Enter at Own Risk

[Soldier]

Originally Posted by Maeve_Mari

The basis of your obligation is not with this woman, but with the institution and the authorities. Don't let this situation drag you down. You don't know this woman, you aren't involved beyond a civil duty to report a possible violent crime.

Which I am working toward doing, without betraying her in the process.

[achilleus]

If you believe her, and if she's telling the truth, your choices are pretty limited if your goal is to actually help her.

People have to want to be helped. Alcoholics and drug addicts can't be forced clean. People that are conditioned for abusive relationships always seem to find another one.

She's talking to you just to have an anonymous person to complain to. She feels safe talking to since she feels you are far removed from the situation and can't act.

Acting on the information, which could be false, could have disastrous effects. Especially if when confronted by authorities she denies the whole thing or if it is a falsehood. Worse, if she denies it, how will the abuser respond next time the opportunity arises?

The safest course of action is working on her to take a stand for herself, and convice either her or her husband to take action. Recommending professional help, or talking to a professional would seem to be the best way to make this happen.

I'm sure there are rape crisis centers that you can find online and contact that may be able to give you better information on how to approach her and get her to put an end to it.

[damion18d]

Yes he is a cadet. What if this whole thing turns out to be some crackpot BS. Then what has he done to honor himself or the Air Force. Not to mention it's an internet aquaintance. It's not going to carry the merit of having first hand knowledge of something you "know" is happening. Soldier if you truely beleive you wade in and do what you feel is right. You obviously want to do the right thing and help this person. Done jump into it and be an alarmist as some obviously are without investigating all the angles. None of the people including me know your relationship with this person, what makes you feel that this is on the level, or what all you have done to help. Stay the course investigate try to persuade her to come forward on her own or all your efforts may mean nothing.

[damion18d]

Originally Posted by RebelFencer

"We must always fear the wicked. But there is another kind of evil that we must fear the most, and that is the indifference of good men."

Boondock Saints Nice pull.

[Soldier]

Originally Posted by RebelFencer

"We must always fear the wicked. But there is another kind of evil that we must fear the most, and that is the indifference of good men."

There's a good reason I so enjoy that movie.

And if I were indifferent, you wouldn't be reading this thread.

[Iwant2bafencer]

Have we stopped to think about this guy that's doing it to her? Everyone always says 'go straight to the cops'. That doesn't always give you some merry happy ending.

Most of the time when someone reports one of these (even annonymously) without the victim's concent, what if the attacker finds out? To be perfectly frank you can kiss the victim goodbye. Someone who is heartless enough to repeatedly abuse and rape another obviously doesn't care too much about the sercumstances.

Gently and carefully is the best way to do it.

Yes he has an honor code to follow in reporting it and also yes he has an honor code to the girl as well. Either way he goes right now is the risk of breaking a code his own or otherwise.

Soldier, for the time being, until you get more information, the best you can do is be there for her, let her know someone really does care and try (gently) to convince her to report it as you've been doing.

[Soldier]

I'm working on more information as we speak.

I know where I'm going in terms of reporting this or not - I'm trying to get this reported, but either anonymously or with her consent. End of discussion.

Where I need help: How to achieve this.

And in the process, any way, anything I might say, to ease her pain. The counselling perspective, essentially.

[D+F+P=Hadouken!]

Gently and carefully and without the victim knowing what happens. Make the bad man dissapear.

[scrapinpeg]

careful, soldier. damion is of outstanding character, and is right to consider all the possibilities, but in this situation it is known that you have information of a probable ongoing violent crime. damion's what ifs are unknown quanities. one's duty should be clear in such a situation.

[Soldier]

No, DFP. That is what authorities are for.

[Soldier]

I understand your point, Scrapinpeg. I am proceeding, but carefully, as Damion suggests.

But do not question Damion's merit.

[D+F+P=Hadouken!]

Originally Posted by Soldier

No, DFP. That is what authorities are for.

I dont think the authorities will even believe you. Someone that you met online could be being abused, but you dont have proof.... hmmmm.

[scrapinpeg]

Originally Posted by Soldier

But do not question Damion's merit.

wouldn't dream of it. and never have.

[Maeve_Mari]

I, too, wonder how real this woman's situation is, but think that Soldier can report it, explaining to the local authority everything he knows - "I was talking to this woman on line and she confided in me that she is being violently abused and attacked, I dont know if she is telling me the truth, but I fear for her safety, can you please go check it out?"

I agree with you Achilleus, if this situation is for real, and she is repeatedly allowing herself to be attacked, then it is like an addict, and she needs to step up to stop it herself. It would be a terrible shame for Soldier to get mixed up with a crazy loot, but shameful also if he had the ability to provide for her the safety she may need. It's 50/50 which one it is, I'd feel better erring bythe reporting it over helping her too late.

[Soldier]

There are other ways to deal with this, DFP. Be careful what you say; imagine what this would look like if somebody else killed him for some reason. You could suddenly be a suspect.

[Soldier]

Originally Posted by Maeve_Mari

I, too, wonder how real this woman's situation is, but think that Soldier can report it, explaining to the local authority everything he knows - "I was talking to this woman on line and she confided in me that she is being violently abused and attacked, I dont know if she is telling me the truth, but I fear for her safety, can you please go check it out?"

I agree with you Achilleus, if this situation is for real, and she is repeatedly allowing herself to be attacked, then it is like an addict, and she needs to step up to stop it herself. It would be a terrible shame for Soldier to get mixed up with a crazy loot, but shameful also if he had the ability to provide for her the safety she may need. It's 50/50 which one it is, I'd feel better erring on the reporting it.

I'm working on reporting it. I now have towns and a last name to work with. Once I am back around a phone, I will proceed. But I will also be careful.

[achilleus]

Originally Posted by Soldier

I'm working on more information as we speak.

I know where I'm going in terms of reporting this or not - I'm trying to get this reported, but either anonymously or with her consent. End of discussion.

Where I need help: How to achieve this.

And in the process, any way, anything I might say, to ease her pain. The counselling perspective, essentially.

I did a quick search.

http://www.rainn.org/

If this is your goal, then you should contact an organization that deals with rape and it's victims. They should be able to provide you with more insight than we here are able to.

[damion18d]

Originally Posted by scrapinpeg

damion, that's a lot of "what ifs" to justify a course of inaction, rather than doing all one can to stop a course of violence.

just think of the suffering that goes on every day because of attitudes like that.

The what if and whos and hows and wheres are how you come up with a course of action. That's called thinking of all the angles before one acts too hastily. Something like this could have disaterous affects for a cadet if it's a hoax. Also you want to side step the idea of your integrity being part of your honor system. That means my word has to stand against almost anything. If he has promised not to expose this and then does so what then of his integrity and honor.

On a personal note don't you ever, think to question my actions to stop needless violence. I don't think you have got the steel or the fortitude for it.

[D+F+P=Hadouken!]

Originally Posted by Soldier

There are other ways to deal with this, DFP. Be careful what you say; imagine what this would look like if somebody else killed him for some reason. You could suddenly be a suspect.

And I'd be innocent.

[Soldier]

Originally Posted by achilleus

I did a quick search.

http://www.rainn.org/

If this is your goal, then you should contact an organization that deals with rape and it's victims. They should be able to provide you with more insight than we here are able to.

Thank you.