Dealing with losing

[Hurriranger]

well the u17 state champs were yesterday. i did terrible. most of the people there goes to my club and i could beat them easily but yesterday, i lost. one of my good friends elimated me first round D/E's and came overall 3rd. i have to admit i am very envious of him for now he gets into the school team and im left out. I've always beaten him but just dunno what happened yesterday.

So now there goes a year of training. i've tried to blame the refs in my own mind but now after thinking it through, ive only got myself to blame. I just can't get the thought out of my head that i know i could of won it but i just somehow didn't. I've been obsessed about fencing for the last year and then i lose to people i nomally beat and they dont even train much.

There's nothing that can be done now and i tell myself what's done is done and move on. but i still have that feeling inside my chest that makes me want to just scream and kick and bash anything in sight. Any ideas how i can just get over it? mind you my friend willl be a constant reminder that i screwed up on my one big chance.

[D+F+P=Hadouken!]

Well, think about what its like for your friend. I've had to go against my best buddy in a DE. Mens epee. Divisionals. It made the difference of him going to nationals or not. In hindsight, I wish I had lost, cause I felt so bad for him cause he didnt get to go. Sometimes, winning is even more sour than losing.

[noodle]

well the u17 state champs were yesterday. i did terrible. most of the people there goes to my club and i could beat them easily but yesterday, i lost. one of my good friends elimated me first round D/E's and came overall 3rd. i have to admit i am very envious of him for now he gets into the school team and im left out. I've always beaten him but just dunno what happened yesterday.

So now there goes a year of training. i've tried to blame the refs in my own mind but now after thinking it through, ive only got myself to blame. I just can't get the thought out of my head that i know i could of won it but i just somehow didn't. I've been obsessed about fencing for the last year and then i lose to people i nomally beat and they dont even train much.

There's nothing that can be done now and i tell myself what's done is done and move on. but i still have that feeling inside my chest that makes me want to just scream and kick and bash anything in sight. Any ideas how i can just get over it? mind you my friend willl be a constant reminder that i screwed up on my one big chance.

there are a bazillion reasons why it might've happened, but it comes down to the fact that he was better than you that day. there's not much you can do or say beyond that and learn to accept losing. everyone loses. even the best. i've lost before. i've screwed up very important bouts. i've performed well below my personal expectations disappointing myself and my team. but i got over every one of those and am still fencing and performing well. don't let one loss get you down. instead, learn from it. figure out what you did wrong. ask what you did wrong. grow and learn from your loss and don't let it happen again

[MikeHarm]

The lesson here is, never ever underestimate someone you fence regularly.

[noodle]

i think he meant "someone you regularly fence"

this is also very true. i fence completely different in practice than i do in tournaments. i like to work what i need work in. this generally means i'm pretty crappy in practice as compared to how i fence in tournaments. different mentality, though i always fight for my points, practice or not.

[Zelda]

Ok, who did you lose to and who was the ref? Dont fret about not going to u/17's. Its not all that its pumped up to be!!!!

[Hurriranger]

u guys are right. but that's the year for me. it's over. i have to wait a whole year to redeem myself. wish i can do it all over again. i considered quitting fencing last nite coz i was just so dissapointed.

zelda: just my mate from grammar, u wouldn't know him. and the ref was fadge. but i can't realy blame him. if i was a better fencer, it wouldn't of mattered who the ref was.

[noodle]

can't fence at a club or anything?

[D+F+P=Hadouken!]

Dont quit. Just hang in there tight man. Listen, train like the devil, and come back next year to give them righteous fury to the bone. Its a fluke that you lost, but you did, so its no use crying over spilled milk. Chill man, I know the feeling of putting a lot of work into something. When I went to my first tournament, before that, I trained every day, 4 hours a day, for three months, and I came in dead last. At my next tournament, I took first. Sometimes you eat the bear, sometimes he eats you. Just keep hope alive man! And dont quit. that too.

[ReverseLunge]

well the u17 state champs were yesterday. i did terrible. most of the people there goes to my club and i could beat them easily but yesterday, i lost. one of my good friends elimated me first round D/E's and came overall 3rd. i have to admit i am very envious of him for now he gets into the school team and im left out. I've always beaten him but just dunno what happened yesterday.

So now there goes a year of training. i've tried to blame the refs in my own mind but now after thinking it through, ive only got myself to blame. I just can't get the thought out of my head that i know i could of won it but i just somehow didn't. I've been obsessed about fencing for the last year and then i lose to people i nomally beat and they dont even train much.

There's nothing that can be done now and i tell myself what's done is done and move on. but i still have that feeling inside my chest that makes me want to just scream and kick and bash anything in sight. Any ideas how i can just get over it? mind you my friend willl be a constant reminder that i screwed up on my one big chance.

Go to the bathroom, get some toilet paper......and dry your tears.

[D+F+P=Hadouken!]

As for how to get rid of it? Winning, thats the best way.

[oiuyt]

Think the mentality of "I need to win this or it's OVER!!!" might have had something to do with your performance?

Losing sucks. Losing at something important (especially something that qualifies one to a further opportunity) sucks more. It happens. Nothing you can do now will change that. Let it go, focus on the future. You've got another 50-60 years of competitive career ahead of you (gotta love lifetime sports), there will be other times. Will you get another shot at this opportunity? No. So what.

Start setting goals for next season. Start making plans for how to achieve those goals. Better yet, set goals for several years out and build backwards until you have goals for next season, then next month. Use yesterday as a part of your motivation for working towards your next goal (and the goal after that...). Get yourself to do that extra set of drills tomorrow so that yesterday doesn't happen again.

The mental game is huge in fencing (as in many sports, or life, or any competitive environment). Overfocusing on a specific outcome from a specific occurance is a good way to ruin the mental state that you need to be in to perform.

As a part of this I strongly recommend reading "The Inner Game of Tennis" by Timothy Gallwey. Yeah, it's not our sport, but with few exceptions (the mechanics of a tennis serve) nearly the entire book is applicable to fencers. Well worth the $11 or so on Amazon. There're a bunch of other great books on mental training available, but start with that one.

Go back to your next practice, work on what was getting you hit. Work on what was allowing you to score touches. Improve your weaknesses, improve your strengths. Lather, rinse, repeat.

-B :)

[Aeric]

Hey, at least it's better to miss it because you tried, rather than to miss it because you were injured or had a family emergency. The training you get now will only lead to victories in the future. Be patient. It's all for the experience.

[dunastor]

I agree with oiuyt, if you expect to win, or are too eager to win, things are bound to get dissapointing..

Try not to focus too much on winning, but concentrate on the fencing itself, point by point. The victory will come eventually.

[Talyn]

Ok, who did you lose to and who was the ref? Dont fret about not going to u/17's. Its not all that its pumped up to be!!!!

It's different when you're still in that age category

Anyway, I kinda know how you feel... But I think it comes down to the fact that he had *NOTHING* to lose, you did. Hence you were probably so nervous that you just couldn't concentrate.

Btw, I school team missed out on going to the nationals... Had to come first or second in both competitions - we came 3rd both times. I wasn't dissapointed a single bit however, because I know 2/4 people in my team just didn't deserve to go. Hell, in my books they didn't deserve to get the bronze medals saying that they put in a fraction of the work some of us have and when your team loses 45-25 but you personally got 20 points... well that just kinda ticks you off a bit.

hmm... you guys have mixed comps in brisbane... you're sooooo lucky - I would love to have mixed comps in sydney but imho there seems to be quite a big gap with mens foil and womens foil...

EDIT: You get another year in the under 17's??? Bah... I'm tooooo old...

Hmmmm Brisbane grammer? Would be intresting if we had SGS vs BGS vs MGS fence off

[Hurriranger]

yea im BGS. we have mixed comps for epee and sabre but for foil it's separate coz we have enuff girls for a proper competition.

and yea i get another chance at it. i turn 17 next janurary but not the 1st of jan so im still considered u17. it's been 2 days now and im feeling better. sorta have the urge to take up archery lol! thanx guys, i guess this will be one of those things where i look back and laugh at how much i reacted...hopefully

edit: yea BGS vs SGS vs MGS would be awesome. we'll see how this year's schools cup go. we won it last year:P

[D'Artag-NOT]

When I consider quitting because I've done badly, I remember this exchange of dialogue from the movie "Chariots of Fire". Harry Abramson, a fanatically dedicated runner, has just lost an important race against someone he's never raced before. He can't see any way that he can ever get up to the level to defeat this unknown runner--and winning is all in all to him. He's considering quitting the sport altogether.

Harry (to his girlfriend): "If I can't win, I won't run."

Girlfriend, icily: "If you won't run, you can't win."

Hope this helps you as it does me.

[daeceg]

Agreed. The year is only wasted if you didn't learn anything from it. It took me three years to get to a national debate tournament...(sigh), and I doubt I'll ever compete USFA.

Useless trivia, on the other hand...got to nats my first time out...College Bowl: The Varsity Sport of the Mind!

[Talyn]

edit: yea BGS vs SGS vs MGS would be awesome. we'll see how this year's schools cup go. we won it last year:P

I really doubt you'll win this year:P HIlls Grammar has an insanely strong team, anyway I'll see you there on friday. I won't be fencing but I'll be supporting them:P

[Hurriranger]

but wont be there on friday.... school trip is 800 dollars and parents will only send me this year or next year but not both. im thinking i'd stand a better chance next year of doing well so it's next year!