A point for Gravity... Who wants a Point

[Purple Fencer]

Quite entertaining....but I'm a guy (fondles self....yep....a guy!)

[mrbiggs]

Reverselunge definately left me out.

Gravity is when two different masses get together, and something beautiful happens. It causes them to be attracted to each other. Eventually, they are stuck together until some outside force tears them apart. Occaisionally, this action creates asteroids and other space debris, which are in turn attracted to each other, and are stuck together, to complete the great cricle of life. I mean gravity.

[latenight]

Things tend to fall and go Boom.

[Capt. Slo-mo]

Gravity is created by a Leviathan-sized creature living deep in the molten core of the Earth. This entity, which closely resembles an unfortunate mating of Ethel Merman, a platypus and a tapeworm, often stirs restlessly in her/his/its sleep, creating vast vortexes of current in the magma below the Earth's mantle of rock.

The Coriollus effect of the moving magma creates a giant tornado-like disturbance in the fluid rock, which exerts an inexorable pull on everything above it, much like the drain in the bathtub will drag a toy many feet away directly towards it. This gravitational tugging affects us all in inverse proportion to the distance from mouth of the Mermpusworm. Hence, one feels heavier in low places...Passaic, NJ, for example, and lighter in higher places...Mount Shasta, CA is often noted for its feeling of transcendental lightness.

Reverberations from this phenomenon have entered mankind's consciousness over the years, resulting in legends of the "World-Worm" or Ourobourous. It also is used to explain unnatural events--Britany Spears--for example, due to the gravitational effects that tend to pull the corners of the mouth in a downwards fashion when experienced.

The omnipresent attraction of the Merpusworm extends even into the upper atmosphere, a fact first noticed by NASA when a rocket was launched by the USSR in 1957. The satellite, Sputnik, was designed to fly directly to the moon and spew out a vast array of recycled tractor parts from a factory in Minsk, spelling Ленин, как, так полностью скалы ("Lenin, like, so totally rocks!") in Cyrillic across the Mare Tranquillitatis. The Soviet Politburo intended this to be seen clearly from the Earth's surface as a portent of the inevitable domination of the planet by the Worker's Paradise.

Alas, Soviet rocketry experts neglected to account for the irresistable attraction of the Merpusworm. The rocket failed to achieve escape velocity, and instead began to circle the Earth in a fitful manner. This same behavior is frequently observed in music stores, where Goth-clad consumers endlessly circle around displays of "Debby Boone's Greatest Hits", never quite able to break the invisible bonds of strange attraction.

The failure of the Sputnik plan eventually led to the destruction of the Soviet Union and the rise of "Boy-Bands"...but that's a story for another time.

[noodle]

i think its pretty obviously that earth's gravity is caused from two things:
1- the large mass of the earth attracts objects to its surface
2- gravitational variations also come from the centrifugal force caused by the rotation of the earth.

this rotation of the earth is caused by the appalling trend in modern "fencing" which involves the throwing of the point of the foil blade, which is a bruteish, muscle-driven slashing that causes the foil to bend in a simply disgusting way in order to score a point. this monstrosity is oft preceded by an unbalanced and uncultured rush down the strip in an attempt to score a touch, not unlike a giant football player tackling a quarterback, except with less padding and infinitely more uncivilized. this extra force is sufficient enough to cause the earth to rotate from its previously stationary position and force a higher measure of gravity upon all of us, all because of the modern state of sport fencing which i hiterunto nickname "whippo".

[Soldier]

Noodle...what's this? We agree on something??

[mollusk]

In the Universe there are a lot of very tiny particles that move very fast and have momentum, but no mass when they come to rest. In empty space these particles have isotropic statistics, that is the distribution of momentum is the same to matter in what direction you look and hence there would be no net momentum flux from the particles. Now on occasion these particles come to rest when they interact with matter imparting some momentum but not increasing the mass of the object because they have no rest mass. In otherwise empty space there would be no net impulse on an object because the net momentum imparted to it would be zero due to the isotropic statistics. The pressence of matter, however, disrupts the statistics. Just to the left of a massive object there would be an excess of particles moving to the right because some of the leftward travelling particles were adsorbed. In that way any object placed there would have more rightward momentum tranferred to it than leftward momentum because of the non-isotropic statistics of the particles at that location. To an observer it would seem that the object would be attracted to the other, i.e. gravity.

And I have a really nice bridge for sale in NYC.

[Soldier]

Gravity is the attractive force exerted by my bed. I am only able to resist it when I am well-rested from sleep. I could even feel it when soaring this summer high above the Academy. You all think you're being pulled 'downward' toward the center of the earth; that's really just my bed's attractive properties bending because of material differences in the earth's crust.

I think I'll go give in to gravity now.

[grphiw]

Gravity is how grave something is.

Oh, the physical gravity...

Gravity is the anti-dream. No matter how much you believe you can fly, you can succeed, etc., gravity is right there at 9.8 m/s^2 to squash you.

[mrbiggs]

Gravity is the opposite of up, which is down. Everything in the universe doesn't go up, it goes down.

[Mo]

Originally Posted by Capt. Slo-mo

Gravity is created by a Leviathan-sized creature living deep in the molten core of the Earth. This entity, which closely resembles an unfortunate mating of Ethel Merman, a platypus and a tapeworm, often stirs restlessly in her/his/its sleep, creating vast vortexes of current in the magma below the Earth's mantle of rock.

This same behavior is frequently observed in music stores, where Goth-clad consumers endlessly circle around displays of "Debby Boone's Greatest Hits", never quite able to break the invisible bonds of strange attraction.
The failure of the Sputnik plan eventually led to the destruction of the Soviet Union and the rise of "Boy-Bands"...but that's a story for another time.

Capt. Are you some kind of genius weirdo from a parellel universe??

[Inquartata]

Originally Posted by Purple Fencer

Quite entertaining....but I'm a guy (fondles self....yep....a guy!)

Stop it, you'll go blind.

[Soldier]

I thought it was supposed to make you go deaf?

Wait a minute...

Cornflower...?

[Grey]

In the terms of advanced modern physics, gravity is the perpertual force exerted by a mass of matter upon its surroundings which standardised the attraction of other existing physical bodies towards the origin of gravitation at a steady acceleration of 10m/s^2 on the planet known as Earth. There are no exceptions to this rule, all physical bodies existing within the domains of thermodynamic laws, plasma, basically any mass of body which is not anti matter will conform to this law of attraction. Originally discovered by Issac Newton, who set down his three famous laws on gravity, the contradiction revealed by recent research showed that there are exceptions to the law of gravity present in the field known as quantum physics. A hypothetical research example would state that for every mass there is a 'anti-mass' which is the ultimate reverse of the mass in weight (or known as the measurement of the force exerted by gravity towards earth) physical state and existance. The anti-mass is the direct opposite of the mass, thereby should both anti-mass and mass combine it would result in the termination of both subject, rendering energy destroyed instead of transformed as in an example from potential energy (another effect of gravity) to kinetic energy (resultant force due to gravity). Gravity is an extremely complex subject to discuss scientifically, therefore this is the simplified view. A PhD in Gravity is a new subject being debated at Harvard University to which should it grant rise...

[Black Jeebus]

There are two particle accelerators that are more or less competing to try and isolate a graviton. I can't remember where either of them are.

[mrbiggs]

One of them is probably CERN.

So the thread is almost dead; who won?

[Black Jeebus]

Well, I'm a college age guy so- Inq. wins for making a masturbation joke.

[HillBilly]

agreed!

[oiuyt]

My vote goes to Capt. Slo-Mo. Definitely the most interesting post.

-B :)

[mollusk]

Originally Posted by oiuyt

My vote goes to Capt. Slo-Mo. Definitely the most interesting post.

-B

I'd agree except for one fatal flaw: Debbie Boone is repulsive, not attractive.