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Thread: Nude Fencing

  1. #1
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    Nude Fencing

    It would appear to me that in order for us to get better TV coverage it will be necessary to perform either in the nude or at least bikinis. Since the only time we get NBC to put us on depends on how much they can earn from sponsors, and the largest audience seems to be men who are watching sweating hard bodies performing sports that expose the most epidermis. Taping, allows that slow motion action we all love. So I think a petition should be started, so that in 4 years we will be on 24/7....
    Last edited by Tony C; 08-20-2004 at 04:34 AM. Reason: delete

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    Gav
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    What a silly idea...

    Off to the watercooler.
    I am The Hairy King of the Scots. You may kiss my Royal Seal.

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    Come on GAY, you can't recognise drily?

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    Senior Member cornflower's Avatar
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    No way, I think the uniforms should stay! It's one of the coolest parts of fencing, being able to dress up in a b!tchin' set of knickers, tunic, socks and mask! The knickers look sooo sexy on guys, really. Tournaments are veritable grazing grounds for cute bums!

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    Senior Member HillBilly's Avatar
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    yeah.... go b!tchin' knickers...
    thetheory.tk

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    Gav
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tony C
    Come on GAY, you can't recognise drily?
    That sentence makes no sense. And I really hope that is typo in there.
    Last edited by Gav; 08-20-2004 at 03:23 PM.
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    Nude fencing isn't the answer... you never see any of the athletes from the other Olympic sports competing nude, do you? What we need is SPANDEX uniforms. For example, look a the swimmers, the gymnasts, the beach volleyball players....
    (beach volleyball players.... now THOSE are uniforms)

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    Of course, in the original Olympics all the athletes from "the other sports" DID compete nude...

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    Yes, but I don't think we want a return to that - just look at "Ancient Greek-Style" wrestling.... or rather, look the other way, as quickly as you can. Nobody wants to see that.

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    Well, there seems to be a pretty big market for the coed and women-only version, ie porn...

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    Max
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    Instead of making it a sport, let's make it a movie. "The Naked Sword" Starring Jessica Alba, Leslie Nielson, J Lo, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Bernie Mac, Sandra Bullock, Beyonce, Halle Berry, Angelina Joli, and Tom Cruise. (With guest stars Leonardo DiCaprio, Ben Affleck, Bill Murray, and Ray Liotta.) Come on, what straight man alive could resist seeing Beyonce and Halle Berry naked fighting each other with sabers. Ticket sales would make "The Passion of the Christ" look like "From Justin To Kelly." Entire Adult video chains would go bankrupt. Thousands of bizarre, sketchy looking men in trenchcoats congregating together in one movie, with three actual fencers in the back. The next week, millions of people make a startling discovery- Fencing is an Olympic sport!
    Last edited by Max; 08-20-2004 at 05:11 PM.
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    Sure, but just take out Leslie, Bernie, Tom, Lennie....

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    Max
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    You need Bernie to lighten the plot, you know, comic relief. Mix things up a little, make it a little more interesting. And if you have a genius like Bernie, it can never hurt to add another guy he can work with- that's where Bill comes in. You need Tom for a love interest with one of the fencers- I think him and Sandra would have good chemistry, even though there are hotter women in the cast. Leo and Jessica Alba would work together because they're so drastically different it would be unexpected. Pull people further into the movie.
    Last edited by Max; 08-20-2004 at 05:16 PM.
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    Senior Member Iwant2bafencer's Avatar
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    Do you realize how bad nude fencing would hurt? Not only the eyes but physically as well. The swords would have to be rubber or something.
    "Wars may be fought with weapons, but they are won by men. It is the spirit of men who follow and of the man who leads that gains the victory." - George S. Patton

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    Senior Member ReverseLunge's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Iwant2bafencer
    Do you realize how bad nude fencing would hurt? Not only the eyes but physically as well. The swords would have to be rubber or something.
    Yeah. If a foil goes up your anus into your stomach then you are in big trouble.

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    I don't even want to think about it.. ouch!!! Ai.. It hurts enough when I don't wear a chest protector, but wearing nothing... you would have scars and your skin would die from the pain. ouch...

    (RL~ please be decent.)
    Proditio plerumque amatur, proditor odio habetur.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Iwant2bafencer
    Do you realize how bad nude fencing would hurt? Not only the eyes but physically as well. The swords would have to be rubber or something.
    As long as I had a mask on, I wouldn't mind the pain of fencing sabre without any clothing (though I might want a cup)... though every other aspect of fencing without clothing would not appeal to me. In conclusion, it's a horrible idea.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Max
    You need Bernie to lighten the plot, you know, comic relief. Mix things up a little, make it a little more interesting. And if you have a genius like Bernie, it can never hurt to add another guy he can work with- that's where Bill comes in. You need Tom for a love interest with one of the fencers- I think him and Sandra would have good chemistry, even though there are hotter women in the cast. Leo and Jessica Alba would work together because they're so drastically different it would be unexpected. Pull people further into the movie.
    Bah! Remember, we're going to be looking at them naked!

    You want comic relief, get, I don't know, Caroline Rhea. Or Bonnie McFarland!

    You want love interest? I vote for Eliza Dushku!

    For Jessica, hmm...Lucy Lawless?

    We can do this, I tell you, Max!

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    Absolutely fab idea. Penny Marshall could be the director.

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    I got an idea.

    We could make it a little less extreme. I was watching NBC, by which I mean Beach Volleyball. I noticed that after every touh, the women would go and slap each other right on the arse! In the middle of the stadium! I think that we should promote that in fencing. Maybe whenever ROW is called, the fencer that it is called against recieves a spanking from the director. It would make the bouts longer, but as long as we get those TV audiences!

    Another idea-if the FIE thinks saber should have see-through masks, why not see-through everything? Fencing matches would be fenced dry, but I think it'd be well worth it. Especially if we could get Hally and Co. in on it.

    Wait! Another moment of brilliance! Both at the same time! Hally Berry (sp?) fencing with see-through clothing, being slapped on the arse after every touch. NBC would sure as hell cover that!

    I think we created a NEW sport here: forn-fencing porn. It's genius, and it will help normal fencing's cause.

    So in summary:

    swords + protection = boring, expensive, unpopular sport

    see-through clothes + spankings + swords + Halle Berry = forn = hot


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