parents

[Tireur]

God forbid, I'm not saying they're always right. Or that you're wrong. Just sometimes they are right.......................

I found out my parents were, in at least as many ways as they were wrong.

[wpotere]

Have you ever given them reason not to trust you in regards to your grades and outside activities? If you have, then I suggest that you setup a schedule on a piece of paper with training and schoolwork outlined. Cut out all the things that are not necessary like TV and Xbox etc. Then sit down with your parents and discuss what you can do to continue your fencing program. If you have damaged that trust, you will need to earn it back and a great start is by being responsible enough to outline everything that you want to do and talking with them BOTH about it. However, there is a downside...


You have to stick with the schedule that you create! The minuet that you deviate from it, that trust that you were building will be damaged again or even destroyed. This also means that your grades will need to continually improve or at least stay steady (if they are already acceptable).

If you already have too many external activities (Band, or other sports) then you may need to cut back. If you really want to fence, then the other activity needs to be let go to make way for the new one.

Either way, good luck.

[gojujay]

Originally Posted by jojo13

Yeah i've tried showing them the pros/cons of fencing, but they are very stubborn and they said, "you have to make lots of sacrifices in life, and fencing is something you're going to have to give up." this makes me SO FRUSTRATED and i know for sure they will not let me take my equipment to college, or fence this summer...and it's like...i hate you!

Originally Posted by jojo13

thanks to everyone for their comments and suggestions! i am still working on the situation, firstly by goading my parents to tell me why they are so against me fencing. i don't think they are worried i cannot manage school and sports, cause i always get A's and B's...i think that they don't want me to make fencing such a priority that it will become a career. they want me to focus on my studies and get a good job...and THEN do the things i want to do. ok, that makes sense, but...it's not possible to study all the freaking time, and i think that's where we come to a disagreement

Maybe you should show them these posts. I know tha, as a parent when I see my daughter's writings they usually give me a profound insight to what is going on. They sometimes even make me examine my methods.

(aside to Tireur: give me a profound insight or give me an profound insight )

[D'Artag-NOT]

Originally Posted by jojo13

goading my parents to tell me why they are so against me fencing. i don't think they are worried i cannot manage school and sports, cause i always get A's and B's...i think that they don't want me to make fencing such a priority that it will become a career. they want me to focus on my studies and get a good job...and THEN do the things i want to do. ok, that makes sense, but...it's not possible to study all the freaking time, and i think that's where we come to a disagreement.

Jojo,

I sense a lot of anger in your post. "Goading" your parents?--I hope your actual interaction wasn't quite so aggressive.

Obviously fencing means a lot to you, but may I suggest that a more respectful attitude when you're interacting with your parents would be a more effective tactic in dealing with this situation? Where exactly are these fears of theirs coming from? Are you their oldest, leaving the nest for the first time? Are you their youngest, their "baby", whom they perceive as vulnerable? Are you, perhaps, the first child in your family to go away to college and they're afraid of the unknown you're facing?

You mention that you're convinced that they won't let you take your equipment with you when you go to college. So you already own equipment. Who bought it? If it was your parents, did you thank them? If you earned the money yourself, have you pointed out what a great incentive fencing is to getting and keeping a job?

As in any bout situation--try to understand what they're thinking and why. Maybe, if your coach is no help, your school counselor or even someone from your college (I'm assuming you've been admitted somewhere?) could help them address and ease their fears.

Keep us posted--we all care.

[jojo13]

hi all!

basically my parents want to see straight As for the first semester of college, before they'll let me start fencing next spring. personally, that's a long time to go without fencing of any kind.......but i guess it's better to show them up and skip practice for a few months instead of a few years?!?! hmmm...

[Capt. Slo-mo]

That may not be a valid barometer. In my college days, I got two Bs my first semester. I never had any other grades but As the rest of college, and graduated summa cum laude. In my second year, I also took a class in fencing. (and still received straight A's)

Of course, once you're off to school, how are they gonna keep you from fencing?

[Slacker]

I am dumbfounded. As a fencer AND as a mom of a high school graduate I don't see why your folks are putting the cabash on your fencing... UNLESS you've let your grades slip this past semester. It may also be suspicious if your choice in colleges was based solely on whether they have a fencing team or not. I am curious, where are you planning to go, what major, and are you a 4.0 student now? You and your parents may be in for a rude awakening if you don't already have good study habits-- college learning is only partly academic; it's also where you learn about life, and living on your own, about what you're made of, inside, integrity-wise, discipline-wise. (OK, grammar-freaks, I probably have too many commas and participles. Sue me.) I know from my own fencing experience that it develops discipline, balance, strategic thinking and an inner sense of reading people- very good traits to have in dealing with life. And it is great exercise- beware of college campus food! I am also aware that it (and any other passion) takes time- away from my family, my house is a wreck, blah, blah, blah...but I am happy when I fence. You might use that ploy, too. Any mother is a sucker for her child's happiness. I wish you and your folks luck- you do sound angry, and I think you will feel differently once you get out of the house. College is a huge expense, no matter who pays for it, and statistics show that 50% of college freshmen drop out the first year. That would freak any parent out and maybe that's why they're coming down hard on you. Just hang in there and don't blow it. Even if you pull a 2.5 your first semester, DON'T QUIT.

[suregrip]

Darn, where's a fencing kid when you need one?

I virtually BEG my two kids to come to the club and fence (even though we all fence different weapons) - I just like having them around. They're kind of "blah, blah, well maybe."

What I wouldn't give to have a child that's really enthused. Oh, well. Seems like you always want what you can't have. Don't suppose any of you kids would want to put yourselves up for adoption?

[Peach]

Just to be a pain:

Fencing caused problems for my kid in high school, because it wasn't a school sport and she had to travel after school on the train to the club. Also, she had to miss classes for NACs, more often than her teachers would have liked. It also caused problems in college--the team practice schedule interfered with quite a number of things, and at least once she couldn't make up a test when she had to go to NCAAs, because the professor was a grouch. She wrote a number of papers on the team bus. She wanted to do it, though, and we are the kind of parents whose priorities are less tangible than straight A's all the time.

Heck, it interferes with my career. There are a number of times when I don't show up for "command" evening events because they're on practice nights, and so far I've been able to convince my bosses that my priorities aren't too skewed otherwise. It's a juggling act. I decided a long while ago that asserting my right to cultivate my hobby is worth its weight in sanity.

In the long run, fencing is a sport without direct financial or career rewards, and parents need to consider that (and their own knowledge of their kid) when guiding their children through their choices in college. Some parents know their kids would have a hard time balancing a sport with their studies.

[D'Artag-NOT]

Y'know, a lot of freshmen don't get straight A's their first semester of college. Even good high-school students get thrown for a loop by the sudden culture shift--especially the absence of parents to make you get up and go to classes, study, etc.

My advice to you would be: GO TO CLASS (I'm constantly amazed at the number of my college clubmates who don't). Make your academic work your first priority, just to show your parents you have your head on straight. But at the same time, I am sympathetic here--maybe you and your parents could come to a compromise.

Would you be willing to give up competition for a semester, in exchange for permission to go to club and practice? Then renegotiate when (not if, when) you bring home good grades?

It might also help your parents to talk with your counselor at school, or someone in the undergraduate division at your college, to (1) make sure their academic goals for you are realistic, and (2) remind them of the importance of a certain amount of healthful recreation. Your folks seem to be awfully nervous. Are you their first kid to go off to college? Also, what college are you going to? (If it's the one I fence at, then I can promise them to ride herd on you! )