Enter at Own Risk

[Soldier]

Originally Posted by D+F+P=Hadouken!

And I'd be innocent.

But police looking for a suspect would have good reason to think otherwise.

[scrapinpeg]

good luck. i hope this really is just a cruel hoax on you. no matter what, you're a good person and are doing the right thing.

[D+F+P=Hadouken!]

you seem to know what to do soldier. Just tread carefully. Its human life balancing on pin.

[esskreemr]

Originally Posted by scrapinpeg

your silence would be a greater betrayal. i can't believe the academy has produced someone who would even think that. times have changed...

Ease up! It's a whole lot easier to fire off a life-changing suggestion when the only involvement you have are a keyboard and internet hookup...

Soldier HAS to proceed with caution. If this person is not amiable to a legal fix, he could end up on the wrong side of a bad issue. If he just phones in a complaint, depending on what area she is in, it could be fully investigated or they may just send out an officer to look around, or they may choose to do nothing. What good would it be to notify the local authorities who then sweep it under the rug, or alert the rapist? Unfortunately, the law does not always swing in favor of the victim and even less in favor of someone intervening, particularly if the victim proves to be unwilling.

Morally, Soldier does have a responsibility, but must act on that responsibility with forethought. What if he files a complaint, the victim refuses to testify, the rapist decides to finish the job? HOW IS THAT GOING TO HELP ANYONE??

My suggestions from a totally inexperienced viewpoint, collect all the evidence that you can from the victim so that WHEN (not if) you do decide to act, you have the info to back you up. Look up the laws once you get her location and see if the police will automatically press charges without the consent of the victims (they will in some areas, they won't in others). Perhaps you could talk to someone at the police station in your area for advice. Document everything!!!!

When you act, realize that the consequences will affect her life, your life, and everybody else in this mess...

[Maeve_Mari]

Originally Posted by achilleus

I did a quick search.

http://www.rainn.org/

If this is your goal, then you should contact an organization that deals with rape and it's victims. They should be able to provide you with more insight than we here are able to.

Excellent advice and post.
Soldier, you can tell this group what you know and how you promised to not tell the authorities. They can contact the woman and use thier skills and techniques to sort out the facts and either encourage her to step up and report it or report it themselves if they determine the situation warrants such action.

[Soldier]

Originally Posted by scrapinpeg

good luck. i hope this really is just a cruel hoax on you. no matter what, you're a good person and are doing the right thing.

So do I, for her sake. Unfortunately, I really don't think that's the case.

[Soldier]

I shall. Thank you again, Achilleus.

[Soldier]

Again: Does anyone have advice from more of a counselling angle?

[Lady Cristina]

Soldier,

When talking to her make sure you affirm her self confidence. I just went through something similar with a friend of mine. She needs to be let know that she is cared about and supported. Also don't hide you dislike of the situation but present it more as 'well, I don't like it but if that's what you choose' She has to come to this realization herself but you can help her by showing support and comfort. Good luck!

[Moonitic]

You know of my experience with this, Soldier. Please take that into consideration when I say the following. It's not meant to offend.

This may cause an argument, but I have to say it anyway: You're not a professional, Soldier. I suggest you don't try to counsel her. Be a friend. Encourage her. DO NOT try to counsel her if you don't have the education & training to back it up. You could do far more harm than good. If her situation truly is as bad as you've stated, she needs to see a professional, & I'm afraid you do not qualify.

[Maeve_Mari]

Originally Posted by Soldier

Again: Does anyone have advice from more of a counselling angle?

Potentially this is a violent crime and serious condition, not at all like helping someone select a palatable diet plan. You're 19 years old and a full time student. You are not a trained counselor. I like Achilleus' suggestion that you contact the RAINN center and let them do the counseling.

[keith]

Originally Posted by Soldier

Again: Does anyone have advice from more of a counselling angle?

Have you approached one of the rape counselling organisations?

This woman has obviously started to feel that she must escape her current situation - she has started talking to you about it. That suggests she may be starting to work herself up to confronting the problem. This is not that rare an occurance, one person gets picked to start the process - you just had the good/bad luck to be the person she picked to start talking about it with.

My advice - call a rape/abuse counselling organisation (try several if you can't find a helpful person) and talk to them about what to do and how to handle this situation. This might also help you with your stress and emotion.

[Soldier]

Originally Posted by Moonitic

You know of my experience with this, Soldier. Please take that into consideration when I say the following. It's not meant to offend.

This may cause an argument, but I have to say it anyway: You're not a professional, Soldier. I suggest you don't try to counsel her. Be a friend. Encourage her. DO NOT try to counsel her if you don't have the education & training to back it up. You could do far more harm than good. If her situation truly is as bad as you've stated, she needs to see a professional, & I'm afraid you do not qualify.

I understand. I simply chose the wrong term for the frienship/encouragement aspect.

[Elemental]

I don't have any advise to give that hasn't already been said.

I do wish you good luck and I hope things can be resolved for the good of the all.

[BrianH]

Be a friend: ready to listen, to console, to offer advice, to support her and take her part.

What bothers me about this situation: why her husband allows this to happen. Why does the attacker have such power over the two of them? It must be more than small-town-adverse-publicity, though that can be very powerful. Is the perp her father, her brother, the town's police chief, a minister or priest? Why the power, why the control? The threat of further violence?

Good luck with your research and decision on how to deal with this dilemma.

BrianH

[Soldier]

Yes, it bothers me, as well.

[40Saberthieves]

Ordinarily, if a person asks me not to telling something to someone, it is not told.

In a case like this, I would break my word. I think she is telling you this because she wants you to help her, and she is just too afraid/embaressed to do it herself.

Call the police/district attorney in her area, and tell them everything you know.

[Westley]

I don't know if this helps, and it'll probably make you all hate me, but I was in a situation where a girl I knew had been raped. I took a camera that looked like a walkman and videotaped this jackass, and got him to admit it (got the $hit beat out of me;( ). I got a friend to hack into the school computer system and send a virus that was pure genius, I mean, this kid is going to be the next Gates, but this virus was the video file, only it was programmed to go into your e-mail and send it to everyone in your address book. Then he gave it an "expiration date" so it wouldn't flood the net. The teacher's got it first, then the students, then the families. It was maybe the greatest thing I have ever seen. And nobody cared we had done it either- I was expecting like the FBI to come and arrest me or something. Soldier, afterwards the girl NEVER spoke to me again. She hated me. Hated my guts. All of a sudden everything was my fault. He was this good guy who just got out of hand. She went into this depression. She was still in it when I left. I don't know what happened to her afterward. Soldier, be damned sure what you think is best is what truly is best. In situations like this, logic is thrown out the window.

[Soldier]

Originally Posted by RogueNine

Ordinarily, if a person asks me not to telling something to someone, it is not told.

In a case like this, I would break my word. I think she is telling you this because she wants you to help her, and she is just too afraid/embaressed to do it herself.

Call the police/district attorney in her area, and tell them everything you know.

I have more information now, and will presently be contacting the police to see what can be done.

[achilleus]

Originally Posted by Westley

I don't know if this helps, and it'll probably make you all hate me, but I was in a situation where a girl I knew had been raped. I took a camera that looked like a walkman and videotaped this jackass, and got him to admit it (got the $hit beat out of me;( ). I got a friend to hack into the school computer system and send a virus that was pure genius, I mean, this kid is going to be the next Gates, but this virus was the video file, only it was programmed to go into your e-mail and send it to everyone in your address book. Then he gave it an "expiration date" so it wouldn't flood the net. The teacher's got it first, then the students, then the families. It was maybe the greatest thing I have ever seen. And nobody cared we had done it either- I was expecting like the FBI to come and arrest me or something. Soldier, afterwards the girl NEVER spoke to me again. She hated me. Hated my guts. All of a sudden everything was my fault. He was this good guy who just got out of hand. She went into this depression. She was still in it when I left. I don't know what happened to her afterward. Soldier, be damned sure what you think is best is what truly is best. In situations like this, logic is thrown out the window.

You seem to be truly proud of your behaviour and while I'm sure everyone agrees that the jackass in question deserves a just punishment, you seem to be missing a crucial concept about rape victims.

A person who is raped is often ashamed and very confused. One of the most important things to them is confidentiality. Sending a video confirmation of the act, to a number of people, violated that confidentiality and most likely any trust she had in you. It probably intensified her feelings of shame, and distrust in members of the opposite sex.

I hope you learned a valuable lesson.