"So, I was in this bar the other night and I was talking to these two guys. And before you get all defensive and start reaching for that 'demilitarized' gun of yours to bludgeon them to death, they were both gay, so I was fine. And it comes to my attention just as I'm lining up a shot that I'm TERRIBLE at pool, but all night I've been bluffing that I'm like the Mia Hamm of pool, minus the shirt-ripping off and stuff. I hang out in bars occasionally. Okay, maybe she just lifts up her shirt. I can't remember which.
"So I have the most ideal shot ever, and Kev starts telling this joke. Like, this shot is absolutely perfect. I pull it off, I knock in the four, the two, the seven, and the eight, in that succession. Win the game. Take home the big invisible trophy that I still get to brag about. Okay, so it doesn't exactly work that way. Kev's in the middle of the punchline when I take the shot, and I just start laughing in the middle of hitting the cue ball. Boom. The six goes in, but that's it.
"So, after I hit the ball in, Jay starts hitting on me, even though he's completely gay. I mean, c'mon, what kind of guy would hit on me? That's right - a gay one. So I play along with it for a little while--and then I get away by crawling through the bathroom window by telling them I had to powder my nose. But as I'm running away from this bar in a mad panic, trying to make it back to my car, there's this huge earthquake. It slams the whole town, knocks me flat onto my face in the soggiest mud patch ever. So I'm bruised, muddy, and cold, and there's a pair of gay guys in the bar that think I'm coming back to kick their butts at pool.
"What else could I do but show up at the 7-11 for a huge slushee and a Snickers bar? I mean, priorities. So, moral of the story - pretending you're Mia Hamm at pool gets you a Cherry Slushee and a candy bar."
__________________
It is the soldier, not the reporter, who has given us the freedom of the press. It is the soldier, not the poet, who has given us the freedom of speech. It is the soldier, not the campus organizer, who gives us the freedom to demonstrate. It is the soldier who salutes the flag, who serves beneath the flag, and whose coffin is draped by the flag, who allows the protestor to burn the flag. - Father Dennis Edward O'Brien, USMC
"So I'm at this study group with like three of these people I barely know from one of my classes. I've got my talkative mode on, mostly because I'm nervous as all get out. I talk when I'm nervous. Either that, or I just shut up and don't talk. Really, there are varied reactions. We're in the lounge at the UC, which is this HUGE place in the middle of this building that's like a trainstation of activity for students. Somebody else is telling really stupid jokes that I already know the punchline to, so I'm not really talking. More like doodling in my textbook, as bad as that is."
[Evil Child]
"Oh, yes. The guy next to me thought so, too. 'Cause he told me to stop. So I start doodling in my notes instead. Only problem? I start doodling OVER the notes instead of in the margins, like I always do. So now I have notes that I don't understand because there's a rather amusing picture of the guy who was sitting next to me trying to shoot a bow and arrow and failing miserably. Not very mean, but the incompetence amused me. So I have to go through my textbook and scribe the notes. Until I spilled water on it. Now he's soggy incompetent boy."
__________________
It is the soldier, not the reporter, who has given us the freedom of the press. It is the soldier, not the poet, who has given us the freedom of speech. It is the soldier, not the campus organizer, who gives us the freedom to demonstrate. It is the soldier who salutes the flag, who serves beneath the flag, and whose coffin is draped by the flag, who allows the protestor to burn the flag. - Father Dennis Edward O'Brien, USMC
The above printed with absolutely no permission whatsoever from Crin.
This is what happens when I'm bored whilst getting domestic.
__________________
It is the soldier, not the reporter, who has given us the freedom of the press. It is the soldier, not the poet, who has given us the freedom of speech. It is the soldier, not the campus organizer, who gives us the freedom to demonstrate. It is the soldier who salutes the flag, who serves beneath the flag, and whose coffin is draped by the flag, who allows the protestor to burn the flag. - Father Dennis Edward O'Brien, USMC
Last edited by Swordsman; 02-27-2004 at 04:28 PM..
Basically, I was entertaining the Swordsman with random stories that I made up on IM today and he posted them up here because he thought everybody would get a kick out of them.
__________________ I've got a theory. It could be bunnies.
Proud to be serving as the Official Class Clown of the Seven.
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