The day began with me finding a quiet place to practice and then, once I realized the place was truly vacant, I just sat down in a chair and cried until I got all the grief for yesterday out of my system.
I'd been stupid. There is no rewind and play button on reality. Time to move on.
I went for a brief walked and admired the beauty around me, took a deep breath, and went back to practicing footwork on vacant strips before directors showed up and I had to move elsewhere.
Words cannot express how badly I fenced and I have no one to blame but myself. I can boil it all down to mental state and boil it down even further to a simple line: Stop being afraid to fail.
Unfortunately, I didn't realize this in time and finished worse than I've ever finished at a NAC. Yes. Even worse than my first attempt. Really. It was horrible.
I began by fencing Delia and developing a nice lead that I promptly lost.
I then had Deb 4-0 or 4-1
I took lessons from Istvan on 6 and 14 Dec, and trained in Mannheim on 10 December.
Basically just keeping score. I can't remember the lessons--they were both long, involved, interesting and worthwhile--I just can't recall the content of an hour lesson.
Got up early after a restless night. Though I'm in good shape considering, I had a kind of triple threat of ache - stiffness from two days of competition, ache from the amount of focused stretching I was doing, and the ongoing nerve stuff. I haven't used ibuprofen for a while but Bryan the trainer suggested I take it with meals for the next couple of days so I've been following orders-- not for pain but to reduce inflammation.
I watched some WS for a while. Someone was down on
Stretched a lot and then went to the trainer for more stretching. Pools again were 5, with one of the 3 pools flighted. In my pool were Cherye West, Ann Brown, Linda Dunn, and Becky Douville. I haven't fenced Becky for a long while. It was a really good bout. Went 4-0, good indicators, seeded first & had a bye into the 8. Fenced Jeannine Bender, who gave me a strong bout first half. Then Sharol Pestotnik, then big surprise Jane Eyre. Close bout all the way, lost 9-10, and was (after I got