jeebus]

Originally Posted by Purple Fencer

Gravity is that force which makes the Earth suck...

and hurt too!

[ReverseLunge]

Day 1 - Black Jeebus admits straight away that he doesn't like the look of corflower. He says she looks like a lesbian. As it turns out, Sarah is in fact the only lesbian in the house, although Hillbilly later admits that he is unsure of his true sexuality.

2 - The house sit down for a discussion of how to organise simple chores. DFP creates tension by stating that the kitchen is where the women belong. Purple Fencer hits him with a fork.

3 - The housemates are set their first task by Big Brother - they must make a model of The Empire State Building out of corn dogs. After much persuasion by DFP, they gamble 50% of next week's food budget on completing the task.

4 - Training for the The Empire State Building task is well under way. However havoc ensues when Hillbilly, who is rapidly developing a reputation as the laziest fat bastard in the house, eats half the corn dogs. Purple Fencer is furious.

5 - Today is the day when the The Empire State Building task must be completed. Things are going well until shortly before the end when Hillbilly farts and blows The Empire State Building over. Big Brother announces that the task has been a failure. corflower cries.

6 - DFP gets pecked on the arm by one of the Big Brother chickens. Not a very exciting day.

7 - Big Brother is worried that things are getting dull, so he summons the housemates to have a mass debate about sex. After far too many cans of cider, corflower admits that she likes to be spanked on the a$$ with a fork. Black Jeebus says he never wears condoms because they make his pecker sore and DFP agrees. Sarah goes into a rant about how none of the other housemates have ever enjoyed a true orgasm because they're all boring heterosexual bastards. Hillbilly sits in the corner, quietly eyeing up DFP.

8 - Today is the first day that the housemates must nominate someone to leave. Black Jeebus goes round everyone one by one, telling them he really likes them because they're the only one in the house that he can really relate to. Purple Fencer and corflower are voted as the two candidates to leave. Nobody votes for Black Jeebus.

9 - Purple Fencer and corflower are told of their nominations and burst into tears, before hugging everyone and telling them they love them. Sarah sings them a song - Careless Whisper - to make them feel better.

10 - The public vote corflower out of the house. She pretends not to be bothered but then breaks down and sobs that she should never have admitted about enjoying being spanked. corflower leaves.

11 - Relationships are strained in the house as the housemates come to terms with corflower's departure. The food budget is low due to the failure of last week's failed task. Sarah has to make do without the cucumber she requested. Purple Fencer is visibly depressed and is comforted by DFP, who tries to touch her on her snatch.

12 - The Big Brother pyschologist replays the footage of DFP touching Purple Fencer's snatch over and over again. This is because it shows an interesting psychological incident, of course, not because it will increase the viewing figures. Big Brother sets the housemates the task of jogging on a running machine for twice the circumferance of the globe. They gamble 40% of the food budget on completing it.

13 - The running machine task is on target, despite the fact that Hillbilly refuses to run because his pecker hurts a bit.

14 - Much jubilation in the house as the running machine task is completed. Hillbilly finally manages to run the last 10 metres of the task and claims that without him they'd never have done it. Purple Fencer calls Hillbilly a lazy pecker.

15 - Once again it is the day when nominations are due. Black Jeebus tells everyone individually that he thinks Purple Fencer is a *****. He also points out that anyone who wants to stay at his flat when the show is finished is welcome to come and visit. Purple Fencer and DFP are nominated by the housemates to leave. Nobody votes for Black Jeebus.

16 - The nominations are announced. Purple Fencer can't believe she's been voted out two weeks in a row. DFP is equally stunned and turns to Purple Fencer for comfort. Hillbilly is distraught and confesses to Sarah that he thinks he is in love with DFP. Sarah says she doesn't fancy any of the housemates because they're all just too heterosexual and she's a lesbian, you know

17 - The public vote DFP out of the house. Purple Fencer says she is gutted and even gives DFP a clipping of hair from her snatch to prove how much she cares. Hillbilly is also devastated but keeps his hair to himself. DFP leaves.

18 - The Big Brother psychologist shows repeated clips of Purple Fencer clipping the hair from her snatch. Apparently this is an important psychological incident. The public obviously agree as viewing figures soar.

19 - Big Brother sets the housemates the task of burping the National Anthem of Timbuktu in 60 seconds. They gamble 50% of the food budget on completing it.

20 - Nobody has a clue what the National Anthem of Timbuktu sounds like but Hillbilly says it's a bit like Dancing Queen. The housemates choose Black Jeebus as the one who must complete the task.

21 - Black Jeebus successfully burps not only the National Anthem of Timbuktu but also God Save The Queen, Careless Whisper and the theme tune to Three's Company. He is proclaimed as a hero, despite the fact that a vote in a tabloid newspaper shows that 98% of the public want to kill him.

22 - Nominations are due and Black Jeebus tells everyone that he has a Villa in the South of France and they can all come and stay for a holiday. Hillbilly and Sarah are nominated.

23 - Hillbilly and Sarah take their nominations well and sit down with Black Jeebus and Purple Fencer to discuss why they voted for them. Black Jeebus keeps quiet but Purple Fencer accuses Hillbilly of being an arrogant, lazy, self-centred pecker before bursting into tears.

24 - The public vote Sarah out of the house and nobody really gives a $hit. Sarah leaves.

25 - Black Jeebus becomes the first housemate to have a wank. This footage goes down well with the Big Brother pschologist who proclaims that it gives us a true insight into the working of Black Jeebus's mind and brings out his true personality. In other words, he's a wanker.

26 - Big Brother sets the remaining three housemates the task of shifting 5000 tons of elephant dung using only a fork. Black Jeebus is unsure but Hillbilly is confident, claiming to have done something very similar when he was younger. They gamble 50% of the food budget.

27 - Completely out of the blue, Hillbilly breaks down in tears and announces that he is leaving. He claims that it is because the dung-shifting task has brought back the painful memories of the elephant incident from his childhood. Purple Fencer tries to persuade him to stay but Black Jeebus sits in a corner, rubbing his hands slyly. Hillbilly decides to leave.

28 - With only two housemates remaining, the elephant dung task proves impossible. They fail miserably and resort to getting extremely pissed on some vegetable wine, made by Purple Fencer from a couple of mouldy carrots she found in the Big Brother garden.

29 - Nominations are due for the final time. Black Jeebus asks Purple Fencer to marry him and she accepts. Unsurprisingly Black Jeebus nominates Purple Fencer to leave. Rather more surprisingly, so does Purple Fencer.

30 - When the nomination is announced, Purple Fencer graciously accepts defeat and proclaims that Black Jeebus is a worthy winner. As they are soon to marry, she also agrees to shag him. The event is broadcast live to the nation and is preceded by a speech from the Queen. Everyone in the Big Brother production crew breathe a huge sigh of relief as viewing figures go through the roof. Black Jeebus takes his $70,000 and runs away to Timbuktu. Nobody, including Purple Fencer, ever sees him again.

[cornflower]

CRAP! How did you know about ... oh ****. Forget it.

[Black Jeebus]

hmm... not sure if that speaks well for me or not...

[Black Jeebus]

well it is the most different explanation of gravity I have ever read...

[ReverseLunge]

That's right. Give me the point.

[Black Jeebus]

I'm gonna give it a day or two (or until the thread dies) to see what else people might come up with (like say an actual explanation of gravity... then again if nothing entertains me as much as that did...)

[Inquartata]

Gravity was invented to give poets something to rhyme with 'depravity'.

[Gav]

Gravity:

"I fought the law and the law won."

[cornflower]

Gravity is something that ****s you over when your parachute fails.

[HillBilly]

Originally Posted by reverselunge

Completely out of the blue, Hillbilly breaks down in tears and announces that he is leaving. He claims that it is because the dung-shifting task has brought back the painful memories of the elephant incident from his childhood. Purple Fencer tries to persuade him to stay but Black Jeebus sits in a corner, rubbing his hands slyly. Hillbilly decides to leave.

****, how did you know about the elephant **** thing??? Are you a stalker??

*frightened*

And i wouldn't leave!!

[AdventureDiva]

although that was very entertaining...why?

~Rachael~