Bonsai Kittens

[sabreklutz]

Haven't seen the video, nor do I condone such actions.

As a side note, however, I read in physics that a cat's chances of survival in a fall actually increase with altitude, up to about seven stories. I believe this information came from a combination of mathematical work and veterinary data from cats that fell accidentally.

To a certain point (can't remember exactly what that point is) a cat's chances of survival do increse the longer the fall, the way they right themselves in the air so as to land on their feet takes a certain amount of time so if the fall is off say a first floor window they won't always have time to flip and will land on their back or side, however, if the fall is longer than that point it doesn't matter, the impact is too great. Sorry, bit of a tangent there.

[noodle]

you guys, you guys...

if there was an internet site that gave instructions on how to throw a kitten off a bridge would you seriously feel the need to try and shut that one down too?

the site is a blatent satire and someone who would seriously try and make a bonzai kitten is "crazy," just like anyone else who thinks making a bonzai kitten is seriously possible.

don't believe everything you read on the internet

[MikeHarm]

A cat can survive much greater falls than one story.

Here is a picture of a cat fall clearly illustrated to show what happens:

http://www.ocf.berkeley.edu/~barneye/kitty.html

On the physics side of it, here's something to back up what I'm saying:

A cat's body like a human body is an accelerometer, not a speedometer, say David Halliday et al. in "Fundamentals of Physics Extended: 5th Edition." We don't directly sense speeds, even at thousands of mph orbiting the Earth, but we certainly feel the liftoff acceleration.

A falling cat senses the initial rapid acceleration, and in its fright keeps its feet underneath its body, head tucked in, spine bent upward, making injury on landing very likely. But as with a skydiving human, the faster the cat falls, the greater becomes the air resistance, until cat weight and cat drag equalize, at "terminal velocity."

Now the no-longer-accelerating cat starts to relax, stretches its legs and neck horizontally and straightens its spine--like a flying squirrel, says Halliday. This greatly increases the effective body area to the air, ups drag and slows the fall, from maybe about 60 mph to 40 mph. "Just when it sees it is nearing the ground, the cat pulls its legs back beneath its body to prepare for the landing."

So for cats falling at least eight floors, their chance of serious injury actually decreases with further height! "There is even a record of a cat who fell 32 floors and suffered only slight damage to its thorax and one tooth."

To a certain point (can't remember exactly what that point is) a cat's chances of survival do increse the longer the fall, the way they right themselves in the air so as to land on their feet takes a certain amount of time so if the fall is off say a first floor window they won't always have time to flip and will land on their back or side, however, if the fall is longer than that point it doesn't matter, the impact is too great. Sorry, bit of a tangent there.

[a517dogg]

the example of the falling cat is frequently used in alexander technique books. inthe strobe pictures, note how the cat leads with his head and the rest of his body follows.

(alexander technique is really cool)

[sabreklutz]

A cat can survive much greater falls than one story.

Here is a picture of a cat fall clearly illustrated to show what happens:

http://www.ocf.berkeley.edu/~barneye/kitty.html

On the physics side of it, here's something to back up what I'm saying:

A cat's body like a human body is an accelerometer, not a speedometer, say David Halliday et al. in "Fundamentals of Physics Extended: 5th Edition." We don't directly sense speeds, even at thousands of mph orbiting the Earth, but we certainly feel the liftoff acceleration.

A falling cat senses the initial rapid acceleration, and in its fright keeps its feet underneath its body, head tucked in, spine bent upward, making injury on landing very likely. But as with a skydiving human, the faster the cat falls, the greater becomes the air resistance, until cat weight and cat drag equalize, at "terminal velocity."

Now the no-longer-accelerating cat starts to relax, stretches its legs and neck horizontally and straightens its spine--like a flying squirrel, says Halliday. This greatly increases the effective body area to the air, ups drag and slows the fall, from maybe about 60 mph to 40 mph. "Just when it sees it is nearing the ground, the cat pulls its legs back beneath its body to prepare for the landing."

So for cats falling at least eight floors, their chance of serious injury actually decreases with further height! "There is even a record of a cat who fell 32 floors and suffered only slight damage to its thorax and one tooth."

Sorry, guess I didn't make what i was saying very clear, actually i was trying to make the same point you were, just didn't type it right.

[electricepeeist]

A girl in my school spent 2 years petitioning against bonsai kittens...she shoved the petition in everyone's faces sooo many times, I didn't sign because, really, who would be so stupid to make a business of selling deformed cats, and who would be so stupid to buy or make one? It doesn't make sense ---> joke.

[npkeith]

Has anyone read William Gibson's Neuromancer? Arguably the first cyberpunk novel, of which all others are pale imitations.... Cyberpunk is typified by dystopias of the not-too distant future where genetic engineering is commonplace, and people can modify themselves with electronic or biologic implants (if they have the cash...). There is a character in the latter part of the book called Hideo - who is said to be a "vat-grown ninja" - able to shoot the pips out of playing cards at 50 yards with a bow and arrow, etc. etc.

Anyway, I remember reading a spoof later on in which one character commented about these dangerous little "vat-grown bonsai ninjas" - little bastards can hide anywhere and can kill you silently with a rolled up newspaper and an eye dropper full of washing-up liquid.

The only problem is that anytime I hear about Bonsai-anything, the phrase "vat-grown bonsai ninjas" floats into my consiousness. Its like the song you can't get out of your head. Mores the pity, it will now probably turn into "vat-grown bonsai ninja kittens!" AAAARRRRRGGGHH!

[Soldier]

Good story.

[Louweasel]

The site is a joke, but my point was that anyone could come across this site and try it. Not everyone knows it is a hoax. It needs to be shut down because it has a detailed description on how to create a bonsai kitten that anyone could try.

Oh, please! Do you seriously think anyone is that stupid?? Or are you speaking from experience - would you or anyone you know do something like that just because it was on a website? If you/they did, the fault wouldn't be with the site - you'd have to be sick in the head in the first place! Your own sadistic attitudes would be far and away the more serious issue.

If I emailed you with instructions on how best to fling your granny out of an upstairs window? No. Because, if you have a granny, I'm sure you love her and wouldn't wish her harm, but even if that's not thecase, it would hopefully be against your own instincts as it would be cruel and wrong, plus it's illegal. It's very patronising to imply anyone would blindly commit an act of cruelty just because they read about it, if they had no thought of/inclination to commit such an act before. People have brains in their heads you know.

[*****y comment alert] Except you, apparently.


Anyway, on a lighter note, did anyone ever get that pseudo science cat joke thing that was going round the emails a while back? V funny. It had the theory that as cats always land on their feet and toast always lands butter-side down, if you butter the back of a cat, both sides would be repelled by thefloor and it would spin and hover above ground level. It expanded the theory to include a sort of hovering monorail train system supported by a network of buttered cats, and a bomb squad of buttered cats flying through the air with missiles strapped to them, to release them over enemy territory...

Better stop now before jenna starts an anti-buttered-cat petition. Or gets out the Lurpak and goes looking for Fluffy...

[The Outsider]

I haven't read this thread in its entirety yet, but I'm pretty sure this is a joke. I remember about 3-4 years some people getting very upset about a site or forward about bonsai kittens that turned out to be a joke. And, yes, this is a mean idea, even if it is to cats (just kidding).

[Masterurethane]

I love satire so much.

The thing about using the feline torsion device to make a spiral kitten made me chuckle.

Don't blame people for being outraged by it, if people weren't outraged, then it probably wouldn't exist.

[mrbiggs]

If anyone else has read Much Ado About Nothing, the edition I have mentions that in Shakespeare's time, cats in wicker baskets were often used as target practice.

WHISHHHHH-CHINK MEOW "Nice shot, Juliet! Thine doth shoot the cat so well, you doth teach the torches to shine bright!"

Or whatever. For some reason, I guess, many humans don't like cats.

I think the site is a joke. When they started talking about using it as furniture...there's just no way. Also, there's no other site, as far as I can tell, devoted to Bonzai Cats. All the protest sites reference the same one. And plus, isn't it a bit suspicious that you need "special permission" from the webmaster to see what happens to the cats? I don't beleive it. Boba wouldn't, either.

[qatet]

HAHAHAHA

The Bonsai Kitten site was started by somebody I knew at MIT. He got insane amounts of emailed threats, and was being watched by various government groups. Yes, it's a joke! And please note that there is no way to contact him (other than email, which isn't good for much) on the website, so nobody can order themselves a kitten or learn more about making them.

Good lord. I had no idea that the site was still up! His protest emails must be in the tens of thousands by now.