TWO things:

[Artisan]

OK, new topic: perhaps politics or religion free - maybe more fun?:

Saw this somewhere; attempts to state the essentials of a field or endeavor in just two statements. For example:

The Two Things about Civil Engineering:
1. Dirt + Water = Mud.
2. You can’t push a rope.

Two Things about Women:
1. When complaining, they don’t want your advice, they want your sympathy.
2. Don’t you dare tell them you can sum them up with just Two Things.

The Two Things about Binary Systems:
One: 0
Two: 1

The Two Things about Web programming:
1) Control-C
2) Control-V

Two things about Plumbing:
1) Hot goes on the left
2) $hit flows downhill

Get it?
What are THE two things about Fencing?
1) distance
2) Timing

or Epee
1) hit them
2) before they hit you

or, The two things about Foil:
1) parry
2) repost

[jetzm]

Sabre:

1. Fence!
2. Halt!

[MyraTrue]

My experiences with coaches?

1. WRONG! ( )
2. Do it AGAIN!! ( )

*goes back to being "hard working"*

[Army Fencer]

Two things when reffing:
1. I am right.
2. You are wrong.

[fixxmyweapon]

Two things when reffing:
1. I am right.
2. You are wrong.

lol. love it.

[neevel]

Two things when reffing:
1. I am right.
2. You are wrong.

You forgot 2-B:

That videotape is obviously doctored.

[Army Fencer]

Two things about disco:
1. Dis go here
2. Dat go there

Two things about armory:
1. Dis go here
2. Dat go there

[Epee_Pox]

1) Fake out the other guy
2) So he impales himself on your sword

[noodle]

two things about epee:
1) hit them before they hit you
2) except when fencing me

two things about directing epee:
1) just because "anyone can do it" doesn't mean you should
2) don't fall asleep

two things about foil:
1) advance advance advance advance advance extend lunge
2) half retreat circle 6 shoulder flick

two things about directing foil:
1) final action: "attack (from right/left) is good, touch (right/left)"
2) final action: "attack (from right/left) is parried, riposte good, touch (right/left)"

two things about sabre:
1) get a well-known reputation
2) hit them

two things about directing sabre:
1) wear bulletproof vest and depends.
2) crowd pleaser: reach into pockets, search around, with "oh no" look on face, look up, reach towards fencer's ear, pull out black card.

[FoilyGeezer]

1.) You're d@mned if you do.
2.) You're d@mned if you don't.

[Artisan]

Two things about fencing clubs:
1) The guy in black is called Maestro
2) There are no chandeliers

[Hamley]

Foil
1. Poke.
2. Parry poke.

Epee.
1. Poke
2. Better then saber and foil =)


Noah

[blue_falcon]

Law:

1. It's ugly
2. It costs money.

Health (also applies to fencing skill):

1. You don't have enough of it
2. You wish you had more of it.

[onesandzeros]

Left Handed Foil Fencer Fencing a Righty
______________________________

1) Beat feint flick to 6.

2) Finish in 4.

[Victor]

The secrets of exquisite fencing footwork:
1. Advance
2. Retreat

Outcomes:
1. If you win, it's because you're a fencing genius.
2. If you lose, it's because the floor was slippery, the ref was blind, the sun was in your eyes ...

Stupid joke:
1. picket,
2. or chain link?

Out of time:
1. Heads
2. Tails

[Victor]

Opponents' two perspectives in a saber bout:
1. "Well?! Did I yell loudly enough? It was my attack, right?"
2. "Well?! Did I yell loudly enough? It was my attack, right?"

[Epee_Pox]

Foil
1. Poke.
2. Parry poke.

Epee.
1. Poke
2. Better then saber and foil =)


Noah

My favorite!

[D'Artag-NOT]

Flame wars:

(1) People who agree with my position in every particular, down to the tiniest spelling error, are intelligent, noble, right, good, true, virtuous, patriotic, and wise.

(2) Everyone else is a stupid, evil, ill-informed, misbegotten, scum-sucking bottom feeder who deserves nothing better than the withering scorn of the Righteous [see (1)] before being flung into the nethermost pits of Hell to burn forever.

[achilleus]

Flame wars:

(1) People who agree with my position in every particular, down to the tiniest spelling error, are intelligent, noble, right, good, true, virtuous, patriotic, and wise.

(2) Everyone else is a stupid, evil, ill-informed, misbegotten, scum-sucking bottom feeder who deserves nothing better than the withering scorn of the Righteous [see (1)] before being flung into the nethermost pits of Hell to burn forever.

That's an accurate description of a lot more than just flame wars...

[Capt. Slo-mo]

Two things commonly connected in Veteran's Fencing:

1. Deep Lunges

2. Palsied search for the Ibuprofen bottle

(The brittle, breaking pretzel-like sound heard between the two actions is merely a conjunctive event!)