07-16-2004, 09:29 AM
|
#1 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: New Jersey
Posts: 4,946
| President outsourced
A special fantasy, especially for those who feel the government should use all of private enterprise's methods for cost reduction:
Washington D.C. -- Congress today announced that the Office of President of the United States will be outsourced to overseas as of June 30th, the end of this fiscal year. The move is being made to save $400K a year in salary, a record $521 Billion in deficit expenditures and related overhead.
"The cost savings will be quite significant" says Congressman Adam Smith (D - Wash) who, with the aid Congress research arm, the General Accounting Office has studied outsourcing of American jobs extensively.
"We simply can no longer afford this level of outlay and remain competitive in the world stage," Congressman Smith said. Exporting American jobs has been a popular trend lately, ironically at the urging of President Bush.
Mr. Bush was informed by email this morning of the termination of his position. He will receive health coverage, expenses and salary until his final day of employment. After that, with a two week waiting period, he will then be eligible for $240 dollars a week from unemployment insurance for 13 weeks. Unfortunately he will not be able to receive state Medicaid health insurance coverage as his unemployment benefits are over the required limit.
"I'm in shock," Mr. Bush stated. "I thought fer sure I'd have some job security around this here place. I have no idea what I'll do now," he further lamented.
Sanji Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India, will be assuming the Office of President of the United States as of July 1. Mr. Singh was born in the United States while his parents were here on student visas, thus making him eligible for the position. He will receive a salary of $320 USD a month but with no health coverage or other benefits. Due to the time difference between the US and India, Mr. Singh will be working primarily at night, when offices of the US Government will be open.
"I am excited to serve in this position," Mr. Singh stated in an exclusive interview. "Working nights will let me keep my day job at the American Express call center. I always knew I could be President someday."
Congress stressed patience when calling Mr. Singh as he may not be fully aware of all the issues involved with his new position. A Congressional Spokesperson noted that Mr. Singh has been given a script tree to follow which will allow him to respond to most topics of concern.
The Spokesperson further noted that "additional savings will be realized as these scripting tools have already been used previously by Mr. Bush here in the US. Such scripts will enable Mr. Singh to provide an answer without having to fully understand the issue itself."
Congress continues to explore other outsourcing possibilities including that of Vice-president and most Cabinet positions.
__________________
"In theory, theory and practice are the same, but in practice, theory and practice are different."
| 
|  | | And now for this message... |
| |
07-16-2004, 09:39 AM
|
#2 | | Curmudgeon-in-Chief
Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Somewhere in your nightmares!
Posts: 22,254
| LOL. 
( Plus more characters. ) | |
| | |
07-16-2004, 10:38 AM
|
#3 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: The More Civilized South
Posts: 1,289
| Sanji will probably show more insight and have more appreciation of the responsibilty of the position than any of the current crop of wannabes.
__________________
BUSH WINS! 'I can't believe that some uneducated southern redneck's vote counts as much as mine'
— Anonymous Upper West Sider, 9/20/04."
| |
| | |
07-16-2004, 10:40 AM
|
#4 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: The More Civilized South
Posts: 1,289
| As long as he doesn't promote special tax breaks for his wife's tikka sauce company.
__________________
BUSH WINS! 'I can't believe that some uneducated southern redneck's vote counts as much as mine'
— Anonymous Upper West Sider, 9/20/04."
| |
| | |
07-16-2004, 02:43 PM
|
#5 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: California
Posts: 292
| What site is that off of? | |
| | |
07-17-2004, 06:14 AM
|
#6 | | Curmudgeon-in-Chief
Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Somewhere in your nightmares!
Posts: 22,254
| What, you're so sure that Jeff couldn't have written it himself? How cynical! | |
| | |
07-17-2004, 09:20 AM
|
#7 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: New Jersey
Posts: 4,946
| Nah, I didn't write it - a friend sent it to me, and I thought it was worth sharing. Maybe I should come up with a few parodies myself...
__________________
"In theory, theory and practice are the same, but in practice, theory and practice are different."
| |
| | |
07-17-2004, 10:16 AM
|
#8 | | Curmudgeon-in-Chief
Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Somewhere in your nightmares!
Posts: 22,254
| Dateline, Saturday, July 17th, 2004, somewhere in America
Witnesses report that Inquartata bought a colored lame today.
"I thought it looked really, really cool", he was heard to say. "I'm going to wear it always."
Update at 11...if the world hasn't ended by then.
( Just thought I'd beat you to it, Jeff. Think of it as a pre-emptive strike. ) | |
| | |
07-17-2004, 05:31 PM
|
#9 | | Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: New Jersey
Posts: 4,946
| Good one, Inq!
Weren't you and Tireur seen together passing out Kerry/Edwards literature and "I (heart) Moore" bumperstickers?
__________________
"In theory, theory and practice are the same, but in practice, theory and practice are different."
| |
| | |
07-19-2004, 04:50 AM
|
#10 | | Curmudgeon-in-Chief
Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Somewhere in your nightmares!
Posts: 22,254
| Yes, but they were impregnated with certain psychohypnotic drugs which are absorbed through the skin, so keep it under your hat. | |
| | | Thread Tools | | | | Display Modes |  Linear Mode | 
Posting Rules
| You may not post new threads You may not post replies You may not post attachments You may not edit your posts
HTML code is Off | | | All times are GMT -4. The time now is 06:29 PM. |
